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4Y OWN STORy 



BY LOUISA OF TUSCANY 
EX-GROWN PRINCESS OF SAXONY 



TRANSLA 




VISION OF 



WITH 19 ILLUSTRATIONS 



a p. PUTNAM'S SONS 

NEW YORK AND LONDON 

Xtbc Itnfcfterbocfter press 

1911 



MY OWN STORY 



BY LOUISA OF TUSCANY 
EX-GROWN PRINCESS OF SAXONY 



TRANSLATED UNDER THE SUPERVISION OF 
THE AUTHOR 



WITH 19 ILLUSTRATIONS 



G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS 

NEW YORK AND LONDON 

XLbc •Rnfcfterbocfter ptess 

1911 






-^ 



Copyright, igii 

BY 

G. P, PUTNAM'S SONS 



Copyright for the British Empire and the other countries signatory 

to the Berne Convention 

by 

EvELEiGH Nash 



i 



Ube 'Rnicftetbocbec press. I^ew ISotb 



11 



ICI.A295984 



PREFATORY STATEMENT 

I HAVE frequently been urged to make a public 
repudiation of the various inaccurate state- 
ments which, for nearly ten years, have been 
circulated regarding my life and actions. 

Hitherto I have maintained silence, because 
I have disdained to reply to those who have 
maligned me. It has, however, been indicated 
to me that as my sons are now approaching an 
age when the mendacious assertions in question 
may be communicated to them, it is my duty, 
as their mother, to make public the actual 
reasons which led to my leaving Dresden, and 
to my ultimate banishment from Saxony. 

That is my principal motive in publishing 
my own recital of the facts, and I am likewise 
desirous that future historians of the Houses of 
Saxony and Habsburg should not perpetuate 
errors through lack of contradiction on my part. 

I also wish to give an unqualified denial to the 
prevalent assumption that I am the author of 
Confessions of a Princess. I neither wrote 

5 



6 PREFA TOR Y ST A TEMENT 

the work, nor supplied, directly or indirectly, 
any of the material it contains, and I am at 
a loss to understand how any woman could be 
credited with writing such a revolting account of 
her amours. 

In conclusion my thanks are due to my 
dear friend Mrs. Maude Mary Chester ffoulkes 
for her kindness in helping me to prepare my 
book for the press. 

LOUISA OF TUSCANY 



CONTENTS 



CHAPTER I 

My birth and parentage — The Grand Dukes of 
Tuscany — How a princess became the mother- 
in-law of her own sister — My father's childhood 
— The Pitti Palace — Gloomy grandeur — Love 
laughs at locksmiths — My father's first mar- 
riage; his wife's death — The Grand Ducal 
family leave Florence — " One longing, lingering 
look behind" — My father's second marriage 
— My mother and her family . . 19-36 

CHAPTER II 

Salzburg — The Palace — Early days — My father — 
His genius for organisation — The education of 
a princess — ^An impromptu bath — Lessons — A 
dull life — The power of the priests — Palace 
tyranny 37-54 

CHAPTER III 

All about my relations — My uncles — Duke Charles 

7 



8 CONTENTS 

PAGES 

of Parma — His collection of watches — A rare 
specimen — The teeth that did not fit — A ducal 
wardrobe — " All-a-blooming " — Visits and visi- 
tors — Vienna — The Empress Elizabeth — How 
her hair was dressed — ^A long walk — The 
Empress presents me with the Stem Kreuz 
Order — Our last meeting . . . 55-70 

CHAPTER IV 

Marriage projects — Much of a muchness — Dom 
Pedro — My first visit to Saxony — The Castle 
of Moritzburg — The Coburg alliance — "Aunt 
Coffee- Mill ' ' — ^A screaming interview . 71-88 

CHAPTER V 

Domestic scenes — Arrival of Prince Frederick- 
August of Saxony — I accept him as my future 
husband — Our betrothal — "A chevalier sans 
reproche" — Marriage formalities — My trous- 
seau and jewels — I bid good-bye to Salzburg — 
The Hofburg — The act of renunciation — My 
wedding day — " Golden Roses " — My little 
train-bearer — An old superstition — How it 
came true — We leave for Prague — The Emper- 
or's train de luxe . , . . 89-106 

CHAPTER VI 
Hradschin and its surroundings — The Ghetto at 



CONTENTS 9 

PAGES 

Prague — ^A discourse on the chosen people — We 
go to Dresden — Popular excitement — Our State 
entry — Roses everywhere — The Taschenberg 
Palace — Rococo furniture and bad taste pre- 
dominant — The dog that bit every one — Excite- 
ment and fatigue — ^We begin to settle down — I 
resolve to make the best of my life . 107-116 



CHAPTER VII 

A royal family — My father-in-law — His fanaticism 
— Princess Mathilde — Her love of ants — Her 
piety — Dress and appearance — Her curiosity 
— Prince John George — Lives of the Popes — 
Prince Max of Saxony — CleanHness and godli- 
ness — Mutual antagonism — " C'estmalheureux 
que tu sois venue dans notre famille" . 1 17-134 



CHAPTER VIII 

My first visit to Berlin — The Emperor William — 
What I think of him — The green chiffon dress 
— Customs and ceremonies — The ghostly car- 
riage at the Royal castle — The treasure-house 
— Some stories about August the Strong — His 
ugly daughter-in-law — ^A defiant Electress — 
Carried away in earnest — The fate of a prac- 
tical joker — The frightened blacksmith — The 
strong man indeed .... 135-150 



10 CONTENTS 

PAGES 

CHAPTER IX 

Motherhood — Birth of the Crown Prince — ^A quar- 
rel with my father-in-law — Popular enthusiasm 
— "Our Louisa" — Domesticity — Country life 
— Mathilde and the strawberries — An " enfant 
terrible" — The creche — The Socialist's baby 1 51-172 

CHAPTER X 

The Court circle — "Noah's Ark" — Calico and 
crochet — Drink and gambling — The German 
Emperor — His power in Saxony — The invasion 
of England — The Archduke Franz-Ferdinand 
as a possible ally — The Opera at Dresden — I 
see it from the gallery — The affair of the Collier 
— Faust at the Court theatre — Royal visitors 173-186 

CHAPTER XI 

Why and wherefore — Explanations — Mixed blood 
— ^A story of the French Revolution — The 
bicycle craze — I am reprimanded — Petty 
tyranny — The pearl necklace — The recipe for 
a popular Queen of Saxony . . . 187-202 

CHAPTER XII 

Sturm und Drang — Death of King Albert — An un- 
comfortable journey — The woman in black — 
At Sibyllenort — Family disputes — " Le Roi est 



il 



CONTENTS II 

PAGES 

mort" — We return to Dresden — ^A thirsty 
princess — I meet the German Emperor — " My 
political friend " — King Albert's funeral — A 
wreath of water-lilies — The spectral cat — The 
midwife's prophecy .... 203-214 

CHAPTER XIII 
J'accuse 215-230 

CHAPTER XIV 
I leave Dresden ..... 231-250 

CHAPTER XV 

My arrival at Salzburg — A fruitless interview — 
My brother protects me — We agree to fly 
together — A night adventure — We start for 
Switzerland ..... 251-262 

CHAPTER XVI 

I arrive at Zurich — My future sister-in-law — A rude 
awakening — My terrible position — The only 
way — M. Giron joins me — A wild-goose chase 
— The secret police — Their fruitless journey — 
Legal proceedings commence . . 263-278 

CHAPTER XVII 
Apr^s moi le deluge — The people's sympathy — The 



12 CONTENTS 

PAGES 

stone throwers — Blind justice — ^Money versus 
honour — The letter that never reached me — I 
enter La Maiterie — Bolts and bars — A plague 
of nurses — Cold food but comforting chocolate 
— A spirit in prison — I look far back — ^My 
awakening ..... 279-296 

CHAPTER XVIII 

I leave La Maiterie — A reconciliation with my 
parents — Birth of Monica — The chalet at 
Wartegg — I interview the Socialist leaders — 
The Red Queen — Death of my father-in-law; 
his remorse — Hope deferred — The eccentrici- 
ties of the Habsburgs — The story of John Orth 
— " I will return " . . . . 297-320 

CHAPTER XIX 

The Emperor Francis- Joseph — His power in family 
afEairs — The tragedy of Meyerling — What I 
know about it — ^The body under the cover — 
The Story of Isabella of Parma — "Three hours, 
three days, three years " — ^I resolve on a coup 
de tete — Once again in Dresden — I am arrested 
outside the palace — The attitude of the people 
— I leave for Leipzig — A wonderful reception — 
I learn the value of disinterested affection 321-346 

CHAPTER XX 
Popular feeling in Saxony — Life at St. Domenico — 



CONTENTS 13 

PAGES 

I am not allowed to remain in peace — Alma 
Muth, spy — The King of Saxony's lawyer 
arrives in Florence — An interview at the Con- 
sulate — I refuse to surrender Monica — The 
siege of the villa — I turn Alma Muth out of the 
house — She goes to Pegli with Dr. Komer — 
What was overheard in the restaiurant car — I 
make the acquaintance of another spy, Frau 
Ida Kremer — Her methods — ^A vile book — I 
receive permission to see my children — Our 
meeting in Munich — I resolve to let Monica go 
to Saxony — My second marriage — I conclude 
my story 347^36? 



ILLUSTRATIONS 

PAGE 

Louisa of Tuscany, Ex-Crown Princess of Saxony 

Frontispiece [/■ 

My Father: Ferdinand IV., Grand Duke of 

Tuscany . . . . . . . 27 //• 

The Imperial Castle of Salzburg, My Birthplace . 41 

My Husband : King Frederick- August of Saxony . 93 

My Father-in-Law : the Late King George of 

Saxony ....... 121 '• 

My Sister-in-Law: Princess Mathilde of Saxony . 127 ^ 

My Husband and Myself with Our Eldest Child 

(lury) . . . '. ... 155^ 

My Eldest Son: George, Crown Prince of Saxony 

(lury) 159 ^ 

My Second Son: Prince Frederick-Christian of 

Saxony (Tia) . . . . . . 163 1/ 

My Youngest Son: Prince Ernest-Henry of Saxony ^, 

(Emi) 167 

15 



i6 ILLUSTRATIONS 

PAGE 

Myself in Fancy Dress, as Marie Antoinette . 191 

My Husband : a Snapshot Taken by Myself . 195 

Baron George von Metzsch, the man who said of 
me, " I will ruin this woman, but I will ruin 
her slowly " . . . . . . 219 "^ 

The Schoolroom at the Royal Palace, Dresden . 241 

My Daughters: the Princesses Margaret, Maria- 

Alix, and Anna- Monica .... 247 '^ 

The Royal Palace, Dresden .... 283 

Monica ........ 301 '^ 

My Three Boys: Left to Right, lury, Emi, Tia. 

May, 1909 333 "^ 

Princess Louisa . . . . . .361 

Photograph by the Dover Street Studios, Ltd., London, W. 



MY OWN STORY 



CHAPTER I 



My birth and parentage — The Grand Dukes of Tuscany 
— How a princess became the mother-in-law of her 
own sister — My father's childhood — The Pitti Palace 
— Gloomy grandeur — Love laughs at locksmiths — 
My father's first marriage; his wife's death — The 
Grand Ducal family leave Florence — " One longing, 
lingering look behind" — My father's second marriage 
— My mother and her family. 



19 



CHAPTER I 



T WAS born at the Imperial Castle of Salz- 
biirg on September 2, 1870. My father was 
Ferdinand IV., Grand Duke of Tuscany, and 
my mother was Princess Alice of Parma. 

Genealogical details are frequently dull, so 
I do not propose to write at any great length 
about my family history. My father's ances- 
tors had reigned in Tuscany since the death 
of Giovan Gastone, the last Medicean Grand 
Duke, in 1737, when Francis, Duke of Lorraine, 
and his wife the Archduchess Maria-Theresa, 
assumed the sovereignty until the death of 
Charles VI. made them Emperor and Empress 
of Austria. Their second son, Pietro-Leopoldo, 
then took the title of Grand Duke, and he was 
succeeded by his son Ferdinand III., who had 
married Princess Louisa- Maria- Amalia of Na- 
ples. Ferdinand, who was the first sovereign to 
enter into diplomatic relations with the French 
Republic, died in 1824, and his son, afterwards 
Leopold II., was my paternal grandfather. 



22 MY OWN STORY 

Leopold being very delicate as a young man, 
it was considered desirable that he should marry 
early, with the object of securing the succession. 
Princess Maria-Anna-Carolina of Saxony was 
chosen for his future wife, and negotiations 
between the two Courts resulted in a marriage 
by proxy taking place at Dresden in 1817. 

The Princess, a highly nervous girl, was so 
terrified at the idea of meeting her unknown 
bridegroom that she refused to leave Dresden 
unless accompanied by her sister, to whom she 
was devotedly attached; and cajoleries and 
threats failed to change her decision. 

The two girls, therefore, arrived at Florence, 
and the unexpected happened, for the old 
Grand Duke Ferdinand III., who was a widower 
of sixty-nine, fell in love with the unmarried 
princess. He shortly afterwards married her, 
and in this way she became the mother-in-law 
of her own sister. 

Two daughters were born of my grandfather's 
first marriage; one died when she was sixteen; 
and the other, Princess Augustine, married the 
present Prince Regent of Bavaria, who recently 
celebrated his ninetieth birthday. In 1833, my 
grandfather married again, his second wife 
being Marie-Antoinette, daughter of Ferdinand 



MY OWN STORY 23 

III., King of Naples, and his wife Caroline, 
a sister of the ill-fated Marie-Antoinette of 
France. 

Queen Caroline seems to have possessed con- 
siderable individuality, and she must have 
been a woman of exceptional courage and iron 
constitution, for she insisted on accompanying 
her husband to the wars, and rode by his side, 
indifferent to discomfort and fatigue. She had 
sixteen children and nursed them all herself; 
the youngest infant went through these cam- 
paigns with her, in charge of a nurse, and the 
Queen used to dismount at intervals and suckle 
her baby, sitting by the roadside, undisturbed 
by wars or rumours of wars. Her last child 
was in fact almost born on horseback. 

Napoleon Bonaparte found an unexpected 
champion in this strange woman, who was the 
grandmother of Marie-Louise. She had always 
regarded him as her peculiar enemy, but after 
his downfall she was touched with compassion, 
and strongly resented the efforts made by the 
Viennese Court to separate him from his wife. 
"II fallait, " she declared, "que Marie-Louise 
attach^t les draps de son lit a sa fen^tre et 
s'echappat sous un deguisement. " 

My grandmother had ten children, my father 



24 MY OWN STORY 

being the eldest. I have dim recollections of 
her, but she did not emulate her mother, the 
redoubtable Caroline, in a single trait; she was 
stiff, a slave to etiquette, and a bigoted Catholic, 
entirely in the hands of the priests. She was, 
however, intelligent. We were always very 
much afraid of her, and she was mean to miser- 
liness; indeed, to dine with grandmother meant 
getting hardly anything to eat. She died near 
Salzburg in 1898, a lonely, coloiu'less woman; 
and heredity, so strong in our family, gave to 
her children the individuality she had been 
denied. 

My father's childhood was passed in Florence 
at the Pitti Palace, which George Eliot has 
described as "a wonderful union of Cyclopean 
massiveness with stately regularity." The 
story goes that Luca Pitti, the opponent of 
the Medici, built it to outrival the Strozzi 
Palace, and he is said to have boasted during a 
banquet that he would build a palace with a 
court-yard which would alone be able to contain 
the whole of the Palazzo Strozzi. The build- 
ing was not completed until the middle of the 
sixteenth century, when it came into the pos- 
session of Eleanor of Toledo, the wife of Duke 
Cosimo I., and it was thenceforward the home 



MY OWN STORY 25 

o£ the Medici until my ancestors became Grand 
Dukes of Tuscany. 

The Pitti is too well known to need detailed 
description. It has always struck me as im- 
posing in its cold way, but I do not think it 
could ever have been a "home" for its occu- 
pants. The salons are splendid, the art trea- 
siu^es are wonderful; but it is cheerless, and the 
only rooms in it which I ever covet are the tiny 
boudoir and bathroom of Marie-Louise, which 
are decorated and furnished in the best Empire 
style. 

My grandfather's Court was as gloomy as 
the Palazzo Pitti itself, and the Grand Ducal 
children were brought up most strictly. At 
five o'clock every morning they were expected 
to say "Bon jour" to their parents, a proceed- 
ing which entailed much ceremony. They were 
taken to an anteroom adjoining their parents' 
bedroom, and with their governesses and tutors 
in close attendance the little princes stood on 
one side of the salon and the little princesses 
on the other. All conversation was forbidden, 
and when five o'clock struck, the Groom of 
the Chambers threw open the great doors and 
they walked in solemnly and kissed their par- 
ents' hands. Coffee was then served, and the 



26 MY OWN STORY 

children took formal leave and went to their 
lessons. Ten o'clock was the luncheon hour, 
when all the family met, and my great-aunt, 
Princess Louisa, was always much in evidence. 
She was a dwarf, with the crooked, malicious 
mind that so often goes with a crooked body. 
She had very long, monkey-like arms, and when- 
ever she was displeased she woiild fling them 
out like the sails of a windmill and hit which- 
ever of her ladies-in-waiting happened to be 
standing nearest to her. She was an odious 
little creature and hated everybody who 
was young and pretty, with the result that 
she was cordially detested even by her own 
relations. 

After lunch the children played in the Boboli 
Gardens, which were then better kept up than 
they are to-day. I shall always remember how 
disappointed an English friend of mine was 
when I took her to see the gardens for the first 
time. She is a romantic person, who quite 
expected to see something very beautiful and 
not the badly trimmed hedges and ragged grass 
which met her horrified gaze. 

At eight o'clock came the diner de ceremonie, 
which the children heartily enjoyed, as they 
had had no food since ten o'clock in the morning, 




Photo by Kollertanar, Budapest. 

MY father: FERDINAND IV, GRAND DUKE OF TUSCANY 

27 



MY OWN STORY 29 

and my father has often told me how raven- 
ously hungry they used to become. 

Papa was a handsome young man with black 
curling hair, brown eyes, and an amiable expres- 
sion. He was of medium height, slender and 
well knit, full of energy, and possessed the 
best disposition in the world. He was very 
clever, and acquired any number of accom- 
plishments, as well as being proficient in the 
more serious studies which his future position 
required. 

Like most of the Habsburgs, papa was al- 
ways attracted by a beautiful woman, and he 
fell in and out of love very easily. At the age 
of eighteen he had an affaire de cosur with a 
petite hourgeoise, who lived near the Pitti Palace ; 
but directly it was discovered he was shut up 
in his rooms for a fortnight, and forbidden to 
see or to correspond with the fair one. At last 
the youthful lover discovered a means of com- 
municating with his inamorata. He procured 
a large sheet of cardboard, on which he cut out 
the letters of the alphabet, and covered over 
the cut-out portions with transparent paper. 
When night fell he placed the sheet of card- 
board before his open window, put a lighted 
candle behind certain letters until he had 



30 MY OWN STORY 

completed a word, and in this ingenious way 
conveyed his messages to the girl, who stood 
in the street facing the palace. 

Papa was only twenty-one when he married 
Princess Anna, the daughter of King John of 
Saxony, who translated Dante under the nom 
de plume of " Philaletes. " Anna's mother, 
Queen Amelia, was a daughter of Prince Maxi- 
milian of Bavaria, and a twin out of two sets 
of twin girls. Her own twin, Princess Eliza- 
beth, married Frederick William IV., King of 
Prussia; the other twins, Sophia and Marie, 
married respectively the Archduke Franz-Karl 
(father of the present Emperor of Austria) 
and Frederick- August II., King of Saxony, and 
it is thus remarkable that two sisters became 
in turn Queens of the same country. 

Princess Anna captured all hearts on her 
arrival in Florence, and when she died in 
Naples, three years after her marriage, from 
typhoid fever contracted through eating oysters, 
she was universally and unfeignedly lamented. 
Her little daughter, Marie- Antoinette, was taken 
to Saxony and brought up by her grandparents 
at Dresden until she was fourteen, when her 
father remarried. She was a gifted girl with 
a charming talent for versifying, but she died 



MY OWN STORY 31 

of consumption at Cannes in all the promise of 
her youth and beauty. 

My family's connection with Tuscany as 
reigning Grand Dukes terminated after the 
defeat of the Austrians at Solferino. The terms 
of the Peace of Villafranca compelled the 
Emperor to surrender Lombardy to Victor 
Emmanuel and also to consent to the incor- 
poration of Tuscany into the Italian dominion. 
My grandfather was intensely Austrian at heart, 
and he refused to consider any decree which 
made him a constitutional sovereign. The 
political situation became so menacing that the 
Grand Ducal family had to leave Florence in 
precipitate haste on April 27, 1859. The fugi- 
tives were my grandfather and grandmother, 
my father, then a widower of twenty-four, and 
his little one-year-old girl, my aunts and uncles, 
and the widow of the old Grand Duke. It was 
a magnificent day, intensely hot, with cloud- 
less azure skies, and as the carriages containing 
the Royal Family left the Pitti Palace, crowds 
thronged the streets and impeded the horses' 
progress. The Florentines viewed their Grand 
Duke's departure quite calmly, many saying 
with smiling affability which greatly enraged 
my grandfather, "Addio, Babbo Leopoldo. " 



32 MY OWN STORY 

The travelling carriages soon left Florence 
far behind, and only clouds of dust showed the 
road taken. The state of the Grand Ducal 
family was not an enviable one, for they had 
left home so hurriedly that they had no personal 
belongings of any kind, and everything, even to 
baby clothes, had to be bought en route. 

The gorgeous tapestries, exquisite pictures, 
jewels, enamels, gold and silver plate, and art 
treasures of every description were left behind 
at the Pitti; and when King Victor Emmanuel 
went to the palace he slept between sheets 
embroidered with the arms of the fugitive 
Duke. 

When the unhappy exiles reached the heights 
from which a beautiful view of Florence is 
obtained, my grandfather ordered the carriages 
to stop, and he and his family alighted in order 
to take a last farewell look at their home. They 
were all very much affected, and with one 
accord broke down and wept bitterly. They sat 
by the roadside in a tearful row and endeavoured 
to recover their composure, but when my aunt 
proceeded to dry her tears the awful fact was 
discovered that no one in the party had a pocket 
handkerchief. This was certainly unpleasant, 
for the tears, coursing down cheeks already 



MY OWN STORY 33 

covered with dust, had left dirty and gritty 
channels which did not improve the appearance 
of the "illustrious" family who were in despair 
at their ridiculous position. The situation, how- 
ever, was saved by my grandmother, who on 
this occasion displayed a little of her mother's 
originality. Lifting her voluminous skirts, she 
took a corner of her equally voluminous lace 
petticoat and with extreme care and delicacy 
proceeded to wipe away the tears and dust 
from the faces of her family, until, at last, 
somewhat more soignes they re-entered their 
carriages and continued their flight. 

After leaving Tuscany, my grandfather bought 
the Castle of Brandeis in Bohemia, and another 
residence near Carlsbad, called Schlakenwerth, 
where he spent much of his time. My father 
visited Schonbrunn, but he was very unsettled 
and miserable, and finally went to Bavaria. 
He spent his summers on the Lake of Con- 
stance, where Princess Luitpold had a villa, 
and eventually built a villa for himself, on quite 
original lines, at Lindau. He would not 
employ an architect, but had the work car- 
ried out under his directions by an engineer 
and a few workmen. Papa's interest in house- 
building did not, however, commend itself to 



34 MY OWN STORY 

my grandfather, who wished him to marry 
again. 

The Grand Duke always hoped to be re-estab- 
Hshed in Tuscany, so he strongly urged my 
father to look out for an eligible princess, and 
he, like a dutiful son, at once commenced a roimd 
of visits "with a view to matrimony." His 
choice fell on Princess Alice of Parma, whom he 
met at the house of her uncle, the Comte de 
Chambord, who resided at Frohsdorf near 
Vienna. 

Princess Alice was the daughter of Louisa, 
Duchess of Parma, whose mother was the 
Duchesse de Berri. She had married Duke 
Charles of Parma when a mere girl, and her 
handsome but flighty husband was murdered 
(some say at the instigation of a gentleman 
jealous of his wife's honour) at the early age 
of thirty-two. 

Troubles broke out in Parma which event- 
ually ended in a revolution, and the Duchess 
with her four children fled in disguise to Switzer- 
land, where they lived for two years, practi- 
cally penniless, in a tiny house near Zurich. 
Things changed, however, for the better, and 
the Duchess bought the Castle of Wartegg near 
Rorschach on the Lake of Constance; but she 



MY OWN STORY 35 

did not like Switzerland, possibly on account of 
some unpleasant memories, so she went to Venice, 
where she bought the Palazzo Cavalli in order 
to be near her half-brother, who lived there. 
The Duchess died at Venice of typhoid fever at 
the age of forty-two, and her illness was so sudden 
that she did not see her children before her 
death, as the girls were at the Sacre Coeur Con- 
vent near Bregenz, and the boys at the Jesuit 
Seminary of Feldkirch. 

When the education of the young princesses 
was completed, the eternal question arose of 
marrying them as quickly as possible. One 
married the late Don Carlos, Duke of Madrid, 
and the Princess Alice became my father's wife. 

The marriage took place on January 11, 
1868, and on December 2d, of the same year, a 
son, the first child of a family of ten, was bom. 

My mother was a pretty, petite, fair girl at 
the time of her marriage, full of energy, and 
quite ready to enjoy life thoroughly after her 
dull upbringing at the convent. She danced 
exquisitely, was a fine shot, a good horsewoman, 
and before the babies followed fast on each 
other's heels, she lived solely for amusement. 
Her jewels are wonderful; she has some of the 
finest diamonds in Europe, and possesses what 



36 MY OWN STORY 

to my mind is worth more than all — a famous 
necklace of Marie-Antoinette on the design of 
which Boehmer lavished all his skill. 

After my father's second marriage, the Em- 
peror of Austria, his third cousin, gave him 
part of the Imperial Castle of Salzburg for a 
residence, and there I spent my childhood and 
girlhood. 



CHAPTER II 



Salzburg; the Palace — Early days — My father; his genius 
for organisation — The education of a princess — An 
impromptu bath — Lessons — A dull life — The power 
of the priests — Palace tyranny. 



37 



CHAPTER II 



TN 1870, my grandfather died, and my father, 
the Archduke Ferdinand, became Grand 
Duke of Tuscany. He had previously promised 
the Emperor Francis-Joseph that he would 
never attempt to go near Florence on account 
of the political situation, and the title of Grand 
Duke was conferred upon him for life ; after his 
death it was stipulated that his children should 
be known as Princes and Princesses of Tuscany, 
as well as Archdukes and Archduchesses with 
the style of Imperial and Royal Highnesses. 

The Emperor, as I have before stated, placed 
part of the Imperial Castle of Salzburg at my 
father's disposal, and there we spent our child- 
hood. Salzburg is a picturesque town, about 
seventy-three miles from Munich, surrounded 
by mountains, and its only claim to fame seems 
to be that it was the birthplace of Mozart. 
The palace, which is so extensive that it is 
possible to reach three different churches with- 
out leaving its precincts, was built by the 

39 



40 MY OWN STORY 

Archbishops of Salzburg, about 1600, and these 
prelates were grands viveurs in every sense of the 
word. When they tired of the restraint and 
gloom of the castle, they quietly disappeared 
down a subterranean passage which led to a 
charming villa called Hellbrunn, and there they 
were able to pass the time more pleasantly 
than at the episcopal palace. 

When I was a child, the palace was the sad- 
dest and gloomiest place imaginable. It was 
certainly very imposing, but it was also ex- 
tremely uncomfortable as a residence, and there 
was nothing artistic about it, inside or out. It 
was not properly kept up; it looked fast falling 
into decay, and in some rooms the once expen- 
sive wall coverings hung in damp discoloured 
strips which were never replaced. Grim stories 
of secret murders clung round this depressing 
place, and I remember how frightened we were 
as children when we were told that the pictures 
in the Grand Gallery came to life at night, and 
that the dead and gone princes and princesses 
got out of their frames and wandered from 
room to room. 

My father, who was quite Florentine in his 
ways, kept up an Italian entourage as much as 
possible and preferred Italian servants to any 



MY OWN STORY 43 

others. He had a wonderful personality, and 
I feel it is only right for me to pay tribute here 
to the memory of this best of fathers and most 
charming of men. I loved him devotedly; he 
was our playmate and entered into our nursery 
life before we commenced the dreary treadmill 
existence which was called education for our 
future positions. My happiest recollections of 
my dear father are of the times when I sat by 
his side with my brothers, listening to marvel- 
lous fairy tales for which he painted illustra- 
tions, and cooking all kinds of sweet "messes" 
over the nursery fire. He was often away from 
Salzburg, as he used to shoot with the Emperor 
Francis-Joseph and the Crown Prince Rudolph, 
who was his especial friend and confidant. 
When he was at home he was an indefatigable 
worker; he managed all his Tuscan properties 
(the Grand Dukes were great landowners and 
some of their Italian estates are still in the 
family), but since his death they are under 
the jurisdiction of the Emperor, who now sees 
to nearly everything in connection with them. 
Papa was up and about every morning at four; 
he worked all day, and only allowed himself 
the relaxation of a walk or drive. He had a 
strong constitution and an iron will, though 



44 MY OWN STORY 

his temperament was emotional and excitable, 
and lie was adored by his seventy-five servants, 
for he was a just master who entered into all 
their personal interests and did not know the 
meaning of false pride. 

Religion, as practised in Roman Catholic 
Courts, was regarded by my father with good- 
humoured contempt. "Religion," he used to 
say, ''est seulement religion d'6tiquette. " He 
lived in a world of his own ideals, but was, 
with all his imaginative tendency, a very prac- 
tical man, orderly and punctilious to a fault, 
and quite as business-like as any banker or 
lawyer. He liked to know how every detail in 
his household arrangements was carried out, 
from the decoration of the State apartments 
down to the management of the kitchens; he 
was at home everywhere' — and he made his 
presence felt. He and I were absolutely in 
sympathy with each other; we were not demon- 
strative, but a perfect understanding prevailed, 
and all I know that is useful I learnt from him. 

Our nursery days were over when we reached 
the age of seven, and when the knell of that 
happy time sounded we commenced our educa- 
tion. Since I have left Palaces and Courts I 
have been greatly amused at the interest taken 



MY OWN STORY 45 

by the public in the doings of royalty, and 
especially of royal children. The English news- 
papers teem with the sayings and doings of 
little princes and princesses, and display breath- 
less interest in their pony-riding, boat-sailing, 
and other amusements, which are, after all, 
only the usual occupations of well-bred healthy 
children; but I take it that these accounts are 
inserted to please that worthy British middle- 
class whose gods are respectability and royalty. 
I wonder if the public has the faintest idea 
of what the "education de prince" really means. 
As the Christian's life is supposed to be a con- 
stant preparation for eternity, so the life of 
young princes and princesses is a constant 
preparation for their future position. The day 
when we bade good-bye to oiu" nurses, we also 
bade good-bye to childish things, and were 
handed over to tutors and governesses to be 
moulded into the most approved patterns of 
deportment. We were supposed never to ques- 
tion anything, but merely to become clever 
automata. How tired I used to get of hearing, 
"Don't get into a carriage in that way;" or, 

"Imperial Highness , if ever you wish to 

become a queen, it will never do to enter a room 
as you do — practise repose. " It was always the 



46 MY OWN STORY 

same; we were not educated for ourselves, but 
merely to live in the eyes of the world ; our young 
lives were sacrificed to position, and we were 
not supposed to possess any individuality or 
display any emotion. 

Those who possess a grain of understanding 
will realise how awful such a life is to the un- 
fortunate possessors of temperaments, and I 
think some of the Habsburgs, myself included, 
have suffered martyrdom through the tortures 
of this restricted and artificial upbringing. On 
the other hand, there are placid unimaginative 
royalties, who take everything that comes with 
complete indifference. I have cousins who are 
quite content to possess distasteful husbands 
who were chosen for them. They seem quite 
happy on the royal treadmill, and no doubt 
their lives are in many ways preferable to the 
storm and stress which comes to those who try 
to open palace-gates and find the road to free- 
dom. "What will the people say? What will 
the people think?" That was the parrot-cry 
that we heard from morning to night, till at 
last we learnt to look on the people as a sort 
of fetish, to be placated at any cost, and if 
ever one said, "Bother the people," one was 
told of the fate which overtook unconventional 



MY OWN STORY 47 

royalties who dared to trifle with the populace, 
and my own beautifiil ancestress, Marie- An- 
toinette, was always held up as an example 
to me. My governess persisted in saying that 
if Marie-Antoinette had never played at being 
a farmer's wife she would never have been 
guillotined. On the other hand, the docility 
of Marie-Louise was always quoted as the 
proper spirit for a princess. If she had defied 
the Emperor of Austria and joined Napoleon in 
his lonely exile, she would have had . a very 
uncomfortable time, and would have found 
Longwood far less pleasant than Parma; but as 
she obeyed her family, she was made Duchess 
of Parma, had plenty of money, unlimited 
toilettes, and her subsequent marriage ventures 
with semi-plebeian husbands met with no active 
disapproval. 

I felt somehow that I should never become a 
Marie-Louise. My inner self was always strug- 
gling for mastery over outward forms and 
ceremonies, and my father was the only person 
in whom I was able to confide; but even he, 
with all his large ideas, was a little borne by 
tradition. I remember when I asked him if I 
might learn the violin, he replied, "No, it is 
not decent for a princess to play the violin." 



48 MY OWN STORY 

Fortunately for myself, however, I was par- 
tially enlightened, when still a child, about the 
boredom of society at other Courts, for at the 
age of fourteen, part of my training consisted 
in having to attend the State dinners, where I 
was ptirposely placed next uninteresting people, 
in order to teach me the art of making conver- 
sation, a valuable accomplishment for any royal 
personage to acquire. 

My first defiance of authority happened when 
I was delivered into the hands of my governess. 
I was sisterless for eight years, and had there- 
fore been the close associate and playmate of 
my four brothers, who always aided and abetted 
me in mischief. 

One day I had been unusually troublesome, 
and as a punishment I was told I should not 
be allowed to have my swimming lesson, which 
was indeed a deprivation, as I thoroughly 
enjoyed swimming. That afternoon I went out 
for a walk with my governess and my brothers 
to a small lake near Salzburg, which was a 
favourite summer rendezvous of the ''smart" 
Salzburgers. There were a number of small 
pleasure-boats on the lake, and we had our 
own boat waiting for us. My governess sat 
in it, looking the picture of pompous responsi- 



MY OWN STORY 49 

bility, and outwardly we were the best be- 
haved royal children in the world. Our progress 
greatly interested the crowd, and probably 
this was what led to my brother Leopold whis- 
pering to me, ''Let's do something." An 
inspiration seized me. Turning to my governess 
I said, "May I bathe, please?" 

''What, Imperial Highness? No — quite im- 
possible." 

"May I jump in now, please?" I asked again, 
to the subdued accompaniment of joyous giggles 
from my brothers. 

"No." 

I wasted no more time, but dived out of the 
boat, fully dressed as I was, and swam about, 
to the consternation of the spectators on shore, 
and to the furious dismay of my worthy govern- 
ess, who screamed: "Come out, you bad girl!" 
one moment, and scolded my delighted brothers 
the next. 

However, I was able to get back without 
accident, and arrived at the palace wet but 
still defiant. As I went up the great marble 
staircase, I met the Emperor's brother, the 
Archduke Ludwig- Victor, who stared at me 
in great astonishment, and finally burst out 
laughing. 



50 MY OWN STORY 

"Well, Louisa," he said, "what on earth have 
you been doing?" 

"I 've been taking my bath, " I replied. 

"It looks like it," he answered, surveying 
me, while pools from my dripping clothes were 
rapidly forming on the stairs; "and it seems to 
me," he continued, "that you always will do 
as you like," and giving me a good-natured pat 
on my wet shoulders he went his way. 

When I reached my bedroom I had an exces- 
sively unpleasant interview with mamma. She, 
too, looked at me in astonishment, and when 
she found words she said: "Only one thing is 
possible, Louisa, and that is to send for the 
doctors at once, for you must certainly be 
mad." 

Left alone with my governess I remarked: 
"You see what your 'punishment' has done. 
It was quite useless, and you need never try 
and stop my swimming lessons again." 

My education was indeed a strenuous one. 
I worked nine hours a day, and was obliged to 
go in for the regular university course. Every 
year I had to attend the examinations at Salz- 
burg, and I well remember a particular history 
examination when I was about fourteen. I was 
asked some questions about Maria-Theresa, 



MY OWN STORY 51 

and to everybody's astonishment I said loudly: 
"I think Maria-Theresa was quite right to 
choose a husband for love, and not be forced into 
marrying any one — that 's a stupid thing to 
do." But I stopped abruptly, awed by the 
genuine dismay of the horrified professors, and 
my own historj?- master turned pale at the 
thought of the interview with my parents, 
which was bound to follow as soon as they 
heard of my tirade. 

No outsider can imagine how uneventful my 
life was as a child and young girl. Salzburg 
itself is a dull town, but the palace was duller 
than a week of English Sundays. No light 
literature was allowed; we saw no newspapers 
except Catholic ones; we were never allowed to 
visit picture exhibitions, and only at rare inter- 
vals were we taken to concerts or to the theatre. 
It was an absolutely conventual existence, and 
its similarity to such a life was enhanced by 
the perpetual presence of the priestly element 
within our gates, while our collection of rosaries 
and prayer-books would have done credit to 
an ecclesiastical museimi. 

The whole atmosphere was redolent of reli- 
gion, and the Jesuits were the "Power behind 
the Throne" at Salzburg, as indeed they are at 



52 MY OWN STORY 

most Catholic Courts — indeed it would be im- 
possible to give any idea in these pages of the 
influence and authority of the priests. They 
concern themselves in all the family affairs, 
and their influence is to be feared and deplored, 
as it is not always exerted for good. Their 
calling makes one apt to forget that, after all, 
they are only men, and so their advice is not 
infrequently sought on most intimate things, 
often with lamentable results. 

I have no wish to attack the priests, although 
I have suffered greatly at their hands. There 
are priests of the character that makes saints 
and martyrs, but there are others who take 
advantage of their calling to do and say things 
utterly abhorrent to good taste and decency, 
and many a young princess has to answer at 
confession questions which should not be asked. 
Should she ever hint that she will complain 
of these personal questions, she is met with the 
threat that her confessor would in that event 
inform her parents that he had sorrowfully 
observed evidences of a perverted nature, which 
would make the convent the proper place for 
her. 

Palace life is a network of petty tyranny, for 
everybody preys on and tries to rule over some 



MY OWN STORY 53 

one else. The entourage seem to think that 
their mission in Hfe is to issue orders and to 
ape their masters, so that even as a child I 
was made aware that envy, hatred, and malice 
are greatly in evidence in a palace, and, in short, 
that the Christian virtues are rare there. 



CHAPTER III 



All about my relations — My uncles — Duke Charles of 
Parma; his collection of watches — A rare speci- 
men — The teeth that did not fit — A ducal wardrobe 
— " All-a- blowing ' ' — Visits and visitors — Vienna 
— The Empress Elizabeth; how her hair was dressed — 
A long walk — The Empress presents me with the 
Stern Kreuz Order — Our last meeting. 



55 



CHAPTER III 



T^HOUGH my paternal grandmother pos- 
sessed no pronounced characteristics, my 
father and his brothers were most interesting 
and uncommon personalities. 

My uncle, the Archduke Ludwig-Salvator, 
is a highly original person and a gifted and 
learned man. He has spent his entire life in 
research of every description, and is an authority 
on geography, natural history, and botany. 
He owns a beautiful villa on the island of 
Majorca, called ''Miramar" after the Emperor 
of Austria's castle; there he leads what he 
considers the ideal "simple life," the main 
element of which consists in doing exactly what 
he likes. He lives like a peasant, wears sandals 
and loose linen trousers; his skin is burnt a 
deep copper colour and he works indefatiga- 
bly in his vineyards and gardens. He has a 
boundless love of Nature, is perfectly pagan 

57 



58 MY OWN STORY 

in his theories, and I think I am right in saying 
that he is a Sun Worshipper. 

My Uncle Ludwig is on excellent terms with 
the country folk, but strangers are anathema 
to him. He was a great friend and kindred 
spirit of the late Empress Elizabeth, who occa- 
sionally came as a welcome guest to his mountain 
retreat. The Archduke loves his yacht, which 
is always kept in readiness lest at any moment 
he should decide to put to sea. He was once 
wrecked off the African coast, where he and the 
crew narrowly escaped capture by some of the 
hostile tribes. He wrote a book about this 
adventure, entitled Shipwreck: or a Midsummer 
Night's Dream, and in it he describes his yacht 
as being "the only place that I can call home." 

I think I am imbued with some of his love of 
solitude, for I am never so happy as when I am 
alone with Nature, "the world forgetting, by 
the world forgot." 

My father's second brother, the Archduke 
Charles-Salvator, also disliked the restrictions 
of Court life. His chief amusement consisted 
in riding about in omnibuses and trams, and 
these democratic tastes caused the municipal 
authorities many anxious moments. He was 
a wonderful craftsman, and his "locksmith" 



MY OWN STORY 59 

work was a marvel of delicate ingenuity. His 
son, the Archduke Francis-Sal vat or, who is 
very clever, married the Emperor of Austria's 
daughter, the Archduchess Valerie, and my 
uncle died only nine days before his first little 
granddaughter was bom. 

The Archduke John, my father's youngest 
brother, better known to the world as "John 
Orth," has had such a romantic career that I 
shall later deal with it at length. My father's 
sisters were not so interesting as their brothers. 

My maternal great-grandfather, Duke Charles 
of Parma and Lucca, was one of the most 
amusing and original of men. He had estates 
in Saxony, to which he retired when he became 
weary of Court life. He was always a Protestant 
at Meissen, where his favourite castle was situ- 
ated, and when he was remonstrated with on 
the subject by his spiritual advisers he re- 
plied: "When I go to Constantinople, I shall 
be a Mahometan; in fact, wherever I go I 
always adopt, for the time being, the religion 
of the country, as it keeps me so much more 
in tone with the local colour-scheme." He 
was very erratic, and it is said that one day 
he accepted an invitation to lunch and promised 
to arrive in twenty minutes at his host's house, 



6o MY OWN STORY 

but suddenly changed his mind, ordered his 
carriage, and went off to Parma, then a three 
days' journey, without a word of explanation. 
His servants were never sure of his comings 
and goings. Everything in the castle was kept 
in readiness for him, and the sound of his travel- 
ling-carriage was the only intimation ever re- 
ceived that he had returned from one of his 
long absences. 

He was a great admirer of the fair sex, and 
there is a window in the castle at Meissen which 
is almost completely covered with the auto- 
graphs of the ladies who came there. Between 
him and his wife terms of courtesy and coldness 
existed. The Duchess bored him to tears. 
She was devote and excessively plain, and when- 
ever he returned from a visit to Parma, he was 
wont to exclaim: "II faut absolument que 
j'aille me retremper aupres d'une jolie fem^me 
apres ce tombeau de mon illustre compagne." 

I made my great-grandfather's acquaintance 
at Nice when I was twelve years old, and I can 
clearly recall our meeting. I went to see him 
with my mother, and the first thing that struck 
me when I entered the room was the ticking of 
innumerable watches, for the Duke delighted 
in antique watches, of which he had a coUec- 



MY OWN STORY 6i 

tion of about six hundred. They were all 
kept wound up, and they were beautiful and 
rare specimens of the watchmaker's art. Some 
of the watches lived in perpetual seclusion in 
chamois-leather cases, as the subjects painted 
or enamelled on them were, although beautiful, 
slightly risque examples of the genre Louis 
XV. I believe the old Duke was often asked 
why he gave these very "fast" timepieces a 
place in his collection, and he invariably an- 
swered: "Well, I adore Nature; and as Nature 
was created to be admired, why shouldn't I 
admire it on my watches?" 

When I was presented to my great-grandfather, 
I saw him as an elegant old man, who was nearly 
blind. He passed his hand over my face, and 
said: "Ah, you resemble Marie- Antoinette, but 
you have a happier expression." Then, with 
a sudden burst of energy, he added: "Regarde 
moi bien, Louise, je suis une bete rare. Je suis 
ton arriere grand-pere qui est maintenant vieux 
et degoutant." 

I looked at him, and said decidedly: "You 
must have been very handsome, great-grand- 
father." 

"Yes, yes," he replied, "and I enjoyed life, 
and doubtless you will enjoy it, too, little one." 



62 MY OWN STORY 

"1 hope," said mamma, coldly, speaking for 
the first time, "that Louise will not follow in 
your footsteps, grandfather." 

The old man laughed at this tribute to his 
younger days. When I said good-bye to him, 
he gave me a lovely jewelled box for a souvenir, 
and before changing the subject I must tell 
another story about him. As I have said, he 
dearly loved a pretty face, and one day he was 
asked to a dinner-party to meet some really 
beautiful women. The Duke was then quite 
an old man, and he was, I regret to say, tooth- 
less, for he would never wear artificial teeth. 
However, the possibility of renewing his con- 
quests so appealed to him that he went to a 
dentist and was supplied with a set of false 
teeth for the eventful banquet. All went well 
at first; the Duke smiled at the fair ones, and 
rejoiced that he could smile so freely; but 
suddenly, without any warning, something 
went wrong with the plate, and he was unable 
to shut his mouth. He remained in this un- 
enviable position for a few minutes, and the 
guests began to fear he had been seized with a 
fit, but when he found he could not close his 
jaws he wrenched out the teeth in an access 
of fury, and flung them to the other side of 



MY OWN STORY 63 

the room where they remained until after dinner, 
when the servants swept them up. 

My uncle, Duke Robert of Parma, kept all 
his murdered father's wardrobe at the Castle 
of Wartegg, and I never saw such a wonderful 
collection of clothes. Duke Charles had been 
a great dandy, and his passion for fine apparel 
was somewhat like that of Queen Elizabeth of 
England. There were endless uniforms, smart 
suits for all occasions, and English creations 
specially designed for the rather flamboyant 
taste of young bloods of that period. Once 
a year all the clothes were taken out of cup- 
boards and wardrobes, and hung up on lines in 
the great courtyard and in the castle gardens 
to be aired. I happened to be at Wartegg dur- 
ing one of the yearly airings, and the sight was 
unforgettable. A high wind was blowing, and 
as the trousers and coats became inflated, they 
presented the appearance of a regiment of 
swinging headless bodies endowed with a gro- 
tesque semblance of life. 

The first time I ever travelled was in 1876, 
when we all went to Paris. I remember what 
an exciting journey it was, and I think we must 
have been very troublesome, for we insisted 
upon crawling up into the luggage-racks whence 



64 MY OWN STORY 

we were dislodged with difficulty. We arrived 
at Paris in the evening, and I know that a great 
family gathering met us at the station, but 
beyond that my impressions of Paris are very 
vague. 

As I grew older, I often used to accompany 
my father on his shooting expeditions, and, 
thanks to his tuition, I became a fairly good 
shot, and could bring down a chamois without 
much difficulty. I loved those times; the in- 
vigorating mountain air, the free life, the com- 
panionship of my beloved father, all gave me a 
taste of liberty, and I was sorry when the time 
came to return to the priest-ridden palace of 
Salzburg. We had no fixed summer residence; 
sometimes we went to Bohemia, sometimes to 
Lindau, and occasionally to my grandmother's 
residence near Gmunden — ^the Villa Orth — 
which my Uncle John had built for her, modelled 
on the style of a Pompeiian villa. It was a 
beautiful place, with a glass-covered courtyard 
and replete with artistic treasures. 

The Emperor of Austria's father, the Archduke 
Franz-Karl, lived in another part of the palace at 
Salzburg, and I remember as a child of six dining 
with the kind old man, and seeing the Empress 
Maria-Anna, wife of the Emperor Ferdinand, 



MY OWN STORY 65 

who abdicated in favour of his nephew Francis- 
Joseph in 1848. The Empress was rather odd- 
looking, for she would not discard the crinoline 
or flounced skirts of the early 'fifties, and as her 
millinery was also of that period she looked 
somewhat archaic. Ferdinand was an epilep- 
tic, and had a distressing fit on his marriage 
night. My mother once met him at dinner 
when she visited the Castle of Hradschin from 
Carlsbad. He was then quite mad, but as he 
was harmless he was allowed to meet and see 
members of his family. Mamma knew that, al- 
though every dish was offered to him, for form's 
sake, he had strict orders to refuse those which 
his medical advisers considered unwholesome. 
When mamma helped herself to some nuts, the 
Emperor looked greedily at her plate but re- 
fused nuts himself. Suddenly he said, "All 
right, if I *m not allowed to have any — I '11 
take them," and then and there he grabbed all 
mamma's nuts, much to her dismay. 

Royal visitors occasionally came to Salzburg. 
I remember the Crown Prince Rudolph of 
Austria and his bride, Princess Stephanie of 
Belgium, coming to see the Archduke Franz- 
Karl. Leopold, King of the Belgians, and 
Princess Clementine accompanied them; Clem- 



66 MY OWN STORY 

entine was a little girl at the time, and I re- 
member admiring her pretty embroidered dress 
tied with a rose-pink sash, and her long brown 
hair which flowed over her shoulders. This was 
quite a gala visit for Salzburg, and there was 
much excitement, and an imposing display of 
fireworks. 

I also saw Queen Amelie of Portugal when she 
passed through Salzburg with her mother the 
Comtesse de Paris. I gave her all my youthful 
admiration, for she was so sweet and charming, 
and I thought she looked very pretty in her 
tailor-made costimie. 

The Shah of Persia also visited Salzburg, 
\^"'' and I was much impressed when I saw him 
riding through the streets on a white horse with 
its mane dyed red, while an attendant held a 
large umbrella over him. The Persians were 
most uncleanly in their habits. They slaugh- 
tered animals and roasted them whole on the 
inlaid marble floors, so that every one was 
devoutly glad when the visit came to an end. 

I went to Vienna when I was eleven, for the 
somewhat prosaic purpose of having "my teeth 
seen to." I shall never forget my first impres- 
sion of the Austrian capital. It was perfectly 
overwhelming, for at Salzburg we lived years 



MY OWN STORY 67 

behind the times, and I saw trams and electric 
light at Vienna for the first time. The great event 
which took place during my stay there was the 
unveiling of a monument to my heroine Maria- 
Theresa, and on this occasion nearly all the 
Habsburgs met. I was very much impressed, 
and wrote a long letter about it to my brother 
Leopold. We often went to the Hofburg, where 
I once had a glimpse of the Empress Elizabeth as 
she glided through a corridor, looking like some 
beautiful ghost. She always attracted me 
strangely, and it may have been that some kind 
of subtle sympathy between her past troubles 
and my future ones drew us together. 

The Empress was really a lovely woman, and 
her hair was exquisite. When it was unbound 
it simply enveloped her, and one maid was spe- 
cially selected to dress it. The coiffure was car- 
ried out in rather a strange way. The carpet 
in the dressing-room was covered with white 
linen sheeting, and the Empress sat on a low 
chair in the middle of the room. The maid was 
dressed in white, and a most curious proceeding 
took place when the process was over of brushing 
and combing the luxuriant tresses and braiding 
them into the elaborate plaits affected by the 
Empress. The maid collected and counted every 



68 MY OWN STORY 

hair that remained in the brush and comb, and 
active search was also made on her dress and on 
the carpet for any other hairs, which had fallen 
out. The number was then told the Empress, 
who was exceedingly displeased if she thought 
too many hairs had come out during the "dress- 
ing, " and the maid had a mauvais quart d'heure 
in consequence. 

The Empress had many eccentricities, mostly 
well known to the public, but I remember hearing 
that, on one occasion, when she was stopping at 
Lainz, she indulged in a very fatiguing escapade. 
She was in the habit of taking her "Greek 
Reader" with her on her walks in the lovely 
woods and park which siu-round the castle, and 
she rarely went beyond them. One evening 
she ventured outside, but as she had a silent fit 
on, the Reader had perforce to be silent also, and 
for eight hours of the night the Empress walked 
round Vienna, wrapped in her own sad and 
gloomy thoughts, and was only recalled to her- 
self and her surroundings when day broke and 
she found that she was outside her own domain 
with a very patient and footsore Reader in 
attendance. 

I saw the Empress Elizabeth in May, 1889, 
after the tragedy of Meyerling, when I went to 



MY OWN STORY 69 

receive from her the Stern Kreuz Order. This 
Order is always given to Austrian Archduchesses 
when they attain their majority, and marks 
their formal presentation at the Court of Vienna. 
I went to the Hofburg with my mother, and the 
Empress received us in special audience. She 
was dressed in the deepest black. Her face, 
which looked out like some pale snow-fiower from 
the folds of her heavy crepe veil, showed traces 
of incessant weeping, and she had a nervous 
habit of constantly wiping the corners of her 
mouth with her handkerchief. 

She was very kind to me when I thanked her 
for presenting me with the Order, and I felt the 
sharp contrast between myself in all my youth 
and this sad mother who seemed to have com- 
pletely finished with the splendour and gaiety 
of the life to which my Stern Kreuz Order was 
the passport. 

I never again saw her alive. When I stood by 
her coffin in the Imperial vault of the Capuchins, 
I felt that she was happy at last, and I like to 
imagine her spirit roaming untrammelled in the 
Elysian fields, exchanging thoughts with Heine, 
and reunited to her much-beloved Rudolph. 

Few people really understood the Empress, 
and her excessive shyness was often attributed 



70 MY OWN STORY 

to pride or artificiality. Many troubles had 
chilled her emotions, and she became a prey to 
the spirit of unrest; but as a beautiful woman 
and a devoted mother Elizabeth of Austria has 
had few equals. 



CHAPTER IV 



Marriage projects — Much of a muchness — Dam Pedro 
— My first visit to Saxony — The Castle of Moritzhurg 
— The Cohurg alliance — ^^ Aunt Coffee-Mill" — A 
screaming interview. 



71 



CHAPTER IV 



\/[ OTHERS who possess daughters are alike all 
* ' * the world over when it becomes a question 
of finding husbands for them, although the ma- 
trimonial projects of "royalties" present diffi- 
culties which do not occur in the marriages of 
subjects. 

Luckily for most princesses the question of 
their looks is not generally of vital importance. 
Religion and essential health for futtu"e mater- 
nity are the chief factors in a proposed match. 
Inclination, affinity, and love are, of course, de- 
sirable adjuncts, but they are, I am afraid, very 
often absent from royal marriages. 

I do not wish to imply that a princess is forced 
to accept the first suitor who presents himself. 
She can choose her future husband within certain 
limits, but as most princes and kings are very 
much alike, choice is not a difficult matter after 
all. Part of our education is to accept without 
question whatever lies upon the knees of the 
gods, and although every princess doubtless at 

73 



74 MY OWN STORY 

some time dreams of an ideal Prince Charming, 
she rarely meets him, and she usually marries 
some one quite different from the hero of her 
girlhood's dreams. 

I used to ask my married cousins if they had 
ever been in love, and whether their husbands 
were affectionate and devoted in a solitude a 
deux, but I always received the same reply: 

"Oh, Louisa, how can you ask such questions? 
One does not discuss these subjects." So my 
curiosity remained unsatisfied. I supposed, as a 
matter of course, that I should be married some 
day, and I devoutly hoped that mamma and papa 
would find me a husband with whom I should be 
in sympathy. 

Mamma's matrimonial campaign on my be- 
half began when I was sixteen. The Empress of 
Brazil, who was my great-aunt, had a nephew, 
V Dom Pedro, and she thought he would make m.e 
a most suitable husband. She confided her 
plans to mamma, who lost no time in taking 
me to Baden-Baden, where the Empress and 
Dom Pedro were staying. I had no idea why 
we were going to see my great-aunt, but I 
somehow felt I was out for inspection; indeed 
my brothers teased me, and said I should soon 
find out that I had been sold to an unknown 



MY OWN STORY 75 

husband, and this greatly enraged me. How- 
ever, I found Dom Pedro quite a nice boy, 
though we did not fulfil the matrimonial hopes 
of our relations. He merely looked on me as 
an amusing girl, and we spent most of our time 
romping about in the gardens. 

Poor Dom Pedro! Three years after our 
meeting he went mad, and he "is now under re- 
straint in a castle somewhere in Austria. 

In the simuner of 1887, my parents, my two 
brothers, and myself went to stay at the Castle 
of Pillnitz ; and on this visit to Saxony I saw my 
future husband, Prince Frederick- August, for the 
first time. 

My brothers, as usual, teased me about getting 
married. "You will see, Louisa," they said, 
"that you will be cooped up in Saxony as Queen 
one day." I secretly determined that I should 
not be forced into doing anything or marrying 
any one I did not like, but at the same time I re- 
solved to be watchful and find out all I could of 
what was going on around me. 

Queen Carola was very sweet to me, and gave 
a ball in my honoiu:. I was wildly excited, as 
this was the first real ball to which I had ever 
been. Naturally my toilette was the great ques- 
tion, and I eventually chose a gown of pink 



76 MY OWN STORY 

mousseline de sole, with a tiny decolletage, and 
very short sleeves. I took two hours to dress, 
and I remember how girlish and happy I was, 
and what a thrill of innocent vanity I felt when 
I saw my reflection in the long mirror. My 
brown hair was plaited and entwined with pale 
pink roses, and some of mamma's beautiful 
jewels, lent to me for this great occasion, were 
displayed on my dainty gown. 

Prince Frederick- August was only twenty-one, 
and looked handsome and gallant in his uniform 
of blue and gold. We danced together several 
times, and I remember saying to him when he 
laid aside his busby on a chair, "What a fine 
bouquet-holder for my cotillion flowers ; I 11 put 
them in it." I did so, and gradually the 
busby became quite full of flowers! I thought 
Frederick- August most charming, and indeed I 
was favourably impressed by everybody and 
everything on this visit to Saxony. 

I was greatly struck with the magnificent cas- 
tles belonging to the King of Saxony — that of 
Moritzburg especially. It is situated in the midst 
of a lake, and is siirrounded by woods on all sides. 
The castle, which formerly belonged to August 
the Strong, Elector of Saxony, is a massive build- 
ing with four round towers, and the interior 



MY OWN STORY 77 

is a treastire-house of pictures, tapestries, and 
antique furniture. Many of the State rooms 
have walls hung with exquisite Cordova leather, 
and the great dining-hall is decorated with sport- 
ing trophies. Here is kept the famous drinking- 
cup made from a stag's antlers, out of which, 
according to time-honoured tradition, every 
guest at Moritzburg must drink. 

The horn is filled with champagne, but it is very 
difficult to drink all the wine as custom demands. 
It runs into the antlers in a very "tricky" way, 
and those people who only manage to drink part 
of it are only credited with achieving the "Little 
Cascade." More fortunate individuals who 
tilt the horn at the proper angle drink the whole 
without accident, and achieve the honour of doing 
the "Great Cascade." A very interesting book 
is kept, going back for a hundred years, in which 
are recorded the names of those who have drunk 
out of the horn cup, and whether they were 
"Great or Little Cascaders. " 

Moritzburg is a fine sporting estate. The 
woods abound with wild boars and stags, and 
there are also immense game preserves. There 
is a charming villa in the Park which was given 
by the Elector August to Count Marcolini, his 
favoiurite Minister; it contains most beautiful 



78 MY OWN STORY 

eighteenth-century furniture, and one room is 
full of stuffed birds of every description. 

We were shown the villa by a very original 
caretaker, who waxed enthusiastic on the subject 
of the stuffed birds, and kept on repeating, 
"Look at that pheasant — there he's quite a 
baby, there he's getting older, and isn't he 
splendid in that case when he is grown up." 

Before leaving Saxony, we went to the military 
manoeuvres, but I did not see Prince Frederick- 
August, who for some reason had a bad attack 
of shyness, and kept out of the way. We 
thoroughly enjoyed our visit, although nothing 
matrimonial came of it, and four years passed 
before the question of my marriage was again 
seriously discussed. 

In the winter of 1891, I went on a visit to 
Vienna with papa, and it was understood 
that I should again meet Prince Ferdinand of 
Bulgaria. Our first meeting had taken place at 
one of the family dinners when I found myself, a 
child of fourteen, sitting between Ferdinand and 
his brother Philip of Coburg. The two princes 
paid no attention to me, but quite ignored my 
presence, and talked across me to each other. 
Their conversation was carried on in Hungarian, 
which I understood perfectly, and it consisted of 



MY OWN STORY 79 

more or less "after-dinner stories, " and vivid ac- 
counts of their various love affairs quite unsuited 
for childish ears. I sat perfectly silent until 
dinner was nearly over, and then, turning to 
Ferdinand, I said in fluent Hungarian: "Don't 
you think it is rather unwise to talk about your 
affairs in a foreign language without first making 
sure that your neighbour does not understand 
it? " Ferdinand was somewhat taken aback, and 
I continued: "Don't be distiirbed, I could not 
possibly repeat your secrets." At this remark 
both brothers burst out laughing, and Philip 
cried: "Bravo! she's a wonderful little girl, 
let 's make a friend of her." /' There 's nothing so 
useful," I retorted, "as to make a friend of a 
person you are afraid of." Ferdinand eyed 
me critically, and said to Philip in a voice 
charged with meaning: "I didn't know they 
grew such nice little plants at Salzburg." He 
always called me "Ma petite cousine polyglotte," 
after this, and took a great interest in my doings ; 
and whenever he and his mother, Princess 
Clementine, came to Salzburg, he always con- 
trived to have a few words with me. 

My father was very much in favour of a mar- 
riage between myself and Prince Ferdinand, but 
my mother greatly objected to a Coburg alliance, 



8o MY OWN STORY 

as she detested the family root and branch. 
Had I not been attracted to Prince Frederick- 
August, of whom somehow or other I was 
always thinking, I might perhaps have not 
been averse to becoming Princess of Bulgaria, 
for Ferdinand was handsome, rich, and not 
unamusing. 

I was very much interested in my parents' 
plots and counterplots, and I reflected that, as 
usual, the looker-on saw most of the game. 
One day papa, who was most anxious for me 
to see Princess Clementine of Coburg, asked me 
to go for a drive with him, and said, some- 
what shyly: "Suppose, Louisa, that we go and 
see Aunt Clementine. " 

"With pleasure, papa," I answered, trying 
to hide a smile at his transparent ruse, for I 
knew how joyous he was at scoring off mamma. 

We arrived at the Palais Coburg, a gorgeous 
mansion, and waited for Aunt Clementine in a 
beautiful salon, full of flowers and costly bric-^- 
brac. Papa was very nervous, but I was per- 
fectly cool, and presently my aunt arrived. 
The Princess was short and fat, but withal not 
inelegant, and very much grande dame. She 
had piercing blue eyes, a prominent nose, and 
the brains and judgment of an exceptionally 



MY OWN STORY 8i 

clever man. Unfortunately, Aunt Clementine 
was extremely deaf and used a large ear-trum- 
pet which we irreverently called "The Coffee- 
Mill"; indeed, in our family she was known 
as "Aunt Coffee-Mill," and as she possessed 
an exceptionally mauvaise langue, my brothers 
declared that she ground the reputations of 
others to powder in her "Coffee-Mill." 

When Princess Clementine came into the sa- 
lon she looked at me with kindly scrutiny, and 
said to papa: "EUe est bien jolie, et je serais 
contente de I'avoir comme fille. " She then took 
papa's arm and went into the next room, where 
they commenced what I can only describe as a 
shrieking duet. Papa shouted his hopes and 
plans about me into the ear-trumpet, and Aunt 
Clementine shrieked aloud her matrimonial 
designs for Ferdinand, and in this amusing way 
I heard their best-laid schemes. 

Papa did not speak much French, and Princess 
Clementine did not speak much Italian, so 
whenever their respective meanings became 
slightly obscured they shouted at each other 
louder than ever. At last the noise got on my 
nerves, and I was on the point of giving a shriek 
on my own account to relieve my overwrought 
feelings, but luckily controlled the impulse and 



82 MY OWN STORY 

contented myself with re-arranging a bowl of 
lilies on the table near me. 

On the way home I looked quizzically at 
papa, who was slightly hoarse after his imac- 
customed vocal efforts. He returned my glance 
and smiled. I pressed his hand, and said, 
laughing: "Your secret is mine, and I '11 not 
say a word to mamma, but why on earth didn't 
you bring a megaphone if you wanted to speak 
to Aunt Coffee-Mill?" 

In the early summer of 1891, I went again 
to Vienna with mamma, who wished to make 
a pilgrimage to Maria of Zell. I have an idea 
that she imagined the Virgin of Zell might 
look favourably on her marriage projects. Any- 
how, while we were lunching at a tiny inn on 
the road to Zell a telegram was handed to 
mamma, who told me that Prince George of 
Saxony and his son Prince Frederick-August 
were coming to Lindau on June 19th, and 
that we must try to get out of going to see 
Princess Clothilde and her brother Prince 
Ferdinand. 

It was then Jtme nth, and, sad to relate, 
mamma did not accomplish her pilgrimage. 
Like most religious things it went to the winds 
when worldly matters arose, and our thoughts 



MY OWN STORY 83 

veered round to marriage and the two prospec- 
tive husbands I was so soon to meet. 

Mamma decided that we had better return 
to Vienna and pay a flying visit to Princess 
Clothilde, and so, a day or two afterwards, we 
went to Buda-Pesth and thence to Alcuth, 
where the Princess has a magnificent castle. 

A carriage and four met us at the station; 
the coachman wore the picturesque Hungarian 
costume and flourished an enormous whip. 
Then commenced a wild drive which lasted 
for two hours; we tore over sands and fields 
where no road had ever been; nobody can 
imagine what it was like, but I managed, not- 
withstanding all the bumping and shaking, to 
admire the rough country, the old-world villages 
where the storks nested on the houses, and the 
pretty costumes worn by the peasants. It was 
very hot, and we were glad when at last the 
castle and civilisation came in sight. I wore a 
pink cambric dress and a pretty pink straw hat 
profusely trimmed with Parma violets, and I 
remember anxiously wondering what impression 
I should make on Princess Clothilde, who, with 
her husband and daughters, received us with 
great cordiality. 

Soon afterwards Ferdinand appeared. I al- 



84 MY OWN STORY 

ways think that in him the theatrical world has 
lost a fine comic-opera king, for he looks as 
though he ought to be on the stage, singing 
about himself and wooing a stage princess in 
the approved manner. On this occasion, when 
he wooed me, Ferdinand was most elaborately 
attired in a light grey suit with an ultra chic 
Panama hat. He constantly waved his well- 
manicured hands, and displayed the costly 
rings which glittered on his fingers. He atti- 
tudinised like a narcissus, and kept on posing 
until he thought doubtless I was sufiiciently 
impressed by his fine figure, his rings, and last, 
but not least, his smart yellow boots; he then 
suggested a walk in the castle gardens and, of 
course, I readily accompanied him. Mamma 
went with us out of respect for the proprieties, 
but it was very warm and we soon left her 
behind, looking angry and alarmed at seeing 
me alone with the man she detested. 

Ferdinand cut some flowers, and as he ar- 
ranged a posy of red and white roses he said, 
pointing to them: "Do you know that these 
roses and their leaves represent the Bul- 
garian national colours? Are they not a pretty 
combination?" 

"Quite charming," I answered demurely. 



MY OWN STORY 85 

"Would you like to see Bulgaria, Cousin 
Louisa?" 

"Oh yes, if it 's not too uncivilised." 

"Is that all you can find to say?" he cried 
in an excited tone. "Then / will speak. I 
have known you long enough to appreciate 
your good qualities,! admireyou — I feel lonely." 

"Well — ^get married," I said lightly. 

"I have thought of it, but I have met with 
no success," replied Ferdinand; "and that is a 
good thing, for now I know that you alone are 
the woman I can love." 

"Well," said I with mock earnestness, "let 
me assure you at once that I do not and could not 
love you, and should not be happy as your wife." 

"Oh, Louisa," he pleaded. "I would do 
everything for you." 

"It would be of no use," I answered. 

"But I love you so dearly," he persisted. 

I lost patience with him. "Cousin," I said, 
"do realise once and for all that I can never 
love you." 

"C'est la premiere fois qu'une femme me dit 
cela," he exclaimed. "Be wise, Louisa; think 
of all that it lies in my power to give you." 

"I quite realise yoiir worldly advantages, but 
you would never be able to give me real happi- 



86 MY OWN STORY 

ness. Listen Ferdinand," I continued seriously. 
"I 'm sure you only want to marry me because 
I am an Austrian Archduchess ; the word Arch- 
duchess stands for love in your vocabulary, and 
you have promised your Ministers to rettirn 
to Bulgaria betrothed to one. Well — / shall 
not marry you. You 'd better go to the Duke 
of Parma and ask him for my cousin, Marie- 
Louise." And I turned and left him looking 
the picture of despair. 

Even now I can see Ferdinand, faced with 
explanations to his Ministers, standing in that 
sunny garden among the roses wringing his 
large white hands and exclaiming: 

"Oh, Mon Dieu! Mon Dieu!" 

Later in the afternoon he begged mamma to 
try and induce me to change my mind, but she 
told him, with a great deal of truth, that "when 
once Louisa has made up her mind, neither 
God nor the Devil will make her change it." 

The same evening, at dinner, I sat next the 
Bulgarian Lord High Chamberlain, the Count 
de Bourboiilon, who was quite an interesting 
man; and as Ferdinand had brought several 
smart young Bulgarian officers in his suite, the 
time passed pleasantly, and I chattered away 
to my heart's content. 



MY OWN STORY 87 

Ferdinand was in a vile temper, and when 
courtesy obliged him to drink to my health, he 
banged his glass savagely on the table as if his 
one idea was to break it; he sulked, and hardly 
spoke at all, and gobbled bread incessantly. 
From time to time he sent vindictive glances in 
my direction as I sat making myself particularly 
agreeable to his Minister with the somewhat 
malicious motive, I am afraid, of endeavouring 
to make the Count realise what a charming 
Princess of Bulgaria I should have made. 

After dinner we made our adieus, and drove 
back to Alcuth in the wild manner of the 
morning. We got into the waiting train before 
Ferdinand arrived at the station, and he sent 
Count de Bourboulon to ask us to give him the 
pleasure of our company in his coupe. Mamma 
declined, and her refusal made him sulkier than 
ever, and I fear he must have made things very 
unpleasant for every one in his suite. He took 
my advice, however, and the same year he mar- 
ried my cousin. Princess Marie-Louise of Parma, 
who died after six years of married life. His 
second wife is Princess Eleonore of Reuss, who 
has been the kindest and best of stepmothers 
to my cousin's motherless children. 



CHAPTER V 



Domestic scenes — Arrival of Prince Frederick-August of 
Saxony — I accept him as my future husband — Our 
"betrothal — "4 Chevalier sans reproche" — Marriage 
formalities — My trousseau and jewels — I bid good- 
bye to Salzburg — The Hofburg — The Act of Renunci- 
ation — My wedding day — "Golden Roses" — My lit- 
tle trainbearer — An old superstition; how it came 
true — We leave for Prague — The Emperor's train de 
luxe. 



89 



CHAPTER V 



/^N otir return to Vienna we went to my 
grandmother's residence, the Villa Orth, 
where my father awaited us, and there was a 
somewhat unpleasant scene between my parents 
over the Bulgarian fiasco, which had greatly 
pleased mamma. Papa, on the contrary, was 
very much annoyed at my refusal to accept 
Prince Ferdinand, and I think he dreaded the 
interview he would be obliged to have with 
Princess Clementine, who went nearly mad 
with rage when she was told that I had declined 
the honour of a Coburg alliance. 

I was rather alarmed at all the bad temper 
displayed simply because I would not marry 
Ferdinand, but my grandmother consoled me, 
saying: "My dear, never be forced into doing 
anything repugnant to you; your other suitor 
will doubtless please you better, and I hear 
that he is quite a 'good boy.*" 

I was very nervous and apprehensive in the 
overcharged home atmosphere, and I wondered 

91 



92 MY OWN STORY 

with a terrified wonder whether I should be 
obliged ultimately to accept my parents' choice 
of a husband without consulting my own in- 
clinations. For the first time in my life I felt 
the dreadful "trapped" sensation that I after- 
wards experienced so much, and I cried bitterly 
when I contrasted my position with that of 
other girls, who were, as I imagined, not pre- 
cipitated into matrimony, but were allowed a 
more liberal choice of a husband than a poor 
princess. 

From Gmunden we went to Lindau, and on 
June 19th my future husband arrived, accom- 
panied by his father and sister. Prince Fred- 
erick-August only stayed at Lindau two days, 
but before leaving he proposed formally for 
my hand. When papa told me this, and asked 
me what answer he should give to the Prince, 
I hesitated, and begged for time to think it 
over. I considered the matter in all lights; I 
knew that my parents wished me to marry, 
and my independent spirit demanded a larger 
area in which to think and act than my life 
at Salzburg afforded. I wished to be in evi- 
dence somewhere, and my ambitions were 
pleased with the prospect of becoming a queen, 
for although I fully recognised the hoUowness 




Photo by Otto Mayer, Dresden. 

MY husband: king FREDERICK-AUGUST OF SAXONY 

93 



MY OWN STORY 95 

of royal state, I was romantic enough to imagine 
that a princess who desired to enroll her name 
in history would have no difficulty in making 
herself a "Power for Good." My girlish dream 
was to win the affection of my future sub- 
jects; and this is, perhaps, the only dream of 
mine that has ever become a reality, for even 
to-day, exiled and lonely, I know that thousands 
of loving hearts beat for me, and that I shall 
not lose my sovereignty over the affections of 
my beloved Saxon people, who have remained 
loyal to me and have never failed to offer me 
consolation in my darkest hours. 

I told papa that I was quite willing to marry 
Prince Frederick- August, who returned to Lin- 
dau directly the news was communicated to 
him. Mamma insisted on my donning a very 
becoming gown to celebrate my formal be- 
trothal, so I awaited the Prince's arrival in a 
pale blue silk dress. I felt nervous and excited, 
as I realised that I had now crossed the Rubi- 
con, and I kept on repeating to myself, "I 
wonder, I wonder if I shall be happy?" 

When Prince Frederick-August was shown 
into the salon where we were assembled, I 
forgot my own heart-searchings in pity for his 
nervousness. He was too distrait to give my 



96 MY OWN STORY 

parents the kiss which etiquette demanded, 
but advanced towards me, blushing furiously, 
and bestowed a very, very shy kiss on my 
forehead. 

After that first ordeal was over, we recovered 
our composure, and closer acquaintance with 
my fiance revealed his many excellent qualities 
of heart and mind, a discovery which was a 
source of great joy to me, for I now felt sure 
that my marriage would be a happy one. 

Frederick-August was very good-looking, 
tall and well set up, with an open expression, 
and the kindest blue eyes in the world. I do 
not think that a better-hearted man exists; he 
seemed then, as he is now, loath to believe in 
wickedness and intrigue ; he looked upon women 
as sacred beings, and he was chivalrous to a 
fault. His good qualities have been his worst 
enemies, because his innate nobility has always 
prevented him from realising what designing 
minds are capable of contriving. What a mis- 
fortune that no kindly Fate interposed at our 
betrothal, to warn us that this seemingly ideal 
union would result, ten years later, in my 
being banished from, my home through the 
machinations of enemies, and that I should 
be forced, in order to try to save myself from 



MY OWN STORY 97 

utter ruin, to inflict lifelong stifEering on the 
best of husbands! 

But nothing occurred to give us a glimpse 
into futurity. I had been much pleased with 
my first impressions of Saxony, and as my 
father's first wife was a Saxon princess, I 
naturally felt that there was a tie between 
the two Houses which would probably make 
me less of a stranger to my husband's family 
than would otherwise have been the case. So 
I looked at my future through the rosiest of 
glasses; after all, I reflected, I had really nothing 
to trouble about. My betrothed husband was 
young, handsome, and devoted to me, and 
even if he was a trifle shy and awkward as a 
lover, these traits were commendable, for they 
conclusively proved that Frederick- August had 
kept "fancy free," and that I should not be 
confronted with any spectres of the past, or 
hear highly-coloured accounts of affaires de 
cceur with actresses and others. 

Although my parents had given their consent 
to my projected marriage, formal permission had 
to be obtained from one mightier than they — 
namely, the head of the Habsburgs, the Em- 
peror Francis-Joseph. My father, therefore, 
•telegraphed to him saying: "Je demande k 



98 MY OWN STORY 

votre Majeste, la permission de donner ma fille 
Louisa, en mariage au Prince Frederic- Augusta 
de Saxe." The Emperor (who knew all about it 
long before papa's announcement) replied imme- 
diately that he was very pleased to hear the news, 
and sent us both his affectionate felicitations. 

The important preliminaries were now settled, 
and my wedding day was fixed for November 
2 1st, the same month and almost the same date 
that thirty-five years previously had seen papa's 
marriage with Princess Anna of Saxony. 

The great question of my trousseau was now 
the topic of the hour, and while my father was 
arranging the marriage formalities with the high 
Court officials at Vienna, mamma and I were 
deep in the mysteries of chiffons. I must 
confess that selecting my gowns gave me ex- 
ceptional pleasure, for, unlike most girls who 
choose their own frocks, and nowadays often 
those of their mothers as well, I had never 
hitherto been allowed to say what I should 
like to wear, but had been obliged meekly to 
accept what was given me. The orders for 
the trousseau were placed in Vienna, and I am 
sure that it will interest all women to know 
that many exquisite jewels were included 
among my countless wedding gifts. 



MY OWN STORY 99 

The Emperor of Austria gives each Arch- 
duchess who marries with his consent a present 
of 100,000 florins; and in addition to this he 
gave me a lovely pearl, sapphire, and diamond 
bandeau for the hair. My bridegroom gave 
me a splendid set of jewels which had belonged 
to his mother, the Infanta Maria- Anna of 
Portugal, comprising a riviere of diamonds, 
and some bracelets containing miniatures sur- 
rounded by diamonds of his great-grandparents, 
the King and Queen of Portugal, and a mag- 
nificent diamond and emerald ring. King Al- 
bert of Saxony gave me a diamond riviere, and 
I was presented also with a marvellous tiara 
of emeralds and diamonds which was an heir- 
loom in the Saxon Royal Family. Mamma, 
too, opened both her heart and her famous 
jewel-cases, and bestowed many lovely gifts 
upon me, so I had nothing to complain of on 
that score; in fact, I felt like a princess in the 
Thousand and One Nights. 

The weeks between June and November 
passed quickly, and at last the time came for 
me to say farewell to Salzburg. The day we 
left for Vienna was saddened by leavetakings, 
and I was deeply touched to see how much 
every one seemed to regret parting with me. 



lOO MY OWN STORY 

When we arrived at Vienna we went straight 
to the Hofburg, where we were to stay for the 
wedding, and on November 20th I was obliged 
to read my "Renunciation." This curious cere- 
mony has to be compHed with by every Austrian 
Archduchess before her marriage, and is a 
renunciation of her rights of succession under 
the Salic law to the throne of Austria. It 
also includes the renunciation of legacies left 
by the members of the Imperial House, a wise 
plan, designed to keep the family money 
together. 

The Act of Renunciation was performed with 
all the pomp and circumstance characteristic of 
the Austrian Court. At eleven on the morning 
of November 20th, my father escorted me to the 
throne room at the Hofburg where the cere- 
mony was to take place. I wore a lovely pink 
satin gown with a raised design on it of lilies 
of the valley and white violets, and a page 
carried my train, which was five yards long. 

The throne room was crowded. In all, quite 
four hundred persons were present, including 
my bridegroom, all the male members of the 
Habsburg family, the Ministers and high offi- 
cials, the generals, and the representatives of 
the great Austrian nobility. It was a striking 



MY OWN STORY loi 

ensemble, with the elaborate uniforms worn by 
the men and the lovely jewels and toilettes of 
the ladies, and I felt a thrill of pride that I 
was a Habsbiirg. 

The Emperor stood before the throne under 
a canopy; I walked to the last step of the 
throne, and from there read the Act of Re- 
nunciation. A State luncheon was given after 
the ceremony was over, and the remainder of 
the day passed in a whirl of excitement. 

On November 21st, I woke early and, woman- 
like, I at once wondered whether it was a fine 
day for my wedding. Alas! it was a morning 
of fog and driving rain, and I felt a little super- 
stitious dread, which, however, speedily van- 
ished in the all-absorbing occupation of being 
attired. 

My wedding-dress was a lovely and unique 
gown which had formerly been part of the 
trousseau of Princess Anna of Saxony. When 
my half-sister Marie- Antoinette died, she left 
us her jewels, laces, and to each of us one of 
her mother's immade Court dresses, and the 
one which fell to me was so beautiful that it 
had always been destined for my wedding- 
dress. 

The material was white moire antique with 



102 MY OWN STORY 

golden roses and their leaves embroidered on 
it in high relief; the corsage was perfectly plain, 
with the decoUetage de cour, worn by all royal 
brides, and the long and heavy train was 
embroidered with garlands of roses. The tone 
of time had given a lovely tint to the material, 
and the effect of the shimmering roses was per- 
fectly lovely when I moved. My hair was 
waved, and crowned with a wreath of myrtle; 
behind the wreath was placed a diadem of 
diamond wheat ears, mamma's present to me, 
and from under the diadem flowed my lace- 
edged tulle veil. 

No civil ceremony ever takes place when an 
Archduchess is wedded. The documents re- 
lating to the marriage, the dowry, and the 
Deed of Renunciation are sent to the country 
of her adoption, but the religious service is the 
only one recognised. 

As soon as my toilette was completed, the 
procession was formed, and I went in great 
state to the Imperial Chapel of the Hofburg. 
The rooms through which I passed were crowded 
with people and lined with soldiers. A little 
page dressed in red and gold carried my train, 
and I wonder whether Count Harrach re- 
members how tired he became. When we 



MY OWN STORY 103 

reached the grand staircase I happened to 
look round, and saw that he had a very flushed 
face and was on the point of bursting into 
tears, as train-bearing was too arduous a task 
for such a small boy. 

I felt so sorry for him that I stopped and, 
gently disengaging the train, put it over my 
arm instead — a rather imdignified action, but 
I really could not bear to see the child's dis- 
comfort. 

At last we entered the chapel. It is a small 
Gothic edifice, very dark at all times, and on 
my wedding-day it was darker than usual. 
There were assembled all the members of the 
Tuscan and the Saxon families, and the Em- 
peror sat on a throne on the left side. The 
Empress was not present. The Bishop said 
Mass, and just before I uttered the fateful "I 
will," I turned to the Emperor and made a 
deep curtsey, implying, "Of course, with your 
permission." I did the same to papa, and 
then said "/ wilV^ so loudly that every one 
was quite startled, Frederick- August included. 

Directly the service was over, the bridal 
cortege reformed, but, as we came last this time, 
we stood still and chatted to those around us. 
Frederick-August wore the uniform of the 



104 MY OWN STORY 

Austrian (King of Saxony's Own) Dragoons, 
which became him admirably, and when he 
looked at me so affectionately with his kind 
blue eyes, I felt that I was a very happy girl 
indeed. 

There was a great deal of delay before we 
managed to leave the chapel, and the long 
Court trains worn by the ladies impeded every- 
body's progress. Three of the Archdukes who 
were standing close to me became so impatient 
that, in order to find another way out of the 
chapel, they jumped over my train. My 
brother-in-law, the Archduke Otto, noticed this, 
and said to me in rather perturbed tones, "Do 
you know the Habsburg superstition, that any 
one who jimips over a bride's train dies in the 
same year?" 

"Well, it 's November now, so they will have 
to be quick about it," I said, trying to pass it 
off lightly, for I saw that Otto was really upset 
at the occiirrence, for many uncanny things 
happen to us Habsburgs. 

The old superstition unfortunately proved 
true. A fortnight after my marriage, the Arch- 
dukes Sigismond and Ernest died, and at the 
end of December they were joined by the third 
one, the Archduke Carl-Ludwig. 



MY OWN STORY 105 

After the wedding, the Emperor gave a 
luncheon. I sat next to him, and he was in 
excellent spirits, perhaps at getting another 
Archduchess off his hands, and as the family 
followed the example of the illustrious head, all 
stiffness and constraint rapidly disappeared, 
and we were a very merry party. I remember 
the Archduke Carl-Ludwig slyly telling me 
that he quite envied Frederick-August. 

After the luncheon, I went up to my rooms 
and changed my bridal gown for a grey costimie, 
a black jacket, and a grey feathered hat. The 
weather was still wet and dismal, and as we 
drove to the railway station, I felt a curious 
presentiment of coming disaster which I could 
not shake off. My common-sense put it down to 
overwrought nerves and the depressing weather, 
but my imaginative inner consciousness made me 
regard it as a warning. I felt utterly miserable 
when I said good-bye to papa. I clung to him 
crying, and he mingled his tears with mine. 
Something seemed to tell us both that my girlish 
days were indeed over, and that with them I 
had also said farewell to much of life's happiness. 

The Emperor had placed his private train at 
our disposal to travel to Prague, where he had 
lent us the Castle of Hradschin for our honey- 



io6 MY OWN STORY 

moon. The Imperial train was a veritable 
palace on wheels; there were bedrooms, bath- 
rooms, rooms for the suite and for the servants, 
a special coupe for the chef and his satellites, 
and the kitchen arrangements were quite ela- 
borate. I was dreadfully tired, and my head 
ached painfully as a result of crying, and 
directly the train was in motion I installed 
myself in an easy chair. Frederick-August 
tucked a rug carefully round me, and without 
any more ado I promptly went to sleep. When 
I awoke I wondered for the moment where I 
was, but I soon realised that instead of being 
Louisa of Tuscany I was Princess Louisa of 
Saxony on her wedding journey. 

Frederick-August came and sat by me. We 
had both been so much surrounded with eti- 
quette that it seemed a little difficult to grasp 
the fact that we were alone with no one to 
interfere with us, and that we were now married. 
He was still nervous and shy, but equally de- 
voted and charming, and I felt myself becoming 
more and more attracted to him. 

After a cheerful little supper in the train, 
we reached Prague at eleven o'clock — My 
wedding-day was over. 



CHAPTER VI 



Hradschin and its surroundings — The Ghetto at Prague — 
A discourse on the Chosen People — We go to Dresden 
— Popular excitement — Our State entry — Roses every- 
where — The Taschenherg Palace — Rococo furniture 
and had taste predominant — The dog that hit every one 
— Excitement and fatigue — We begin to settle down — 
/ resolve to make the hest of my life. 



107 



CHAPTER VI 



nPHE Castle of Hradschin is beautifully 
situated on the summit of a hill over- 
looking Prague and the Elbe, and we passed 
two days there quite pleasantly, notwithstand- 
ing the weather, which was very unfavourable for 
sightseeing. We visited the Ghetto at Prague, 
and also the Jewish cemetery, which remain just 
as they were in mediaeval days. I was greatly 
impressed by the cemetery, and the thought 
passed through my mind how strange it was 
that, although we derive a great deal of our re- 
ligion from Jewish beliefs, the Jews are, as a 
rule, so detested and despised, although in Eng- 
land some of them have become the intimate 
friends of Royalty, some intermarry with 
Christians, and adopt old-English siu'names. 

I have always had an instinctive dislike of the 
Jew, whether I know him as an Italian, a Ger- 
man, an Englishman, or a Scotchman. I do 
not think that any Hebrew has ever become 

Irish. Their pronounced Oriental mannerisms 

109 



no MY OWN STORY 

operate against them in social life, for just as 
"once a Russian always a Russian," so once a 
Jew always a Jew, particularly in eating and 
drinking. But with all their objectionable 
qualities, Jews often possess the genius that 
makes celebrated musicians, actors, authors, 
and lawyers. The Oriental blood, which ac- 
counts for their occasional social lapses, com- 
pensates for these in bestowing upon them a 
glowing imagination and artistic instincts, and 
it is a pity that art is not the ruling passion of 
the race instead of money. 

On November 24th we left Prague for Dresden. 
It was a memorable journey for me, and one 
which I shall never forget. From the Bohemian 
frontier to Dresden is three hours by rail, but 
all the way from the frontier until we reached 
Dresden, the people were massed on both sides 
of the line, trying to get a glimpse of me and my 
husband, and I could see innumerable handker- 
chiefs waving, and hear frantic "Hochs" as the 
train passed. 

We stopped at every tiny station en route, and 
I received quantities of bouquets, which were 
usually presented to me by little girls dressed 
in white, who recited poems welcoming me to 
Saxony. 



MY OWN STORY iii 

I felt absolutely overwhelmed with kindness, 
and I had never seen anything like this display 
of spontaneous affection. I caressed the dear 
children from sheer gladness of heart, and was 
only too delighted when the people pressed 
round and tried to touch me. It was really a 
triumphal joxirney, and I thought how foolish 
I had been to take any notice of my presenti- 
ment of coming trouble. "Surely," I reasoned, 
"no unhappiness can possibly be mine in a 
country whose people have taken me to their 
hearts. If they as strangers already love me, 
my husband's family will love me too, and I 
shall be the happiest woman in the world." I 
began to plan all I woiild do for good, and I made 
up my mind that I would always be a friend 
and comforter to those who asked for my help 
and sympathy, even if the suppliants were the 
meanest beggars in the streets. I would never 
be an "inaccessible" royal personage, hearing 
and speaking through other people, and never 
would I be influenced from doing what I knew 
by instinct was right. 

Comforted and reassured by these pleasant 
reveries, I arrived at Dresden in a glow of 
happiness. There we were given a tremendous 
reception. Every one seemed delirious with 



112 MY OWN STORY 

joy; the people were madly excited, and I 
was myself carried away with astonishment and 
delight at the enthusiastic welcome accorded 
to a girl of twenty-one by the generally un- 
emotional populace. 

The State carriage awaited us outside the 
station. It was a magnificent historical vehicle 
painted in vemis Martin, and drawn by eight 
horses, not unlike the State carriage used by 
the English monarchs at their coronations. We 
drove off, escorted by a guard of honour, and 
surprise followed surprise as we passed through 
the town. Although it was November, there 
were roses everywhere, and the place looked like 
one huge garden. The roofs were black with 
people, who showered roses on us as we passed, 
and the lamp-posts were covered with people 
clinging to them, while others were seated on the 
iron brackets which supported the lamps. The 
shop windows displayed no goods, but only 
people, who were seated and standing inside; 
the occupants of the windows threw flowers, 
and from all sides arose a volume of cheers 
and shouts of joy. 

The only thing that annoyed me on this happy 
day was the hateful toilette which had been 
"created" for my State entry into Dresden; for 



MY OWN STORY 113 

although I had been allowed a certain latitude 
of choice, mamma had absolutely overruled me 
when it came to the question of my gowns for 
great occasions. So I now wore what she and 
the couturiere had considered the correct thing 
for my homecoming — an odious pale blue cloth 
dress trimmed with dark blue velvet, together 
with a fawn-coloured braided cape profusely 
trimmed with jet. It sounds to-day as horrid 
and inartistic as it was then, and I secretly 
thought that I looked like a bead-decked bar- 
barian. ** Horrible," I said, as I felt the jet 
chains on my shoulders, and I noted the 
similarity of this tight, heavy gown to the 
weight and restrictions of the etiquette I so 
detested. *'If this were really etiquette instead 
of only a costume, how encumbered I should 
be," I cynically reflected. 

On our arrival at the Town Hall we were 
received by the Mayor and Municipality of 
Dresden, and there were many speeches. From 
the Town Hall we went to the Royal Castle, 
which presented an interesting and imposing 
sight. We were conducted with much ceremony 
to the State apartments, where the Ministers 
and the Corps Diplomatique were assembled, 
and afterwards presented to me, and although 



114 MY OWN STORY 

I was very tired, I succeeded, I hope, in saying 
something courteous and appropriate to every 
one. Royalties are obHged to be Spartans in 
the matter of endurance, but habit becomes 
at last second nature to us, and we generally 
manage to refrain from displaying in public any 
signs of bodily or mental fatigue. 

When the reception was at an end, we went 
over to our new home in the Taschenberg 
Palace, part of which had been given to us for 
our own use. The chamberlain of our house- 
hold, Herr von Reitzenstein, and his wife, who 
was my lady-of-the-bedchamber, accompanied 
us, as did also my lady-in-waiting, Fraiilein 
Elisa von Ende, a very pretty, charming, and 
clever girl. 

Painters and decorators are, like dressmakers, 
most unreliable people, so when I arrived inside 
the Taschenberg Palace, it was only to find 
that my apartments were not finished. As I 
entered my boudoir two workmen walked out 
of it, and not recognising who I was, one of 
them said quite crossly: "Take care where 
you 're going, the paint is n't dry on the doors 
yet!" 

Closer inspection proved that it was not, and 
the whole suite reeked of paint, varnish, and 



MY OWN STORY 115 

new furniture. The rooms were stacked with 
my books and pictures, which had been sent 
from Salzburg, and every room I entered looked 
most uncomfortable. 

I nearly wept with vexation when I saw 
how inartistically my drawing-room had been 
arranged. I, who love the antique, was con- 
fronted with sham rococo Louis XV. furniture 
in the worst possible taste, enamelled white, with 
pink flowers, and the general effect was that of 
an iced cake decorated with pink sugar! My 
boudoir was another monstrosity in sham oak, 
with maroon damask upholstery. All the win- 
dows were covered with heavy net blinds, and 
the damask curtains were adorned with top 
draperies and endless ropes and tassels of 
crimson silk cord. It was altogether detestable, 
and I inwardly raged at the bad taste of the 
person who had chosen such appalling things. 

My bedroom and dressing-room were not 
such eyesores, and I was greeted with frantic 
barks of joy from my little dachshund, who 
was chained to a heavy chair in the middle of 
my bedroom. I asked the reason of this, and 
it appeared that he had commenced his career 
at Dresden by biting every one who came within 
his reach. The dog was overjoyed at seeing 



ii6 MY OWN STORY 

me, and with a tremendous effort he upset the 
chair, and dragged it to where I was; poor 
fellow, he felt as I did, slightly overcome in 
the atmosphere of the Taschenberg Palace. 
Even then there was no rest for me, as I had 
to dress at once for the State banquet in the 
evening, and I felt more dead than alive when 
it was over. 

The next fortnight was one of constant fatigue ; 
deputations arrived daily from all parts of 
Saxony, and there were State dinners every 
night; I was worn out with fatigue, and never 
had a moment to myself. 

People stood for hours outside the palace 
waiting to see us come out, and they even ran 
after our carriage just to try to speak to us. I 
became quite bewildered, and I was also unaccus- 
tomed to the dialect which is peculiar to Saxony. 

At last we began to settle down after all 
the excitement, and I was able to put my 
house in order. I commenced by trying to 
discover which would be the best way for me 
to lead my life; I felt instinctively that my 
position was a difficult one, for certain little 
occurrences had already made me fully aware 
that I should not lead the ideally happy exist- 
ence which I had fondly imagined would be mine. 



CHAPTER VII 



A royal family — My father-in-law; his fanaticism — 
Princess Mathilde — Her love of ants — Her piety — 
Dress and appearance — Her curiosity — Prince John- 
George — Lives of the Popes — Prince Max of Saxony 
— Cleanliness and godliness — Mutual antagonism — 
" Cest malheureux que tu sois venue dans notre 
famille." 



"7 



CHAPTER VII 



A T the time of my marriage, King Albert and 
^^ his wife, Queen Carola, were the reigning 
sovereigns in Saxony, and my father-in-law, 
who was a widower, was his only brother. 
The King was very clever, very good, and most 
kind to me, and I am happy to think that his 
affection never changed. He used to call me 
"Kleine" (little one), and he said, "What I like 
about Louisa is her absolute frankness." I 
did not see a great deal of him but we were 
on terms of the warmest friendship. 

Queen Carola was an excellent and charitable 
woman, who occupied herself in good deeds. She 
accompanied her husband during the Franco- 
Prussian war, and nursed the wounded with rare 
patience and skill. She was remarkably hand- 
some, but somewhat shy and reserved. She was 
childless, and this was put down by the people to 
the Jesuits, who were supposed in some way or 
other to have prevented her from becoming a 

mother. Another curious idea was prevalent 

119 



^„ 



120 MY OWN STORY 

that Providence would not grant a son to the 
reigning sovereign, as ever since the days of 
August the Strong no direct heir has been 
born to a King of Saxony, and my eldest son 
who will eventually become King was born 
when his father was not yet Crown Prince. 

My father-in-law. Prince George of Saxony, 
was a strange man who possessed a truly re- 
markable personality. In appearance he was 
tall, and he stooped slightly; his head was 
large and square, and the most striking features 
of his face were his cold, small eyes, which 
looked out suspiciously from under his bushy 
eyebrows. When I first knew him he was 
rapidly becoming bald, and he always brushed 
his scanty grey hair most carefully over the 
imcovered place to try and hide it, but with no 
success. He was imposing in uniform, but in 
mufti he looked very badly dressed, and he 
wore ugly low shoes which showed too much of 
his white knitted stockings. Besides fulfilling 
the duties of a father-in-law, Prince George also 
took upon himself those of a very strict mother- 
in-law. His one idea in life was religious duty, 
and he carried this out so well that from the 
day I arrived in Dresden, I was literally sur- 
feited with piety. He was an intolerable bigot, 



Photo by Otto Mayer, Dresden. 

MY FATHER-IN-LAW: THE LATE KING GEORGE OF SAXONY 



MY OWN STORY 123 

narrow minded to a degree, and he cotdd be a 
fanatic on occasion. I think he must have 
suffered from some kind of religious mania, for u^ 
he would remain for hours prostrate before the 
altar, praying fervently to all his special saints. 
The moment, however, that he was outside 
the chapel, he dropped his sanctity, and he 
never practised tolerance or forgiveness, which 
to my mind are the first principles of true 
religion. 

Prince George ruled his children through fear, 
and it was not long before we came into conflict 
over a question of religion. Queen Carola had 
asked me to act as her deputy, and open a 
bazaar in Dresden which was held to raise 
funds for supplying a Protestant church with 
a much-needed new altar. I of course assented, 
and performed what was to me a very pleasing 
task. The same evening we had a family 
dinner-party, and I could see that my father- 
in-law was furious about something. It was 
not long before I was enlightened, for he sud- 
denly turned to me and told me that I was all 
that was reprehensible and an apostate to my 
religion because I had opened a Protestant 
bazaar. He raged and stormed like one pos- 
sessed, but I calmly told him that, although, in 



124 MY OWN STORY 

this case, I had acted on behalf of the Queen, I 
should never hesitate to say yes, if I were again 
asked to perform a similar duty on my own 
account. My remarks added fuel to the fire, 
and my father-in-law worked himself up into 
such a furious passion that he seized me by 
the arm and shook me before every one, serv- 
ants included. That was more than I could 
endure; I left the table on the plea of indispo- 
sition, and it took all my husband's powers of 
persuasion to prevent me from going off to 
Salzburg the same night. 

Like most tyrants, Prince George was himself 
the victim of tyranny, being entirely in the 
hands of the priests, who made him dance to 
whatever tune they pleased He employed them 
to spy upon me, and even sent a priest from 
Dresden to say Mass when we were in the 
cotmtry, in order to report my doings to him, 
and in particular to find out what kind of litera- 
ture I read. Once, I remember, at confession 
I was asked a very intimate question, and 
when I protested against what I considered 
prurient ciu-iosity, I was informed that this par- 
ticular question had been put to me at my 
father-in-law's instigation. 

Poor bigoted, intolerant man! He lived 



MY OWN STORY 125 

out of his time, which ought to have been in 
the palmy days of the Inquisition, and I think 
that his greatest pleasure in life would have 
consisted in having a daily auto-da-fe until he 
had burned all the Protestants in Saxony. 

My sister-in-law, Princess Mathilde, is a 
"great" amateur artist, and she also poses as 
a patron of the belles-lettres. She goes in for 
figure subjects and covers huge canvases. If 
Mathilde were ever to paint tiny genre pic- 
tures, there would be weeping and lamentation 
among the firms who supply her with materials, 
for her work demands a great deal of paint, and 
she is a most profitable customer. 

Princess Mathilde is built on very generous 
lines, and perhaps that is the reason why she 
does everything on a large scale. I have heard 
that as a girl of sixteen she was pretty enough to 
be mentioned as a possible wife for the Crown 
Prince Rudolph of Austria, but when he visited 
Dresden in order to inspect her, he realised 
that her heaute de jeunesse would presently out- 
rival the most exuberant Rubens type, and at 
once decided to look out for a more elegant bride. 
My sister-in-law is a very extraordinary woman. 
We were never in sympathy, and she made no 
pretence of even tolerating me; she does not 



126 MY OWN STORY 

possess a particle of femininity, but likes to be 
thought an esprit fort far above every one else 
in intellectual attainments. She does not care 
for dress, although she fondly imagines her 
toilettes are "le dernier cri du chic," and I 
remember that for years her favourite theatre- 
gown was a framboise-coloured silk brocaded 
with tiny green flowers; her hair was dressed 
in a style entirely her own, always at variance 
with her tiara, and her complexion exactly 
matched the framboise gown. She timed her- 
self for dressing: twelve and three quarter 
minutes were allowed for a Court ball, five and 
three quarter minutes for dinner, and her maids 
were not allowed to spend one moment more 
over her toilette. 

When I lived in Dresden, Mathilde chose 
her gowns in a most odd way. Patterns were 
submitted to her, which she held up to the 
light in turn, and the most transparent were 
invariably selected. Her hats usually covered 
both her head and her ears, and her riding- 
habit became a Joseph's coat of many colours 
through exposure to the elements. Mathilde 
loved riding, but her mounts had to be chosen 
with care in order that the horse might not 
collapse under her weight. She is a most pious 



MY OWN STORY 129 

princess and always takes part in the various 
church festivals. I well remember her at the 
Corpus Domini processions when she walked 
up the aisle wearing the decollete gown de- 
manded by etiquette, with a page holding 
her train; her gown was very short in front 
to make walking easy, and her huge hands, 
encased in large gloves, clasped an enormous 
wax candle which dropped grease everywhere. 

One of her hobbies is bee-keeping, and she 
once received some very distinguished visitors, 
wearing a short skirt, a muffler over her head, 
and thick woollen gloves. She had been deep 
in the cult of bees when our friends arrived, 
and at once treated them to a lengthy discourse 
on bees and ants. Mathilde said that life held 
no greater pleasure for her than when she was 
examining an ant through a magnifying-glass, 
and every one tittered at the picture thus 
conjured up of the huge princess and the tiny 
ant. 

Mathilde danced a great deal when I first 
came to Dresden, but as she was not sure- 
footed, she often slipped on the parquet floor, 
and even occasionally fell down with a thud 
that could be felt all over the room. She also 
skated, but she slipped and slid so ungrace- 



130 MY OWN STORY 

fully that the King put a stop to her per- 
formances in public, and had part of the 
private gardens flooded for her especial use in 
winter; there she went in for Alpine sports, 
and the sight of Mathilde on "skis" was 
unforgetable. 

She professes to regard men with complete 
indifference, and used to remark, "It is nothing 
to me whether a man is old or young, ugly or 
handsome." 

Two years ago, she visited Varallo, near 
Novara, where I was staying. We did not 
meet as I was away in Florence for a few 
days, but I was told that the first glimpse 
people had of her was a large woman sitting 
on a very small donkey, accompanied by a lady- 
and gentleman-in-waiting. Everybody at first 
thought she was an American, and directly 
she arrived at the hotel she instructed her 
gentleman-in-waiting to go to the manager, 
and endeavour to find out all about me, for 
she had previously been told that I was staying 
there. The manager explained to her emissary 
that I was away, and this seemed to make him 
furious. He went upstairs and examined some 
of my trunks which were placed in the corridor, 
and even tried to bribe the chambermaid to let 



MY OWN STORY 131 

him inside my rooms. I cannot give any 
reason for this disgraceful behaviour except 
that Mathilde ordered him to do so; if she did 
so, it was quite worthy of her. 

The next morning the slvimbering guests were 
aroused at an unearthly hour by the shouts of 
Mathilde demanding her bath water. A whole 
regiment of hot- and cold-water jugs were 
brought, also the largest hip-bath of which the 
hotel boasted; but after Mathilde the deluge, 
and it took nearly half a day to dry the 
floor. 

At 7 A.M., Mathilde left to make a pilgrimage 
to the shrine of Our Lady of Varallo, and when 
she returned to the hotel she had a heated 
discussion about some change which had not 
been given to her. 

"I won't go from here without my forty 
centimes," she cried angrily; but she gradually 
calmed down and went on her way, leaving 
three francs to be divided among the servants. 

Prince John-George, my husband's second 
brother, is a very studious person. He reads 
from morning till night, and his literature 
consists chiefly of the lives of dead-and-gone 
Popes. He always asks whether one is ac- 
quainted with the life of such and such a Pope, 



132 MY OWN STORY 

and he is quite disappointed when any one 
displays ignorance of the subject. 

He is built on the same lines as Mathilde, 
and is somewhat heavy on his feet, as his part- 
ners find out to their cost whenever they are 
honoured by a command to dance with him. 
John-George, as becomes a papal student, is 
deeply religious, and he is also imbued with a 
tremendous idea of his own importance. He is 
selfish and unsympathetic, but I found him 
easier to get on with than Mathilde. 

His first wife was Isabella of Wiirttemberg, 
and his second Maria Immaculee, a daugh- 
ter of my second cousin the Comte de Ca- 
serta. Her sister married my brother, the 
Archduke Peter, and they are both sweet, 
delightful women, peacemakers in every sense 
of the word. 

Prince Max of Saxony, my brother-in-law, 

^- possesses much of his father's fanaticism, but he 

is, notwithstanding, a really good and pious 

man, who devotes all his time and money to 

religion. 

I remember he was once taken ill at Freiburg, 
and was obliged to return to Dresden from sheer 
starvation, because he had given all his worldly 
substance to the poor. Mathilde was deputed 



MY OWN STORY 133 

to meet him, and as his father imagined that he 
might be somewhat unpresentable, he was asked 
to leave the train a few stations away from 
Dresden. Max was in a terrible plight when he 
appeared in the family circle. His hair and nails 
had grown beyond any possible conception; his 
soutane shone with grease and hard wear; his 
toes protruded through his shoes. In fact, he 
looked most unlike a prince or a priest. I was 
quite horrified, and I asked him whether he had 
brought any luggage. 

"No," he replied; "I've only a toothbrush, 
and after I brush my teeth with it I use it for 
my hair!" 

Such was the royal family into which I had 
married. We were mutually antagonistic from 
the beginning. I was like the cuckoo in the 
sparrow's nest, or the one artistic or original 
member of a worthy middle-class family in the 
midst of his relations. I forgot that "originality 
and imagination are the unforgivable sins," and 
looking at it from this point of view, I can see 
that I must have proved a most disturbing 
element, for I had not fulfilled their expectations 
of being a princess who was merely content to 
be a princess and not a woman. Every proof 
of my independent spirit was regarded with 



134 MY OWN STORY 

mistrust and anger, and I think they one and 
all, Frederick-August excepted, agreed with 
my father-in-law when he said in those early 
days: 

"C'est malheureux que tu sois venue dans 
notre famille, parceque tu ne seras jamais una 
des notres." 



CHAPTER VIII 



My first visit to Berlin — The Emperor William — What I 
think of him — The green chiffon dress — Customs and 
ceremonies — The ghostly carriage at the Royal Castle 
— The treasure-house — Some stories about August the 
Strong — His ugly daughter-in-law — A definnt Elect- 
ress — Carried away in earnest — The fate of a practi- 
cal joker — The frightened blacksmith — The strong 
man indeed. 



I3S 



CHAPTER VIII 



T FOUND Dresden rather unpleasant during my 
* first winter, for I rarely saw the sun, and I was 
not sorry when in the month of January we went 
to Berlin on a visit to the Emperor William. It 
is etiquette to be presented to the Emperor, 
wearing a silk dress, so I travelled to Berlin in 
another of mamma's "State gowns," with a 
hateful toque to correspond. Before I left 
Dresden I was pestered with exhortations as 
to my behaviotir when I met the Emperor, and 
I was especially asked on no account to alight 
too quickly from the train. If the Emperor 
approved of me he would kiss me, but I must 
not attempt to return the kiss. 

I thought all this fuss ridiculous. I did 
not feel that veneration for Emperors which 
seemed to possess my husband's family, for in 
mine we had always had an Emperor as our 
relation. I was, however, curious to see the 
Emperor William, because I knew he was a man 

137 



138 MY OWN STORY 

of strong likes and dislikes, and strength of 
character always appeals to me. 

When we arrived at Berlin, I saw that the 
platform was a mass of colour with all the 
uniforms, and I wondered which wearer would 
prove to be the Emperor, for it looked an 
"embarras de choix." Two footmen rushed up 
to our carriage carrying some carpet-covered 
steps, and at last, as I looked about, I recognised 
the Kaiser. Etiquette went to the winds. I 
disregarded the steps and jumped down to the 
platform, and directly the Emperor saw me, he 
embraced me and kissed me on both cheeks, and 
afterwards kissed my hand. I was so pleased 
that I forgot all I had been told not to do, 
and promptly returned the kiss. The Generals 
were presented to me, and we then drove 
to the palace, where I made the acquaintance 
of the Empress and her children, and the 
Kaiser said he would escort me to my rooms. 
We walked so quickly that Frederick-August 
was almost left behind, and when we reached 
the suite apportioned to me, the Emperor re- 
marked as he showed me the communicating 
bathroom: *'I know you will appreciate a good 
bathroom." 

"Oh, yes, ' ' I assented. ' ' A bath means a great 



MY OWN STORY 139 

deal to me," and then I added impulsively: 
"You have made a great impression on me, 
and I think both you — and the bathroom — are 
perfectly charming." 

The Emperor smiled kindly and seemed rather 
amused at my naive remark. I sat next him that 
evening at the State banquet, and had a very 
good time, although the music deafened and tired 
me. I talked freely to my host, and found that 
he did not object to my frankness. 

"Now, Louisa," he said quietly, "you 
and I will be good friends, and later on I 
want you to become my political friend as 
well." 

I found the Emperor William a most remark- 
able man. He can be very genial, but he 
possesses an iron and inflexible will. He is vain, 
and always wishes to be the first actor in what- 
ever drama he plays, and although he is an 
undoubted authority on military matters, he 
understands little or nothing about art or music, 
and his wonderful gifts are marred by his intense 
egotism. He can be equally charming or the 
reverse, and the reverse is not at all pleasant. 
His personal appearance is unique; he is well 
groomed, his expression is sympathetic and in- 
telligent, and his marvellous eyes are truly the 



I40 MY OWN STORY 

windows of the soul of this restless, brilliant, 
and strange man. 

Before leaving next day, I took tea with the 
Empress, and again saw all the children. The 
Kaiserin gave me the predominant idea of being 
an excellent mother ; she was very good-looking, 
but rather too tightly laced to be graceful, and I 
thought her a trifle dull. She talked solely on 
two topics: one was the comfort she found in 
religion, and the other concerned the care of 
babies, and she told me that she insisted upon 
nursing all her children herself. 

The first State ball given after my marriage 
was a brilliant affair, and my dress created quite a 
sensation. Mamma's forethought had provided 
me with a gorgeous gown, literally plastered with 
jewelled embroidery, not at all suitable for a girl 
of my age. I regarded it with ever-increasing 
dislike ; and although I tried to take off some of 
the trimming, the scissors made little impression 
on the bullion fringe, and I said to myself as I 
ruefully regarded my sore fingers: "This gown 
was certainly made for a princess, it 's as hard 
and glittering as a palace;" then, "I won't wear 
it, I '11 look natural." I sent for my maid and 
told her my decision, but we were faced with the 
question of what to substitute for the rejected 



MY OWN STORY 141 

dress. I considered what material would best 
lend itself to my dream of sweet simplicity, and 
decided that chiffon was the only one for this 
occasion. My maid told me that she knew a 
little dressmaker who wotild run up the gown 
quickly. I accordingly sent for her, and we 
evolved a most artistic garment of sea-green 
chiffon, which was simplicity itself. The decol- 
letage was round and the sleeves practically 
invisible! I wore pink carnations in my hair, 
a few diamonds glittered like dewdrops in the 
soft chiffon bodice, a twist of silk encircled my 
waist, and the delicate fabric flowed round me 
in soft billowy folds. I was so young and 
girlish looking that the dress suited me as 
nothing else could have done, and I felt the 
incarnation of youth and happiness. 

Before the ball, I came into the salon where my 
father-in-law was sitting, and he was exceedingly 
displeased with me. He reproached me very 
bitterly on my gown, which he said was quite 
unsuitable for a princess, but I comforted miyself 
with the thought that as he had not a particle 
of taste himself, anything artistic or unusual was 
quite wasted on him, and therefore his opinion 
did not count for much. 

My gown really did make a sensation, and 



142 MY OWN STORY 

the day after the ball, all the green chiffon in 
Dresden was sold out; my dress was copied 
fifty times over, and my maid was bribed on 
all sides to disclose the name of the dress- 
maker. 

There are many curious ceremonies at the 
Court of Saxony which I do not think exist 
elsewhere. On January ist, the "Hof spiel" 
takes place, after the presentations and recep- 
tions are over, when the Royal Family sit at 
small tables and play whist. The entire Court 
then comes through the room from door to 
door, and everybody curtseys deeply as they 
pass the card- tables. Naturally the curtseys 
are acknowledged, and we used to look like a 
lot of nodding mandarins as we sat playing 
cards and inclining our heads at the same time. 

When a royal wedding takes place, an old 
tradition ordains a State dinner, at which only 
members of the family are present. The Royal 
Family sit in a row at a crescent-shaped table, 
and are waited on by the great officials and 
pages. The Court watches the meal from 
behind, and when the King drinks the health 
of the happy couple, four trumpeters dressed in 
mediaeval costume blow a fanfare on silver 
trumpets. 



MY OWN STORY 143 

I was present at this dinner when John- 
George was first married, and I remember a 
ludicrous contretemps occurred. One of the 
chefs was bringing in an enormous piece of 
beef, when he tripped and fell head first into 
one of the large silver-gilt flower tubs ; the pieces 
of beef (which was already sliced to prevent loss 
of time in carving) were scattered in all direc- 
tions, and the denuded bone rolled away over 
the carpet. This occurrence so disturbed the 
composure of the page who was standing behind 
me that he upset the gravy tureen he was 
holding all over my shoulders, and as I was 
greasy from neck to waist, I think I have 
undoubtedly cause to remember John-George's 
wedding banquet. 

The Court pages were always in evidence, 
and when we attended the concerts, they 
always stood behind our chairs, and those 
unfortunate boys who were not very strong 
sometimes used to faint from over-fatigue. 

Another custom is known as the "Vogel- 
schiessen" and its origin goes back to mediaeval 
days. Every year a fair is held near Dresden, 
and the Royal Family invariably attend it. 
The fair is like most others, a collection of 
freak shows and booths of all kinds with the 



144 ^y OWN STORY 

pervading odours of humanity, sausages, cheese, 
and beer. The great event of the day is 
shooting at the "Vogel-schiessen," which is a 
large wooden bird made up of a number of 
pieces, which fall out if they are hit in the right 
place, and the display of marksmanship is 
watched with breathless interest. The Royal 
Family all shoot, and an attendant informs 
the waiting crowd which Prince or Princess is 
about to try his or her skill. Thanks to my 
father's tuition, I am quite a fair shot, and I 
usually managed to hit the Vogel-schiessen in a 
"vital" part. 

At Christmas, long, heavy currant loaves, 
very rich and indigestible, are baked, and families 
visit one another to eat the loaves, which are 
to be found in every home. I remember on 
one occasion when John-George and Mathilde 
paid me a Christmas visit, they devoured about 
fourteen slices of currant loaf apiece, and then 
had quite a dispute as to who had eaten the 
most! 

Like many royal residences, the Royal Castle 
is supposed to be the scene of occasional super- 
natural happenings, and I can certainly vouch 
for the truth of something very uncanny which 
came within my personal experience. 



MY OWN STORY 145 

After the fire (February 24, 1894) which 
nearly ' destroyed the whole interior of our 
apartments in the palace, we removed to 
another suite of rooms which had been unin- 
habited for thirty years. One evening during 
dinner, when we were all laughing and talking, 
our attention was arrested by the tramping of 
horses' hoofs, and the nmibling of a heavy 
carriage in the courtyard, seemingly as if it 
were just turning out of the great entrance. 
We naturally wondered who was leaving the 
palace, and I sent a footman to inquire, but 
he returned and told me that no carriage had 
driven out at the time we heard the noise. I 
was very much puzzled, and shortly afterwards 
when the same thing occurred I investigated 
it myself, but to no purpose. I mentioned the 
matter to my father-in-law, who told me that 
his old aunts, who formerly resided in this part 
of the palace, had occasionally heard the 
mysterious horses and carriage, and it was 
supposed to presage trouble and disaster to 
the Royal Family. 

A special lunch is given by the King to the 
Royal Family on Easter Day, when the conse- 
crated egg is eaten with much formality. The 
King takes a hard-boiled egg, and cuts it into 



146 MY OWN STORY 

as many pieces as there are members of the 
family present, and they then eat their respect- 
ive sHces. After the ' ' egg ' ' course, chicken broth 
and cold meats follow, and the menu is always 
the same year after year. 

In the Royal Castle there is a famous treasure- 
house, called the Griinegevolbe, where, in 
vaulted rooms below the level of the street, are 
kept the wonderful art treasures and jewels 
belonging to the Kings of Saxony. There 
are beautiful examples of Benvenuto Cellini's 
work, rare ivories inlaid with precious stones, 
and exquisite Limoges enamels. The parures 
of August the Strong, Saxony's famous Elector, 
together with his buckles, buttons, and sword- 
hilts, make up a glittering mass of diamonds, 
emeralds, rubies, and sapphires, and the crown 
jewels baffle all description. 

The Griinegevolbe did not monopolise all the 
treasures, for one rainy day we explored the 
lumber rooms at the top of the palace and found 
quantities of beautiful furniture, rolls of Cordova 
leather, and rare tapestries, all so thickly covered 
with the dust of ages that it was at first quite 
impossible to estimate their beauty or value. 
After our discovery, I am glad to say, these 
treasures were all reinstated, and distributed 



MY OWN STORY 147 

with great artistic effect in the State apart- 
ments. 

I always wish that I had lived in the days 
of August the Strong, as I feel sure I should 
have preferred him as a father-in-law, for he, too, 
had an Austrian Archduchess as a daughter-in- 
law. His son and heir became a convert to 
Catholicism, and was received in the church of 
Milan, then an Austrian province. The Governor 
of Milan, who was an Austrian Archduke, had 
a very fascinating daughter, Maria- Josepha, 
whom Prince Frederick- August fell in love with, 
and promptly married . The young Archduchess , 
who was the aunt of the Empress Maria-Theresa, 
was excessively plain, and almost dwarfish, but 
she was very clever and, as I have previously 
stated, very fascinating. 

The newly married couple made a State entry 
into Dresden, and the bride was attended by two 
excessively pretty ladies-in-waiting, who alighted 
first, when the carriage stopped. August the 
Strong, who was standing in readiness to receive 
his new daughter-in-law, concluded that the 
lovely girl who stepped out first was the Arch- 
duchess, and at once took her in his arms and 
embraced her with paternal fervour. He was 
perfectly dismayed when he found out his mis- 



148 MY OWN STORY 

take and turning to his son, he said, with cold 
contempt: ''Monsieur, j'aurais cru que vous 
auriez eu meilleur gout." 

The Elector was a gallant man, so, to console 
the lady-in-waiting for not having the pleasure 
of being his daughter-in-law, he shortly afte^*- 
wards made her his mistress. 

There is a story about the Archduchess 
Maria- Josepha, after she became Electress of 
Saxony. During the war with Prussia, Fred- 
erick the Great entered Dresden, and insisted 
upon opening the muniment room at the 
Castle. The Electress refused to allow this; 
she barricaded the door with her own person, 
and stubbornly defied both the King and his 
famous Grenadiers. 

"Majestat," said she, "you can enter this 
room only when you carry me away." 

Frederick was not exactly a chivalrous person, 
and he forthwith ordered his soldiers to remove 
the Electress. The Grenadiers at once picked 
her up, but the tiny dwarfish creature kicked and 
scratched with so much telling effect that the 
process of carrying her away from the muniment 
room was no easy task. 

August the Strong used sometimes to visit the 
Emperor at Vienna, and on one occasion he was 



MY OWN STORY 149 

given a bedroom which he was told had the 
reputation of being haunted. After a heavy 
dinner, the Elector retired to bed, and he was 
just dozing off when he heard the clanking of 
chains and saw a tall white figure moving about 
the room. As he was very strong-minded and 
also very tired he turned over, paid no atten- 
tion to the ghost, and was soon fast asleep. The 
next morning the Emperor asked him what sort 
of a night he had passed, and August replied that 
he had slept excellently. That night the same 
thing happened, and again the Emperor made 
the same inquiries. 

" Why on earth do you trouble yourself so about 
my rest?" inquired the Elector, and he inwardly 
thought that there must be some reason for it. 

When the ghost next made its appearance, 
August did not turn over and go to sleep, but 
jimiping out of bed he seized the expostulating 
spectre and flung it out of the window. Next 
morning the Emperor was informed that his 
guest had slept better than ever. 

"I saw the ghost," remarked August, and he 
added laconically, "I '11 show him to you." He 
opened the window, and showed his horrified 
host a huddled heap lying in the courtyard 
below, and a pair of broken legs served to re- 



I50 MY OWN STORY 

mind the practical joker that itwas very unwise to 
play the ghost for the benefit of August the Strong. 

When the Elector returned from Vienna, he 
stopped at a wayside forge to have one of the 
horses shod. The blacksmith did not do his 
work well, so August, who was a man of tre- 
mendous physical strength, took the horseshoe 
in his hands, and without any effort broke it in 
two. The smith was so frightened that he 
thought the traveller was his Satanic majesty 
himself, and he bolted, leaving the forge to its 
fate, and only returned when he imagined his 
strange visitor was far on his way. 

August the Strong gave interesting dinners 
to his friends in the famous banqueting hall 
at the Castle of Moritzburg. During the meal 
he was wont to summon two of his State trum- 
peters who stationed themselves on the terrace. 
The Elector would then pick up a trumpeter in 
each hand and hold them out at arms' length 
for five minutes while they played the fanfare, 
and when they had finished he dropped them 
on the grass plot beneath the terrace. Having 
thus given his guests a demonstration of his 
strength, the meal continued, and the trumpeters 
washed away the memory of their bruises in 
bumpers of good red wine. 



CHAPTER IX 



Motherhood — Birth of the Crown Prince — A quarrel 
with my father-in-law — Popular enthusiasm — " Our 
Louisa " — Domesticity — Country life — Mathilde and 
the strawberries — An " enfant terrible*' — The creche — 
The Socialist's baby. 



151 



CHAPTER IX 



n^HE happiest day of my life was when I 
knew I had hopes of becoming a mother. 
I felt carried away with joy and thankfulness 
as I realised that I, who adored children, would 
before many months have a little baby of my 
own to love and care for. I planned the layette 
myself, making up my mind that my child 
should wear simple, practical garments, not 
"flimsies" of lace and ribbon, and my ideas 
were admirably carried out by the firm to 
whom I gave the order. The cradle, I decided, 
must be a copy of our own gilt bronzed one at 
Salzburg, and mamma gave me the sweetest 
basket, in which my last little sister had lain. 
As the time for my accouchement drew near, 
I often speculated in my romantic way about 
the future destiny of my child. I had experi- 
enced so much coldness from my husband's 
family that I was longing for something to 
love, something that woiild be my own. "I 
sha n't be a princess to my baby," I mused; "I 

153 



154 MY OWN STORY 

shall just be its mother, whom it can love to 
its heart's content, and there won't be a single 
question of etiquette to trouble ourselves about 
when we are together." 

My husband shared my joy, and he was 
kindness itself to me. He was so good and 
affectionate that I had nothing to complain of. 
And oh, how I wish that in those early days 
when I felt sore and rebuffed I had told him 
how miserable I was! Perhaps he would have 
understood me, but pride made me keep my 
troubles to myself. 

My eldest son, the Crown Prince of Saxony, 
was born on January 15, 1893, after forty-eight 
hours of dreadful anxiety and suffering. The 
Royal Family waited in the next room, and 
Queen Carola repeatedly came in to see me. She 
had never had a child, and I remember how she 
kept on saying, "Poor dear! poor dear!" and 
when she was not looking critically at me through 
her lorgnette she was losing her handkerchief 
and fidgeting about trying to find it. The 
doctors gave me chloroform at the end, and the 
first thing I remember after I opened my eyes 
was hearing a tiny, feeble cry in the next room. 
Something I had never felt before thrilled me as 
I realised that this cry proceeded from my own 




Photo by Otto Mayer, Dresden. 

MY HUSBAND AND MYSELF WITH OUR ELDEST CHILD (lURY) 



155 



MY OWN STORY 157 

child ; then my husband came into the bedroom 
carrying a little, flannel -wrapped bundle, and 
bending over me he put my first-born son into 
my arms. 

I half -smothered the baby with kisses, and 
when I felt how entirely this helpless little 
creature depended on me, my whole heart and 
soul went out to it. Of course, I wished to nurse 
my child. I was young and healthy, so it 
seemed to me only right; but my father-in-law, 
with his usual assimiption of authority, forbade 
it, saying: "Princesses don't do that sort of 
thing." 

When he found that I meant to have my own 
way, he did not oppose me for the time being, 
and so for a few days my baby and I were left in 
peace. On the fourth day, however, the doctors 
told me that I must not continue to nurse my 
child, who was given over to a wet nurse selected 
by them, and, needless to say, approved of by 
my father-in-law. Oh, how I cried my heart 
out ! I tossed from side to side, and every hour 
that passed without my baby made me long for 
him more than ever. The doctors were afraid 
lest I should fret myself into a fever, but they 
were obdurate, and I was inconsolable. I had 
so dreamed of being a mother in every sense of 



158 MY OWN STORY 

the word that this was a bitter disappointment, 
and I angrily told my father-in-law that he 
ought not to deny me the right of performing 
my maternal duties. 

The Saxon people were overjoyed when the sa- 
lute of one hundred and one guns announced the 
birth of a prince, and there was wild enthusiasm 
in Dresden. The dear people showered presents 
on me and the all-important baby, and I was 
much touched by the gifts of dresses, socks, 
shoes, flowers, and letters full of affectionate 
regard which I received from all classes. 

My little son was christened in the chapel of 
the Taschenberg Palace, which is a most curious 
edifice, containing the relics of ten thousand 
saints. 

A royal christening takes place twenty-four 
hours after the child's birth, and my children all 
wore the beautiful lace robe and cap and were 
carried on the lace-covered cushion which had 
been originally made in Saxony for my half- 
sister, Marie-Antoinette. A curious ceremony 
occurs six weeks after a princess of Saxony has 
had her first child. She sits, wearing a beautiful 
toilette, in one of the State apartments, and the 
baby, screaming or sleeping as the case may be, 
lies in its cradle beside her. An endless pro- 



MY OWN STORY i6i 

cession of invites then defiles before her and the 
child, and she is obliged to make a deep obeisance 
as each person passes. Eight hundred people 
came to my reception, and I was physically 
weary of the proceedings long before they were 
over. 

I used to pass all the time I could spare with 
my baby, and I envied with a most jealous envy 
the nurse who had usurped my rightful place. 
On December 31st of the same year, my second 
boy, my beloved " Tia," was born. Again there 
was tremendous joy, and again I came into con- 
flict with my father-in-law on the subject of 
nursing. As before, he had his way, and it is 
small wonder that I hated him. 

My third son, Ernest, was born on December 
9, 1896, and on August 22, 1898, I had a little 
girl who died at her birth, and I was perilously 
near losing my own life. On January 24, 1900, 
Margaret was born, and on September 27, 1901, 
I gave birth to another daughter, Maria-Alix. 

I found all the happiness I wanted with my 
dear babies, and I was so proud and pleased 
when they were admired out of doors. I have 
nothing but love and gratitude for the Saxon 
people; they welcomed me on the first day I 
arrived in Dresden, and I think I have kept my 



i62 MY OWN STORY 

place in their hearts ever since. They, as human 
beings, felt with me in my joys and sorrows; the 
barriers of palace walls never existed between us, 
and the title which I value more than any other 
is that of "Our Louisa," which they bestowed 
on me. 

One day when I was in a shop a large crowd 
gathered outside and waited for me. Directly I 
saw the people I allowed them to come close and 
clasp the hands of the present Crown Prince, 
who was then a fat, rosy, fair-haired boy of a 
year old. It somehow was always natural for 
me to be natural in everything I did, and the 
people understood this perfectly and never 
misconstrued me or my actions. 

When my father-in-law saw these demonstra- 
tions of affection, he said, satirically: "What a 
bid you make for popularity, Louisa," a remark 
which both wounded and offended me, as I had 
never thought of doing such a thing. 

I always interested myself in my servants, 
who gave me their whole-hearted service ; every 
morning I arranged the menu for the day with 
the chef; I often went into the kitchens to see 
for myself how certain "plats" were prepared, 
and as I was always over-anxious that everything 
should be faultless when we gave a State dinner, 




MY SECOND son: PRINCE FREDERICK-CHRISTIAN OF SAXONY (TIA) 



163 



MY OWN STORY 165 

I sometimes even used to go down in my dinner- 
gown directly my toilette was completed, to 
assure myself that all was going on well! I 
inherited this love of housekeeping from my 
father, whose excellent training had not been 
wasted, and I could cook quite a good dinner 
unaided. Once a year, during our residence in 
the country, I regularly prepared and cooked 
the dinner, and I remember that Frederick- 
August was especially pleased when the menu 
consisted of potato soup, boiled beef, roast 
chicken, and various kinds of sweets. 

I loved those days in the country. I was more 
untrammelled there, and my husband and I led 
the happiest and simplest of lives together. I 
cut the asparagus and picked the strawberries, 
and this fruit brings to my mind an anecdote of 
Mathilde. 

One evening she and my father-in-law were 
dining with us in the country, and that year the 
strawberries were exceptionally fine and plenti- 
ful. When they were handed round, Mathilde 
heaped her plate up so high that the berries 
fell over the side, to the ever-growing interest of 
two little pairs of eyes, which were watching 
her intently; and the children were greatly 
struck when Mathilde crowned the Monte 



,/ 



i66 MY OWN STORY 

Rosa of strawberries with a Mont Blanc of 
sugar. 

I had always impressed on the children that 
greediness was a most horrible failing, and the 
sight of Mathilde's plate so shocked darling 
"Tia," that he forgot his usual good manners, 
and exclaimed in distressed tones: "Look 
Mamma, Aunt Mathilde has taken all the 
strawberries, see what a mess she is making!" 

I tried to silence this observant enfant terrible, 
but suddenly my father-in-law, who was rather 
deaf, said, "Eh? What? What's Tia saying? " 

Of course, I dared not repeat what he had 
actually said, and it was all I could do to prevent 
Mathilde from boxing her nephew's ears. 

The children were constantly with me in the 
country ; I washed and dressed them, played with 
them, taught them their simple little prayers, and 
if they were ill I never left them day or night. 
They were my pride and my dearest possessions, 
and they repaid all my devotion by growing 
up beautiful, healthy children, who were both 
natural and obedient. I always allowed their 
individualities to develop freely because I was 
determined that they should have a chance of 
becoming broad-minded, and, in future days, 
captains of their souls. 




Photo by James Aurig. 

MY YOUNGEST SON : PRINCE ERNEST-HENRY OF SAXONY (ERNI) 



167 



MY OWN STORY 169 

I never see a fruit-laden cherry-tree without 
thinking of those bygone summers when the 
children and I used to go into the orchard to 
pick the cherries. I climbed a ladder and threw 
down the scarlet fruit to the dear little expectant 
hands. Oh, happy days spent with my loved 
ones, vanished now for ever! The summer 
always has regrets for me; the smell of the hay, 
the scent of roses, the long, drowsy days and the 
warm, still nights, all stab me with the mem- 
ories which I shall carry with me to the grave. 

Our country life was spent almost entirely 
out of doors; we played tennis, rode and drove, 
and picnicked in the hayfields; and I always 
cut the flowers for the table and arranged them 
myself. The children and I dusted the books 
and bric-d-brac together, and it was the prettiest 
sight imaginable to watch the tiny boys trying 
to imitate "Mamma." I think that my son 
Christian ("Tia") possesses many of the char- 
acteristics of our family. He was a pretty 
child ; now he is a very handsome youth, and he 
was, and is now, warm-hearted and affectionate. 
I am told that he greatly resembles my father 
in the days of his youth, and I am glad of it. 
George, who is Crown Prince of Saxony, and 
his brother "Erni," were also dear boys, and 



170 MY OWN STORY 

I believe they are most promising and nice- 
minded. The little girls were sweet children, 
but I hear that Margaret is very much "prin- 
cess" in all that she says and does. 

I am sure that the maternal instinct is the 
strongest force within me, and I always had, 
even as a child, to "mother" something. I was 
not content with adoring my own babies, but I 
felt obliged to worship other people's as well. I 
founded a creche in the country; and as it was 
always full to overflowing with babies, I simply 
revelled there in a world made up of little 
children. I used to wash and dress them, I 
romped on the floor with them, and allowed 
them to pull my hair and hug me just as much 
as ever they liked. 

One day I was carrying a pretty baby up and 
down in the sunny garden outside the house, 
when I noticed a workman who was critically 
watching me over the palings which separated 
the garden from the road. 

I smiled and said " Good -morning," and as I 
came near him I could see from the look of love 
and pride in his eyes that he was the father of 
the baby. "You must love this sweet little 
one," I said, for the baby was crowing with joy 
and holding out its hands. 



MY OWN STORY 171 

"Who are you?'' asked the man abruptly. 

"I am the Princess Louisa," I answered. 

" You, the Princess!" 

"Certainly." 

"Well, if you are the Princess, you had better 
know at once that this child belongs to a despised 
Socialist — ^who hates all 'Royalties,* and wishes 
them at the devil," said the man, rudely and 
defiantly. 

I looked at him: then I said very quietly, 
"Whether this child belongs to a Socialist or 
not is all one to me; I only see a sweet baby." 

The man burst into tears. 

' ' Pardon me , Royal Highness , ' ' he stammered . 
^' Now I understand why you are called 'Our 
Louisa.'" I afterwards heard that he told his 
own "Section" he could never again hate 
' ' Royalties, ' ' after having seen me carrying his 
child. 



CHAPTER X 



The Court circle — ^'Noah's Ark" — Calico and crochet — 
Drink and gambling — The German Emperor — His power 
in Saxony — The invasion of England — The Arch- 
duke Franz- Ferdinand as a possible ally — The Opera 
at Dresden — / see it from the gallery — The affair 
of the "collier"— "Fatist" at the Court Theatre- 
Royal visitors. 



173 



CHAPTER X 



nPHE Court circle at Dresden, during the 
whole time I lived in Saxony, was com- 
posed of the most narrow-minded, evil-speaking, 
and conceited collection of himian beings it is 
possible to imagine. I nicknamed it "Noah's 
Ark," and, indeed, some of the people with 
whom I came into contact might almost have 
been described as antediluvian. I used to 
wonder why they existed, for, like most super- 
fluous persons, they had a great knack of boring 
others excessively and annoying them in small 
ways at the same time. 

The Saxon aristocracy have the rooted idea 
that their mission in life is to keep up appear- 
ances, and I think they really believe that God 
created them solely to show an admiring world 
what it is possible for paragons of perfection to 
be. Their pride of birth and rank is nauseating 
to any one who is intellectual and broad-minded ; 
and, under the pretext of safeguarding their 
own virtue, they pry, even by subterranean 

175 



v-^ 



176 MY OWN STORY 

methods, into affairs which do not concern them 
in the least. They live, move, and have their 
being merely as automata, and they are as stiff 
and expressionless as the Dutch dolls of our 
childhood. The majority of the aristocracy 
were not over-blessed with wealth, and the 
question of dress did not trouble the women to 
any great extent. They had no idea of ele- 
gance, and they were, as a rule, too stupid and 
heavy even to indulge in a harmless flirtation. 
I used to look at some of these ladies in despair, 
but as their appearance at the Court balls gave 
a touch of humour to these deadly dull functions, 
I had after all something for which to be grateful. 

I remember that on one occasion a girl slipped 
on the parquet floor of the ballroom, and fell 
most ungracefully in a heap, from which there 
presently emerged a pair of unattractive limbs 
covered with the most extraordinary hose. Silk 
stockings had evidently not been considered 
necessary, so she had economically re-footed a 
pair of cotton ones. She wore a red and white 
twill petticoat, and a glimpse of her lingerie 
conclusively proved that the young lady was 
a believer in crochet and calico, and scorned 
such luxuries as lawn and lace. 

The upper middle-class and the commercial 



MY OWN STORY 177 

community are the backbone of the Saxon na- 
tion, and they are happily free from the fatuous 
faiHngs and dulness of the aristocracy. They 
alone are the "intellectuals," who think and 
understand, and, I may add, the only ones who 
count in my estimation. 

The prosperous merchant is better bred and far 
more agreeable than any pompous Marechal de 
la Cour, and the ordinary clever lawyer or medi- 
cal man is superior to any so-called clever cour- 
tier. When I kicked mentally against the 
impossible life I was obliged to lead, I always 
wished that I could have a sort of spring clean- 
ing of my entourage, and that those who were 
beyond redemption could be consigned to the 
lumber-rooms. 

The aristocracy gamble and drink a great deal 
too much, and the young officers make up for 
not having much money by owing all they can. 
Saxony is dominated by the Emperor William, 
who watches events from afar, and nobody dares 
do anything in direct opposition to the Mars of 
Berlin. The army is absolutely influenced by 
him, and although the fact is always denied, 
he alone is the unseen ruling power, and al- 
though there is much secret discontent, it 
never becomes open rebellion. 



178 MY OWN STORY 

If I had remained in Saxony, I think I should 
have been friendly with the Emperor, as I never 
shared the mistrust of him which seems to be 
the prevalent feeling whenever he is discussed. 
I am sure he does not entertain any real affection 
for England, and no people are better aware of 
this than the English themselves. Whenever he 
visits the English Royal Family, it is amusing 
to see how the newspapers dwell on the ties of 
blood which connect the two houses, but every- 
body knows that, au fond, William would 
never allow consideration for his mother's rela- 
tives to weigh one moment against the interests 
of his own country. 

I do not think there is any possibility of the 
"great invasion" taking place for some time. 
The Emperor knows that the financial state of 
Germany is not favourable at the moment for 
war, and he is also fully aware that, even if the 
English army leaves a great deal to be desired, 
the navy is unspoilt, and England, even in her 
partial decadence, still remains the Mistress of 
the Seas. 

I do not think the Kaiser will ever become 
the ally of Austria in a war against England. 
A great deal has been written lately about my 
cousin Franz-Ferdinand, the future Emperor 



MY OWN STORY 179 

of Austria, who is supposed to favour this idea, 
but I am sure he has no wish for hostilities 
with any nation; at any rate, when I knew 
him he was the most non-poHtical personage 
possible. I saw him just before his marriage 
with the clever Countess Chotek, and he 
took no pains to conceal from me how dis- 
tasteful to him was the idea of becoming 
Emperor. "I prefer shooting," he said, "and 
I like a quiet life; I never could be worried 
with politics." I have heard that since his 
marriage, Franz-Ferdinand has been entirely 
dominated by the Jesuits, that his health is 
precarious, and that he is looked upon by his 
doctors as a consumptive. Two years ago he 
went to Egypt, and was supposed to return 
"cured," but I hear rumours that he is again 
suffering from lung trouble. 

The "five-o'clock" exists in Dresden society, 
but coffee and cakes are substituted for tea and 
bread and butter. It is a hateful function, but 
one dear to the hostess and her visitors, as, 
between the intervals of " gobbling " their cakes 
(this is the only word to describe their method of 
eating), they busily devour other people's repu- 
tations. I was hedged about with etiquette to 
an extent which no outsider can imagine, and 



i8o MY OWN STORY 

my spirit was truly in prison. Whenever I 
tried to be my natural self, I was at once 
"suppressed" by my husband's family, and 
although Frederick-August was a very good 
comrade, he never seemed able to shake off a 
childish dread of his father. I used to say that 
my lady of the bedchamber was the only person 
who was allowed to "take a liberty," for she 
was permitted by custom to enter my bedroom 
unannounced whenever she pleased. 

The one oasis to me in this dreary desert 
of Court life was the Opera, which I attended 
as often as I possibly could. Both the Opera 
and the Court Theatre are under the complete 
control of the King of Saxony, who pays all 
expenses connected with them; the Opera used 
to cost three million marks a year. 

How I loved the performances! Stage, 
artistes, and audience faded away, and I only 
heard the beautiful voices, and the exquisite 
music which filled my soul with ecstasy, and 
transported me to another world where I could 
roam fancy free and be happy. 

Of course, as patrons of the Opera, the 
Royal Family were always more or less in 
evidence, and I sometimes wondered as I looked 
round the crowded house whether the majority 



MY OWN STORY i8i 

of the audience really appreciated music, or 
went merely in a kind of foUow-my -leader way 
to hear it. I did not concern myself with the 
feelings of the dressed-up dolls I so cordially 
detested, but I was curious to know the opinions 
of the thinking class. At last my curiosity 
became so great that I decided to find out for 
myself, and I made up my mind to see the 
opera and royalty from the gallery as an or- 
dinary spectator. I took my children's old 
nurse into my confidence, and, needless to say, 
she was at first shocked and alarmed at my 
proposal. 

"It is impossible. Imperial Highness," said 
she; ''imagine what would happen if you were 
recognised, and your august father-in-law heard 
about it." I overruled her objections, however, 
and she gradually entered into the spirit of the 
adventure; so one evening she informed my 
attendants, with the utmost gravity, that 
"the Princess had a bad headache, and desired 
to be left entirely undisturbed." 

We lost no time in making our preparations, 
and with the aid of a red wig, some skilful 
"make-up," a black dress, and a plain hat, I 
transformed myself into one of the * * gods . ' ' We 
stole out of the palace by a side entrance and 



i82 MY OWN STORY 

luckily were quite unobserved. It was a fine, 
cold winter's night, and the frosty air, and 
my sense of adventure, gave me a delightful 
feeling of exhilaration and freedom. We walked 
V through the snow to the Opera House, and I 
still felt like a jo3^ul truant when I paid for our 
seats and at last fovmd myself in a tightly packed 
row of the gallery. 

I was intensely excited, and very pleased to 
be with my dear people. I was quite happy, and 
when my neighbours chatted to me I was more 
delighted than ever, and smiled to myself as I 
thought how they would have stared had they 
known who I was. From my coign of vantage 
I watched the arrival of my "illustrious" re- 
lations with tremendous interest. First the 
King and Queen took their seats in the royal 
box; then Mathilde made her appearance in her 
famous framboise gown, then came John-George, 
dreaming of Popes, and last my kind, good- 
looking husband, with his father. Directly the 
"gods" saw the King and Queen, a volley of 
comments arose on all sides, and I had a hard 
task to keep from laughing when I heard the 
remarks of the people on their rulers. 

"What a lot of mummies they look," said a 
young girl contemptuously. 



MY OWN STORY 183 

"Mathilde is too mean to buy a new dress, 
that 's an old friend she 's wearing," remarked 
another. 

"What a pity she does n't take something to 
bring down her fat," said a third. 

"How severe Prince George looks; it would 
do him good to rehearse the ballet instead of 
going so much to church," and every one tittered 
at this audacious sally, myself included, for the 
mental picture of my father-in-law instructing 
gauzy-skirted coryphees in the steps in which 
they should go, was too much for my gravity. 

And then the question passed from mouth to 
mouth, "Where 's Louisa? She 's late, perhaps 
she 's not coming. What a pity! She 's the 
only human being of the lot," and so on, until 
the curtain rose. 

I remained for one act, and I was astonished 
to discover how well the people really appre- 
ciated music, and how much they knew about 
technique and style; it was a revelation to me, 
but it proved to my entire satisfaction that my 
idea of the mental acquirements of the middle- 
class was quite right. 

I took tea with my unsuspecting family after 
their return from the Opera and, as I looked 
at my father-in-law, I thought that, had he 



i84 MY OWN STORY 

known of my escapade, I should doubtless have 
been immured in a convent for the rest of my 
natural life. 

The Opera is always associated in my mind 
with an incident which I shall describe as the 
"Affair of the Collier. ^^ As every one knows, 
the emeralds of the King of Saxony have a 
world-wide reputation, and when I was married, 
they were given me to wear, set mixed with 
diamonds in a tiara, necklace, and bracelets. I 
was delighted to possess the wonderful stones, 
but I did not like the heavy settings, so I asked, 
and received, permission to have the necklace 
made smaller. 

The beauty of the stones, and my sense of the 
artistic, resulted in my ordering an entirely new 
collier in a lovely Renaissance design. I decided 
to wear it at a gala performance, and chose a 
delightful rose chiffon gown to act as a foil to 
its mysterious green splendour; and it was with 
conscious pride in my appearance that I seated 
myself in my box opposite to the King and Queen, 
who were on the other side of the Opera House. 

Directly they saw me, they stared, and stared 
again, with opera-glasses levelled at my collier. 
A whispered consultation took place, and I was 
summoned to the royal box. The King received 



MY OWN STORY 185 

me very coldly, and asked me how I dared alter 
the family heirlooms. 

"Well," I said quite unabashed, "I dared 
because the setting was hideous. The emeralds 
were given to me to wear, and I did not like 
them in their original setting, and I think they 
are ten times more beautiful now." 

There was a frightful scene. Voices were 
raised, and a violent altercation took place which 
afforded great interest to the people in the stalls, 
who listened with all their ears to this undignified 
quarrel. 

We seemed always to be bickering about 
something, and I remember how cross my 
father-in-law was over a performance of Faust 
at the Court Theatre. It will be remembered 
that one passage in the play speaks very dis- 
respectfully about the insatiate greed of the 
Roman Catholic Church, and this so offended 
Prince George that he ordered the actor who 
declaimed it to "cut it out." 

When Faust was next played, the actor out 
of sheer bravado did not omit the lines, with 
the result that my father-in-law at once left the V 
theatre, and he was mean enough to insinuate 
that it was I who had instigated the actor's 
defiance of orders. 



i86 MY OWN STORY 

\^ ' We rarely received Royal visitors at Dresden; 
the late King of Siam came one year, and great 
festivities took place in his honour. His nephew, 
who was a clever man, accompanied him, and I 
was both interested and amused at his view of 
our Court; the King himself was stupid. He 
invariably remarked to every one he met, "How 
did you enjoy your trip?" but as nobody knew 
to what trip he referred, it was difficult to answer. 
Chulalonkorn visited the galleries, but the only 
pictures he appreciated were studies from the 
nude, and he was sublimely indifferent to other 
masterpieces. 

The Duke of Connaught also came to Dresden, 
I fancy with a "Garter" mission, and I was 
most favourably impressed by him. He seemed 
to possess the qualities which endear their 
owners to every one who knows them, and I 
thought he was a man of sound judgment and 
no little skill in military matters. 



CHAPTER XI 



Why and wherefore — Explanations — Mixed blood — A 
story of the French Revolution — The bicycle craze — 
/ am reprimanded — Petty tyranny — The pearl neck- 
lace — The recipe for a popular Queen of Saxony 



187 



CHAPTER XI 



[ NOW approach the most difficult part of my 

story, and that is an endeavour to show the 

outside world the conditions and events which 

finally led up to my departure from Dresden. 

It is a Herculean labour for any maligned 

woman to clear her character effectually when 

once it has been besmirched, and I am sure 

the world can never realise what I have suffered 

through Court intrigue. 

Looking at myself analytically, I wonder what 

I ever did to inspire my husband's family with 

the malignant hatred they invariably displayed 

towards me. I came to Dresden little more 

than a girl, but with a woman's sense of my 

responsibility and duties; I was quite willing 

to try to please, and I am vain enough to 

think that I endeared myself to the people; 

it was only those who considered themselves 

my equals who treated me with persistent 

coldness and mistrust. 

I have always wondered why a Habsburg 
189 



190 MY OWN STORY 

princess was selected as a wife for Frederick- 
August, especially one of my branch. The 
mixture of French, Italian, and Habsburg 
blood in my veins should have made any 
stolid family think seriously before they asked 
the possessor to marry one of its members, 
for, as my father-in-law said, with perfect 
truth, the Habsburg-Bourbon temperament is 
peculiar. All my ancestors had bequeathed 
to me something of their various individualities. 
I inherited from the Bourbons my love of 
the beautiful, my delight in all that appealed 
to the finer senses, and their supreme disregard 
for the opinions of those they disliked or de- 
spised. The imperious will of the "Sun King" 
became in me a compelling force urging me to 
make myself and my actions felt, and I revolted 
at the narrowness of the circle in which I found 
myself. Just as Louis XIV. transformed waste 
lands into the emerald parterres of Versailles, 
and eventually made the wilderness blossom 
like the rose, so I longed to remove all obstacles, 
and beautify my life. My ancestor could 
transplant trees, construct aqueducts, raise 
stately palaces as if by magic; but all these 
were simple things compared with the task I 
set myself after I came to Dresden. 





Photo by Hahn, Dresden. 

MYSELF IN FANCY DRESS AS MARIE-ANTOINETTE 
191 



MY OWN STORY 193 

From the Habsburgs I had as a legacy that 
absolute independence of thought and deed, 
which has always been so strange in members 
of an Imperial House hide-bound by etiquette 
and tradition. Most of us Habsburgs have 
artistic tastes, most of us desire to live lives 
built on large and noble lines, and most of us 
have that curious mental "kink" which has 
driven some to suicide, banishment, or self- 
effacement. 

I think 1 have always possessed some of the 
strong masculine will of Maria-Theresa, and 
Marie-Antoinette certainly bequeathed me her 
courage in trouble. Like her, I have experienced 
calumny, gross indignities, misrepresentations, 
bitter partings, and like her (until now) I have 
always disdained to explain. I am sure that 
if I had lived during the French Revolution I 
should have been as supremely indifferent to 
my fate as the great-great-grandmother of a 
friend of mine. The story goes that when it 
came to her turn to ascend the steps of the 
guillotine, she was accompanied by a girl who, 
like herself, had been a habituee of Versailles. 

These ladies were the last to suffer, and the 
blood of the other victims had made the planks 
slippery and wet. Turning to her friend the 



194 ^y OWN STORY 

elder woman said, "My dear, pray be careful, 
this horrid mess will soil your skirt," and she 
gathered up her dress to prevent even the hem 
becoming stained, seemingly oblivious of the 
fact that in a few seconds both she and her 
companion would be out of a world in which 
disregard of the canaille, and attention to the 
convenances were the only things that mattered. 
The unfortunate tendency of the Habsburg 
to escape for a time from anything irksome, 
became with Marie- Antoinette a desire to play 
the Fermiere at Trianon, and with me a wish 
to lead a free life; but unluckily Dresden did 
not possess a Trianon, and, Frederick-August 
was not strong-willed enough to call a substi- 
tute into existence, so I was kept in perpetual 
restraint. I shall never blame my husband 
for the unwilling part he played in the tragedy 
of my life. The King of Saxony is an absolutely 
good man; he is affectionate, upright, pure- 
minded, and his fatal weakness of character 
in great crises is solely due to his inborn in- 
decision of temperament, and his fear of his 
father. Frederick- August can act well for him- 
self and others in the ordinary things of life, 
but directly he is confronted with a situation 
that agitates or perplexes him, he loses his 




MY husband: a snapshot taken by myself 



195 



MY OWN STORY 197 

grip and relies on the opinions of stronger 
minds. 

My worries really began actively when the 
bicycle craze affected Dresden society. I was 
very anxious to learn, and asked my husband 
whether he had any objection to my doing so. 
He was quite in favour of it, and I arranged 
to take private lessons, always, of course, 
accompanied by a lady-in-waiting. 

I enjoyed myself thoroughly at first, but my 
pleasure was only fleeting, for one day I was 
somewhat hastily summoned by King Albert 
and Queen Carola on a matter of private im- 
portance. They received me with marked 
coldness, and the Queen said in displeased 
tones, "I hear, Louisa, that you are learning 
to ride the bicycle." 

"Certainly," I replied. 

"Well," said the King, "bicycling is not an 
amusement for a princess, and you ought to 
know it, Louisa." 

"Yes," chimed in Queen Carola, "and even if 
you had contemplated it, you should have asked 
my permission before you took lessons." 

"I had my husband's permission," I answered 
coldly; "I considered it quite sufficient." 

"Frederick -August's permission does not 



198 MY OWN STORY 

signify," replied the Queen. "You apparently 
ignore etiquette; please remember that I am 
the Queen, and that it is your duty to consult 
me in eveiy thing you do." 

I was furious, and told her that my father 
allowed my sisters to bicycle, and what he 
thought right, must he right. All my arguments 
were received with supercilious disdain, and I 
left in a tempest of anger and wounded pride. 
When I reached home, I poured out my wrongs 
to Frederick-August, who, good soul, was all 
for peace. I therefore let the matter drop, 
and did not go on with my lessons. 

Some days elapsed, and I received a little note 
from the Queen, asking me to come and see 
her. 

"My dear child," she began. "I 've really 
something very unpleasant to say." 

I waited in silence for the gathering storm to 
break, but, as the thunder still seemed in the 
distance, I said, with the courage of perfect 
innocence, 

"Well, tell me what it is, Auntie." 

She hesitated, and then answered hurriedly: 

"Well, Louisa, Madame X. came to-day on 
purpose to inform me that last evening you were 
seen in the Grosser Garten riding a bicycle in 



MY OWN STORY 199 

KNICKERBOCKERS, escorted by two actors from 
the Court Theatre." 

I looked at her in silent amazement, and then 
burst out laughing. 

"What a lie,'' I cried. "Why, since our last 
interview when you expressed a wish that I 
should not ride a bicycle I 've discontinued my 
lessons." Then anger completely mastered me 
at the thought of the malice which had inspired 
such a report, and I said: "Who is your in- 
formant? Tell me at once — ^bring her to me, 
I wish to speak to her." 

"No, no, Louisa, that 's impossible, I have 
promised not to tell." 

This made me angrier than ever. "How 
dare you," I cried, "accuse me, and not allow 
me to face my accuser?" 

I knew that this story was assiduously cir- 
culated all over Dresden, and I was contemptu- 
ously amused at it, so when I was again sent 
for by Queen Carola about a month afterwards, 
I said, without any preamble: "Am I arraigned 
once more?" 

The Queen was all smiles. 

"Arraigned? Certainly not, dearest Louisa. 
I 've sent for you to tell you that you may ride 
the bicycle after all, because I have just learned 



200 MY OWN STORY 

that the German Emperor allows his sister, 
Princess Frederick-Leopold, to ride one in 
Berlin!" ... I looked at the Queen, who 
was beaming with joy at the seal of approval 
set on bicycles by the Emperor, and I felt some 
pity for this example-swayed old lady. 

"Well, Auntie," I observed satirically, "your 
opinions are easily changed; that 's something 
to be thankful for, at any rate." 

These petty tyrannies soon began to have a 
bad effect on me: I grew hard and regardless 
of what I said, and occasionally did things out 
of sheer defiance to the existing powers. My 
father-in-law never lost an opportunity of 
goading me to desperation, and he was usually 
most vulgar in his methods. 

Once when we were dining at the Castle of 
Pillnitz, I was wearing a beautiful rope of three 
hundred and seventy pearls which had formerly 
belonged to my half-sister Marie-Antoinette. 
Suddenly the string broke, and the pearls rolled 
in all directions over the carpet, under tables 
and chairs and in all kinds of impossible places. 
Naturally active search at once commenced for 
the loose pearls, and the Chamberlain and most 
of the officers present very good-naturedly went 
down on their knees to look for them. 



MY OWN STORY 201 

My father-in-law stopped eating and regarded 
the proceedings with an affectation of cynical 
interest; then he slowly remarked: "Ah . . . 
in the rescuers of the pearls, we doubtless see 
these fortunate gentlemen in whom the Princess 
takes a tender interest." He never lost an 
opportunity of annoying me, and at last I 
regarded him with positive hatred. My children 
also disliked him, and whenever they were told 
they were going to visit their grandfather, they 
would scream and roll on the floor — in fact do 
anything to avoid meeting him. 

I remember once when he unexpectedly con- 
fronted the rolling tangle of angry little boys, he 
looked from them to me, and said: "It is easy to 
see what kind of an education you give your 
children, Louisa." 

My mistress of the robes once strongly 
advised me to model myself on the pattern of 
Queen Carola, and harangued me somewhat on 
these lines: "We are quite satisfied with you. 
Imperial Highness, if you consent to open 
exhibitions, receive people agreeably, show 
yourself in pretty toilettes, and chat freely — 
when occasion offers. What do you want more? 
It is yoiu" destiny to become a queen, why do 
you try to escape from it? You must be quite 



202 MY OWN STORY 

aware that it does n't do for a queen to have 
'feelings.' She is selected to continue her 
husband's dynasty, and what more does she 
expect?" 

"Are queens ever allowed to be human?" 
I asked. 

"Certainly, Imperial Highness, a queen may 
love her husband, but she must not be vulgarly 
demonstrative in her affection. It must be con- 
ducted on the lines of etiquette even in intimate 
moments, and she must not attempt to display 
the emotions of an ordinary woman." 

"Ah," I remarked. "I suppose that a Queen 
of Saxony who will be welcome and popular at 
Court ought to be selected from a manufactory 
of automatons, for a female automaton seems to 
be all you require. So long as it is well dressed, 
hien coiffee, and can bow, smile, eat, and walk, it 
will suffice (always of course bien entendu that 
it can provide an heir). Listen," I added 
emphatically, "a living, loving woman with a 
heart and brain who knows that a world exists 
outside the palace, will always suffer through 
creatures like you with your hateful opinions 
and your appalling ignorance of life," and the 
conversation ended. 



CHAPTER XII 



Sturm und Drang — Death of King Albert — An uncom- 
fortable journey — The woman in black — At Sibyllen- 
ort — Family disputes — "Le Roi est mort" — We 
return to Dresden — A thirsty princess — / meet the 
German Emperor — "Ify political friend" — King 
Albert's funeral — A wreath of water-lilies — The 
spectral cat — The midwife's prophecy. 



2Q3 



CHAPTER XII 



TN the stunmer of 1902 we were in the country, 
but our usually pleasant holiday was clouded 
by the serious condition of King Albert, who was 
on the point of death. The King and Queen 
were staying at the Castle of Sibyllenort near 
Breslau in Silesia, a beautiful residence given by 
the last Duke of Brunswick to the then King of 
Saxony. The castle contains four hundred 
rooms, and it was the scene of many scandalous 
orgies, in the later 'forties. The Dtike, who was 
a great admirer of the fair sex, had a private 
theatre there, and the ballet was composed of 
nimierous pretty girls whom he kept in harem- 
like seclusion. I remember seeing some rather 
startling pictures when I visited the castle as a 
girl of sixteen, but these were very properly 
banished by Queen Carola's orders, and Sibyllen- 
ort became a highly decorous royal residence. 
The King was constantly approached by the 

Prussian Government, who wished to purchase 

205 



206 MY OWN STORY 

the estate, but he would not sell, as he liked the 
place, and used often to stay there. 

I received my first intimation that I had 
become Crown Princess of Saxony on the tele- 
phone, when I was rung up from Sibyllenort, 
and told the news of King Albert's death. We 
at once left for Breslau, with all the usual rush 
and excitement of an unexpected journey. My 
maids were seated in their coupe, when a woman 
in black, carrying a covered basket, got in just as 
the train was starting. The maids naturally 
wondered who she was, and somewhat resented 
the intrusion on their privacy by a stranger, but 
the woman in black soon satisfied them as to her 
identity. 

"Well," she began, "I had indeed a rush to 
catch this train ; I don't know what would have 
happened to me if I had missed it." 

Receiving looks of interest, she went on: "I 
dare say you wonder who I am — and what is 
my business. Well, I am the woman chosen by 
the late King's physicians to assist at the 
autopsy; I consider it a great honour." 

The maids were rather disconcerted, and the 
woman continued: "You see, I'm very reliable, 
and you might remember my name if a death 
takes place in the Crown Prince's family!" 



MY OWN STORY 207 

At this" juncture the wicker basket heaved con- 
vulsively; the assistant of physicians opened it, 
and out jumped a lovely little dachshund. 
"This is my sweet dog," explained the owner. 
"I was terrified lest I should be forbidden to 
bring him with me, and we don't like to be 
separated, do we, dearest?" she said addressing 
her pet. This incident, which revealed a very 
human side of her character, made the maids 
more tolerant of the woman's profession, and 
they became qtiite friendly long before Breslau 
was reached. 

It was a dreadful journey; we travelled all 
night, and nobody had any rest as the sleeping 
car was infested with fleas which came out in 
battalions, thirsting for our blood. John-George 
accompanied us, and bored us extremely, by 
asstiming the airs of a mentor and overwhelming 
Frederick- August with good advice. 

We arrived at Breslau next morning, and drove 
in the royal carriages to Sibyllenort, which we 
reached about 7.30 a.m. My father-in-law was 
waiting to receive us, and I was much shocked 
at his smiling and jubilant expression in the 
house of death. 

Suddenly a voice screamed in strident tones: 

"Come in, don't waste time, we must have 



2o8 MY OWN STORY 

breakfast. I 'm absolutely perishing with hun- 
ger." The voice was Mathilde's, but I ignored 
her request and insisted on first going to offer 
my condolences to Queen Carola, and we were 
conducted to the late King's bedroom, where 
his widow remained with her beloved dead. 

King Albert lay on the bed, beautiful and 
calm, and his hands were crossed above the fine 
linen sheet, strewn with red roses, which covered 
him. Queen Carola knelt on a prie-dieu at the 
foot of the bed, where two candles were burning, 
and as I looked at the silent figures, a great wave 
of sadness came over me, and my heart over- 
flowed with pity for the grief -stricken mourner. 
I did not say much to her, for I could see she 
desired to be left alone, so I just kissed her in 
token of my sympathy, and left the room as 
quietly as I had entered it. 

It was, indeed, a contrast after the peaceful 
rose-scented chamber of death to find myself at 
breakfast with the King and his excited family. 
My father-in-law simply revelled in his new 
dignity, and kept on ringing the bell furiously, 
solely for the pleasure of hearing the fawning 
flunkeys address him as "Your Majesty"; it was 
life to him, and he seemed to me positively 
indecent in his unrestrained joy. 



MY OWN STORY 209 

During an interval of taking coffee he tiirned 
to us and said coarsely: "Well, goodness knows, 
I 've waited long enough to become King, in fact 
I was tired of waiting. I would have made you 
Regent, Frederick- August, but you are a useless 
creattue, and as for you, Louisa, you may as 
well understand that you have all your work cut 
out before you can become a Queen." 

"Yes," chimed in Mathilde, "Louisa is indeed 
far too democratic; she takes a ridiculous 
interest in the people, and never remembers the 
duties of her station." 

I did not answer, and she continued: "Now 
we must clearly understand our respective posi- 
tions. I, as the King's eldest daughter, shall 
naturally take precedence of you, Louisa." 

"Certainly not," said my husband angrily. 
"Louisa is Crown Princess, and she will there- 
fore precede you." 

I was heartily sick of the discussion; so I 
said carelessly, "Have it your own way. Cela 
m 'est bien egal." The whole proceedings 
were disgusting to any one with a grain of 
sentiment or self-respect. Here was the Royal 
Family quarrelling and disputing over pre- 
cedence and money matters before the late 
King had been dead twelve hours. Even his 



210 MY OWN STORY 

old servants seemed to have forgotten him, 
and redoubled their efforts to please the new 
Sovereign! It was, indeed, a case of, "Le Roi 
est mort . Vive le Roi ! ' ' 

As soon as this excessively unpleasant meal 
was over, Frederick-August and I were escorted 
to our apartments by one of the Court officials, 
who turned and said to me on the way, with 
great meaning, "Imperial Highness, you are 
at last our Crown Princess, and I hope, as all 
Saxony hopes, that you will soon become our 
Queen!" 

The funeral ceremonies were magnificent. 
The King's body was taken to Dresden for 
interment, and the coffin placed in a railway 
y carriage completely covered inside and outside 
\y with ermine, and full of exotic plants and palms. 

The train went at a walking pace to enable the 
people to see the last of their King, and we all 
returned to Dresden together. 

It was very hot weather, and Mathilde 
quenched her thirst at intervals with copious 
draughts of lager beer. I went to lie down, 
as I was overtired and overwrought. The 
train stopped at Bautzen, where my father-in- 
law alighted and received a deputation of the 
municipal authorities. He was exceedingly 



MY OWN STORY 211 

tactless, and made so many impatient remarks 
about the length of the proceedings that his 
new subjects nudged each other and looked 
askance when they heard him say that he 
did n't care two straws about the dull deputa- 
tion, and he grumbled and growled unceasingly 
vintil we reached Dresden. 

It was my duty to meet the German Emperor 
and the Empress, who came to Dresden to 
attend King Albert's obsequies, and I drove to 
the station with my father-in-law. It was the 
first time we had appeared in public together 
as King and Crown Princess, and although the 
crowd was very large, it was not enthusiastic 
at the sight of the King; a woman, however, 
recognised me under my heavy crepe veil, and 
called out: "Give our Louisa a cheer — ^we all 
love her," and then cheering broke out on 
all sides, which made the King so furious 
that he had hardly time to recover his equili- 
briimi before the special train from Berlin 
arrived. 

The Emperor greeted me most effusively, and 
whispered : 

"Well, that^s all right; now you are a step 
nearer to becoming my political friend." 

I drove back to the castle with the Empress, 



212 MY OWN STORY 

and the people cheered more freely now that the 
Imperial couple were in evidence. 

After the lying-in-State, King Albert was 
buried in the royal vault of the chapel. The 
cofQn slowly disappeared from sight of the 
mourners, on a lift, somewhat similar to that 
used at St. George 's Chapel, Windsor, and the 
body of the King was afterwards placed with 
those of his ancestors. 

"When a member of the Saxon Royal Family 
dies, the body is opened, and the heart is enclosed 
in a casket and put on a white satin covered 
cushion on one side of the coffin; les entr allies, 
in a white satin covered jar, are on the other 
\/" side, and when the coffin is finally deposited in 
the vault, these jars stand on a little etagere 
beside it. It is a barbarous custom, which, of 
course, annuls all risk of premature burial, but 
then who would ever, I wonder, willingly return 
to life in the same capacity after having once 
been a King or Queen? 

King Albert loved water-lilies, those cold 
flowers which never respond to the sun *s rays, 
and only display their beauty under the pallid 
moon. I therefore ordered a wreath entirely 
composed of water-lilies, which rested on a bed 
of palms. A white moire ribbon, edged with 



MY OWN STORY 213 

golden fringe, bore our names, and the pet 
names of his great-nephews and nieces, our 
children— "lury" (George), "Tia" (Frederick- 
Christian), "Emi" (Ernest-Heinrich), "Ethe" 
(Margaret), and "Riali" (Maria- Alix), in gold 
letters. 

Shortly after the King's death, I had a very 
imcanny experience at the chapel of the palace 
in the Zinzendorf Strasse. 

My father-in-law had once told me in a burst 
of confidence that on several occasions a spectral 
black cat had been seen on the altar: it was 
supposed to presage disaster, and he said he 
was firmly convinced that the animal was the 
devil or one of his familiars. I laughed at the 
story, and advised him to have the spirit exor- 
cised with bell, book, and candle, but I was 
destined, nevertheless, to see the mysterious cat 
myself. 

In the month of November, 1902, I attended 
Mass with my father-in-law, and suddenly my 
gaze was arrested by the sight of a huge black 
cat seated between the candles on the High 
Altar. I wondered whether any one besides 
myself saw it, but one glance at the scared faces 
around me left no room for doubt. The instant 
that Mass was over, Mathilde went to the 



214 MY OWN STORY 

Sacristy and ordered the attendant to turn the 
black cat out of the chapel, but this was impos- 
sible as it was not to be found. The windows 
and doors were all shut, and it was impossible 
to guess where the creature had disappeared to. 
A thorough search was instigated without success 
and the mystery remained unsolved. My father- 
in-law maintained a gloomy silence throughout, 
and told every one that the occturence must on 
no account be mentioned outside the palace. It 
was certainly odd, to say the least, and whether 
the black visitor was cat or devil, I saw it 
plainly, and can vouch for the truth of the story. 
Those early days of my poignant sufferings 
made me somewhat superstitious. I wondered 
whether the spectral cat foreshadowed any mis- 
fortunes for me, and I often used to think of the 
strange prophecy which heralded my appearance 
into this very odd world. The sage-femme who 
attended at my birth had the reputation of being 
a clairvoyante, and when she took me in her 
arms she said, looking at me with curious intent- 
ness, "This child is destined to wear a crown, but 
her future will be an unhappy one, and sorrows 
innumerable will be her portion." 



CHAPTER XIII 
J'accuse 



215 



CHAPTER XIII 



T ACCUSE Baron George von Metzsch, now 
Controller of the Royal Household, of being 
the active instigator of the intrigues which led 
to my leaving Dresden and to my ultimate 
expulsion from Saxony. 

My arch-enemy possesses the intellectual at- 
tainments which I have always admired. He 
is a good-looking, elegant man, with captivating 
manners, an iron will, and a ruthless tenacity of 
purpose that brooks no obstacles, but he does 
not know the meaning of chivalry or gratitude 
where his personal interests are involved. He 
employs creatures beneath contempt to spy and 
lie for him; and, curiously enough, the serpents 
who do his bidding never turn upon their master. 

I still retain a reluctant admiration for the 
qualities that make for greatness in this unscru- 
pulous man, although I doubt if he has an enemy 
who hates him more bitterly than I do. Through 
him I have been vilified in the eyes of my hus- 
band, my family, and my people; but, although 

217 



2i8 MY OWN STORY 

he has tried to suppress me, phoenix-like I rise 
from the ashes of injustice, and vindicate myself; 
and I believe that George von Metzsch now 
considers me an opponent worthy of his steel. 

When I arrived in Saxony, fresh from the 
intellectual pleasures that papa's companion- 
ship always afforded me, I was drawn to Von 
Metzsch, as he appeared to be the only witty and 
agreeable man in the Court circle. He seemed 
at that time very desirous of possessing my 
friendship, and I remember his saying: "We 
must try to be friends, Imperial Highness, for 
later on we can act together." We were always 
on the best of terms until 1897, when our friend- 
ship suddenly and definitely came to an end. 

In the summer of that year, my husband and 
I went to stay for a few weeks in Norderney. 
Von Metzsch was there, and one evening he 
asked us to sup with him: we were pleased to 
accept his invitation, and met him at the second- 
rate restaurant he had named. 

When we entered, an obsequious waiter con- 
ducted us to the table reserved for Herr von 
Metzsch, who came forward, greeted me with 
much empressement, and escorted me to my 
seat. I looked at the table in silent amazement : 
there was no tablecloth, no flowers, but only 




Photo "by Otto Mayer, Dresden. 

BARON GEORGE VON METZSCH, THE MAN WHO SAID OF ME, 
THIS WOMAN, BUT I WILL RUIN HER SLOWLY" 



WILL RUIN 



219 



m 



MY OWN STORY 221 

quite ordinary appointments, and in front of 
me was a dish covered with a plate. As I 
grasped all these details, I flushed with anger, 
for, although I hope I have no false pride, I 
resented this treatment of myself and Frederick- 
August as the guests of a subject. 

I turned to our host, who was watching me 
narrowly, although his face wore an inscrutable 
expression. 

"Well, Baron," I asked, "what kind of supper 
have you had prepared for me?" 

"Ah," he replied, "Imperial Highness, know- 
ing as I do the simple tastes of the Habsburgs, 
I have set some cold ham before you." 

I uncovered the dish, and sure enough I saw 
two small slices of ham. The whole occurrence 
was so bewildering that I could find no words to 
express my disgust and mortification, but I said 
very quietly, "I shall remember this, and I 
shall have my revenge." 

Von Metzsch started in mock alarm. 

"You are surely not offended?" he queried. 

"Oh no," said I, and I commenced my supper 
as though nothing untoward had happened. 

I pondered over this extraordinary behaviour, 
and after a while I invited Von Metzsch and his 
wife to supper at the best restaurant in Nor- 



222 MY OWN STORY 

demey. I ordered a private room, and gave the 
proprietor carte blanche for flowers, food, and 
wines. The restilt of my preparations absolutely 
staggered Von Metzsch, who sat next me at 
supper; he kept looking round the room, men- 
tally appraising the cost of the flowers and the 
choice dishes and wine, and at last he said to 
me: 

"Why have you gone to such lavish ex- 
penditure for my entertainment, Imperial 
Highness?" 

I looked at him steadily and then said: 

"This, Excellency, is my revenge for the two 
slices of ham you gave me the other night ; later 
on, / shall sit as a Queen at the political supper 
table, where there will be numerous plats for my 
guests, and then, Baron, you will receive only 
two small slices of political influence." 

Every one present heard my words, which I 
could see produced a really startling effect. Von 
Metzsch never forgot them, and from that 
moment he became my deadly enemy. I know 
for a fact that he said, "I mean to ruin this 
woman, but I will ruin her slowly," and he kept 
his word. 

Von Metzsch was hand and glove with King 
Albert and my father-in-law, who took him 



MY OWN STORY 223 

unreservedly into their confidence, and never did 
anything without consulting him. Mathilde, 
too, was his ally, and she reported to him all my 
doings, and enlarged and commented on my 
harmless eccentricities, unmindful of the fact 
that her own peculiarities made her the butt 
of the Socialist newspapers, and that she was 
regarded as a huge joke all over Saxony. 

George von Metzsch laid his plans with dia- 
bolical cunning; his spies were everywhere, and 
he was so skilful that I was at that time never 
able positively to identify him as the instigator 
of the infernal machinery which was slowly, but 
surely, set in motion to undermine my reputation 
and my happiness. 

My husband was the only useless item in 
Von Metzsch's schemes, for his fine character 
and purity of mind made him incapable of 
believing ill of any one, and he steadfastly dis- 
countenanced malicious gossip. I was sur- 
rounded by enemies, and were it not that my 
father-in-law is dead, and unable to answer 
my accusations, I would not hesitate to pro- 
duce the proofs that I possess of his relentless, 
vindictive methods towards me. 

The Church regarded me with secret dislike, 
for the priests disapproved of my free-thinking 



224 MY OWN STORY 

ideas, and the Modernisme so hated by the 
Vatican, that I always displayed. The Court 
entourage detested me because they knew that 
I wished to upset the old order of things, and 
that if ever I became Queen I should inspire 
sweeping reforms, and make away with the petty 
injustice and corruption which pervaded every- 
thing. My enemies, too, were fully aware that 
I wielded great influence over my husband, and 
they feared my friendship with the Emperor 
William, whom they disliked and dreaded as 
my possible ally. 

I took too much interest in the people to please 
the Court, and I did not conceal my opinion 
that a Protestant country like Saxony ought to 
have a Protestant King, and should not be ruled 
by a Roman Catholic. 

I wished to make my Court an intellectual 
and artistic centre, and this again was a subject 
of bitter contention. I alternated between 
indignant revolt and acute depression, for I 
realised that I was under constant surveillance, 
and I was treated like a little girl who requires 
very strict governesses. Every small action of 
impulse was magnified into almost criminal 
eccentricity, my harmless friendships were pre- 
sented in the light of vulgar flirtations, and I 



MY OWN STORY 225 

could never show any interest in any one with- 
out having some disgraceful ulterior motive 
attributed to me. 

When I was not the object of abuse, my own 
family were subjected to it, and we were one 
and all credited with every Habsburg peccadillo 
and peculiarity. My superior rank was another 
cause of offence, and at last I grew tired of strug- 
gling against such overwhelming odds. I dis- 
dained to complain, because I knew that I was 
represented as a capricious, hysterical woman 
who required the firm hand of subjection which 
is usually supposed to be so efficacious, but, in 
the majority of cases, has only the ultimate 
effect of driving its victims to desperation. 

Oh, how I suffered in those days! I have 
often tried to show some nobility of character, 
and forgive those who injtured me so deeply, but 
I cannot. The iron has entered far too deeply 
into my soul; forgiveness may come later, but 
at present I have banished it from my heart. 
I was like some wild bird that has fallen into 
the snare of the fowler and is caged for evermore. 
Often I stood at my window at eventide, and 
watched the happy hurrying people going on 
their homeward way, and I envied them so 
much. They, at any rate, could live as human 

IS 



226 MY OWN STORY 

beings — to me it seemed forbidden to do any- 
thing but suffer. 

Those people are ingenuous who envy crowned 
heads, for there are very few of them who would 
not like to be in some other sphere. The dis- 
play of regal state is always outwardly attrac- 
tive, the mise en scene is imposing and arresting, 
but royal personages are, as a rule, very or- 
dinary people after all. Our education unfits 
us for any other position in life; we can be, 
generous because we have always money at 
our disposal for charity; we can make our- 
selves agreeable because it is part of our 
training; but when once we become creatures 
of flesh and blood we lose part of our halo. I 
often think that it is the pomp and circum- 
stance surrounding Royalty which appeal most 
strongly to the populace, and I am quite sure 
that the people of Dresden would have appre- 
ciated a good circus procession infinitely better 
than a coronation. 

The unceasing persecution went on unchecked ; 
there was not a soul I could trust, and nobody 
dared tell (so great was the power of Von 
Metzsch) what the undercurrent of intrigue 
against me really meant. I felt like a prisoner 
condemned to death, who is not allowed to know 



MY OWN STORY 227 

when the sentence will be carried out; it would 
have been unnerving even to the strongest per- 
son, but to me, highly strung and impression- 
able, as I am, it was positive torture. I was 
a young woman with all the feelings of youth, 
and my sense rebelled against the unmerited 
indignities to which I was subjected. 

Another dangerous spy existed in my own 
household, but I shall not sully these pages by 
mentioning his name, for he is only worthy to 
be termed a noxious reptile. He belongs to a 
class only to be met with in palaces — a class re- 
sponsible for many unfathomed tragedies which 
are never allowed to see the light. To me, the 
hold that these creatures obtain is incompre- 
hensible; they usually commence their career 
by being admitted into a curious kind of semi- 
familiarity with royalties when they are quite 
young, and they grow up intimately acquainted 
with the labyrinth of intrigue which always 
exists in palace life. They end by making them- 
selves indispensable; they force confidences, 
and thus obtain a hold over their unfortunate 
masters and mistresses who are powerless from 
the moment they betray themselves. 

These people are looked upon as the secret 
keys which unlock the private lives of kings and 



228 MY OWN STORY 

queens ; they are corrupt in every way, and their 
indolent Hves and "high Hving" render them 
gross and material. Gratitude and loyalty are 
unknown when once they are balked in their 
desires and intrigues, and woe betide those 
luckless enough to cross them. 

I regarded the man I have mentioned with a 
peculiar kind of nervous antipathy; he was one 
of my husband's personal attendants, and was 
allowed unwarrantable liberties of speech and 
action. He once dared to address me in a detest- 
ably familiar manner, and when he realised how 
bitterly I resented it, he watched me as a spy, 
and I felt that his covert looks and furtive 
glances were always upon me. His "atmos- 
phere" was of the most evil kind, and whenever 
he left my presence, I felt a strong impulse to 
throw open all the windows, and let in the fresh 
air to purify the room. I have never experienced 
such a deadly antipathy for any one but this 
spy of Von Metzsch, and I often thought it a 
pity that the Court of Saxony, always so 
mediaeval in its ways, did not adopt some 
sharp, short mediaeval method of silencing such 
traitors. 

It may be that a man can persecute a woman 
with relentless hatred and remain unpunished, 



MY OWN STORY 229 

but I am old-fashioned enough in my beliefs 
to think that George von Metzsch will one day- 
receive his just sentence at that tribunal from 
which there will be no appeal. 



CHAPTER XIV 



/ leave Dresden 



231 



CHAPTER XIV 



ly A Y position became almost unendurable after 
the death of King Albert who had always 
shown me considerable kindness, and the year 
1902 was a most unhappy one for me. My 
father-in-law felt his health declining, and he 
apparently determined to get rid of me by fair 
means or foul before he died. He was terribly 
afraid lest I should become Queen of Saxony, 
and as his health became worse, he grew more 
and more austere and fanatical. 

I was practically friendless, and how I longed 
for some one in whom I could confide! My 
husband was invariably kind, but when I en- 
deavoured to tell him my troubles, and explain 
how things really were, he could not, or would 
not, realise that such wickedness existed. 

To all my entreaties that he would test the 
truth of my statements, he only answered, 
"But — ^why — ^what reason can there be for such 
a state of things? I don't notice anything 
different ; why do you worry?" 

233 



334 ^Y OWN STORY 

It was like beating my head against a wall, so 
little did I impress Frederick- August, and at last 
I gave it up in despair. 

I always knew that I was watched, even in my 
own rooms, and I felt on the verge of a crise des 
nerfs. My maid told me that she was certain 
I was being spied upon at night, and I deter- 
mined to find this out for myself. 

One night I got up, and crept silently through 
the rooms in the dark; the shutters were not 
closed, and the street lamps gave enough light 
for me to distinguish the various objects in the 
room. As I entered, I saw the heavy curtains 
move slightly, but I pretended not to notice it, 
and after a few moments I returned to my bed- 
room and then went to rouse my maid. We 
made our way to the room occupied by the spy 
whom I have previously mentioned. My maid 
called him by name, but there was no answer. 
When she opened the door we saw that his bed 
was empty, and what had hitherto been a 
suspicion, now became a reality. 

Another time, when I was dressing for a Court 
ball, my toilet-table was in such a position that 
from where I was sitting I could see the door of 
my dressing-room reflected in the mirror. While 
the maid was adjusting my coronet, I noticed the 



MY OWN STORY 235 

velvet portidre lifted by a cautious hand, and I 
managed to warn her by a glance that something 
was happening. We continued talking, but, at a 
sign from me, she darted across the room and 
confronted a footman who was hidden behind 
the portiere. 

"What are you doing here?'' she inquired, but 
the man made some futile excuse, and beat a 
rapid retreat. After these events I felt much 
relieved to think that as my husband and I 
occupied the same bedroom, there could be at 
least no espionage there. 

It was with mixed feelings of joy and appre- 
hension that I found I had again hopes of be- 
coming a mother. Under happier circumstances I 
should have welcomed another sweet baby, but 
I felt such a strong presentiment of trouble 
that I dreaded the effect my nervous condition 
might have on the unborn child. Those lonely 
days were only lightened by the society of my 
sons, who were now old enough to have a tutor, 
and I often went to see how their studies were 
progressing, and chatted with their instructor, 
M. Giron, who was an intelligent and charm- 
ing man. 

I wrote long letters to my brother, the Arch- 
diike Leopold, telling him how much I had to 



236 MY OWN STORY 

endure, and his replies always consoled and sup- 
ported me. I had by this time fully made up 
my mind to leave Saxony, and I proposed to 
Leopold that we should make our home together 
in Switzerland until King George died, when I 
could return as Queen. 

My lady of the bedchamber, Frau von Fritsch, 
was one of my most unrelenting enemies. This 
lady owed her position in my household to her 
friendship with my father-in-law in the days of 
his youth when he was a disciple of Plato, whose 
doctrines tempered his inclinations and enabled 
him to be purely dispassionate in his dealings 
with the opposite sex. 

Frau von Fritsch appreciated King George's 
friendship to such a degree that she considered 
herself one of the Royal Family. She always 
dressed exactly as I did, and carried her imita- 
tion in this direction to a ridiculous extent. I 
remember that one day when "Erni" met her 
on the staircase he really thought he saw his 
mamma, until closer inspection showed him 
his mistake. 

The child was much puzzled, and said gravely, 
"You look like a very old picture of mamma," 
and Frau von Fritsch was so dense that she did 
not see that Erni was only referring to her as 



MY OWN STORY 237 

a work of art, and she repeated this joke against 
herself to every one she met. 

She was intensely affected, but her affecta- 
tion and deference scarcely disguised her veiled 
insolence, and she was false to the heart's core. 
She discussed me with my father-in-law, and 
never to my advantage, for she was an utterly 
unscrupulous liar. 

Matters came to a crisis in November, 1902. 
One morning Frau von Fritsch came into my 
sitting-room, and to my intense amazement she 
dared to comment on my friendly interest in my 
sons' tutor. I hope I am always open to reason- 
able advice, but that such a woman should pre- 
sume on her friendship with my father-in-law 
to criticise me was past endurance, and I insisted 
that she should repeat her accusation of my 
having flirted with M. Giron to my husband. 

Frau von Fritsch cried and sobbed, and 
begged me not to confront her with Frederick- 
August. She then went off to my father-in-law, 
and I sought my husband, and in a paroxysm 
of despairing tears begged him to take me 
away from Saxony. He was then suffering from 
the effects of a broken leg, and my state of mind 
came upon him with something of a shock. 

"Let us go to Egypt," I urged. "If I am 



238 MY OWN STORY 

safe with you I shall be at rest. You alone can 
save me. I beg, I entreat you to protect me 
from those who are trying to ruin me." But 
all in vain. My husband merely said that I was 
over-imaginative and hysterical as a result of 
my condition, and that it was quite impossible 
for him to leave Dresden on account of his 
father's health. If I really wished it, we could 
travel later. 

"Later," I sobbed, "may be too late, Fred- 
erick." 

Oh, if my husband had only been less of a 
good man! In his eyes a woman and a mother 
was so sacred that he could not conceive any 
one calumniating her, and the traditions of his 
house made him think it impossible that people 
would ever dare to hint evil of the Crown Princess 
of Saxony. 

I could have told him that evil was actually 
made out of my charities and my visits to the 
hospitals. The Children's Hospital at Dresden 
was under my patronage, and I used often to go 
there and assist in the nursing, and occasionally 
help with the "dressings." One evening a 
poor girl would not have her bandages adjusted 
unless I was there, and so, in despair, the house- 
surgeon telephoned to me, and begged me to 



MY OWN STORY S39 

htimour the sufferer, who was dangerously ill. 
We were all at tea when the message arrived, 
and I at once wished to go, but my father-in-law 
absolutely forbade it, and said in a contemp- 
tuous, jeering way, "Let the rat die." 

I resented this cruelty to a dying girl even 
more than anything he had ever done to me, 
because I felt that I was only doing my duty in 
going to any of my people who needed me, or 
my help, in sickness or trouble. I hope the poor 
child understood before she died how much I 
wanted to be with her, and how often she was 
in my thoughts that evening. 

After her accusation, Frau von Fritsch sent 
privately for M. Giron and tried to entrap him 
into an admission of affection for me. He was 
furious and demanded to face his calumniators. 
Nothing would induce him to remain at the 
Court, and he told my husband that urgent 
family business recalled him to Brussels. 

Frau von Fritsch at once went to my father- 
in-law, and begged him to prevent M. Giron 
leaving Dresden, for no other reason, I think, 
than that his departure would effectually crush 
all hopes of my downfall. Naturally the King 
was disturbed at the turn of events, and he 
asked me to try and induce the tutor to recon- 



240 MY OWN STORY 

sider his decision; but M. Giron was obdurate, 
and left Dresden early in November, 1902. 

What penances my father-in-law performed 
to quiet his uneasy conscience I know not, but 
doubtless the souls in Purgatory had many extra 
Masses said for them, and as the Court priests 
pocketed five marks for each Mass I imagine 
they were not deeply disturbed at our family 
differences. 

When the King fully realised that for the 
time being his plans had miscarried, he sent for 
me, and in tones of cold hatred disclosed the 
arrangements he contemplated making on my 
behalf, and I think at this interview religion 
must have fled weeping from his presence 

We faced each other, outwardly calm, and he 
said, coming straight to the point, "It has 
become annoying and wearisome for me to 
possess you as a daughter-in-law, Louisa. The 
views you entertain, and the contempt you dis- 
play for the traditions of our Court convince me 
that you are not in the way of fulfilling my ideal 
of what a Queen of Saxony should be. I dislike 
you personally, I have always done so, and . . . 
therefore I intend to have you removed. I only 
regret that our ridiculous modern ideas do not 
permit me to imprison you for life, or better 



MY OWN STORY 243 

still," he continued, "to cause you to disappear 
so' completely that your fate would never be 
known. You have now fulfilled your destiny, 
which was to provide princes to continue our 
line, and so I have no further use for you. But, 
Louisa, I now tell you what I have always 
thought, and that is that you are mad — and 
that the Boiurbon-Habsburg eccentricities have 
so developed in you that they have become the 
cause of your state of mind. 

"So, my poor Louisa, as there is happily 
every provision made nowadays for the insane, 
I shall personally interest myself in seeing that 
you are guarded from the consequences of your 
actions." 

He left me without another word, and Frau 
von Fritsch, who had doubtless been an inter- 
ested listener to the conversation, came into the 
boudoir in a state of excitement, and at once 
began to glorify my father-in-law. 

"He is so just, so good, and so considerate 
for your welfare," she said, "he wishes to keep 
your husband in ignorance of many sad truths 
concerning you." Then in motherly tones she 
continued: "My sweet Princess, I feel so deeply 
for you. Fancy, if your hysterical condition 
should become violent, and you attacked your 



244 ^Y OWN STORY 

little ones, how terrible that would be ! It will 
be better for you not to see the children, and 
from this time forth my orders are never to leave 
you alone with them." 

I was so stunned with horror and fright at 
being told I was insane, that at first I could 
not speak ; but at last I collected all my energies 
and turned on my enemy. 

"Be silent, woman ! " I cried. " Don't dare to 
stay in my presence. Traitress and spy, if you 
have discussed me with truth, there is nothing 
in my life to be ashamed of. Go to the King 
and talk about Plato — you and he will find it 
reminiscent — ^but leave me this instant, or I 
will have you turned out of my boudoir." 

At this Frau von Fritsch completely lost her 
self-control and hissed at me: "Ah — ^you talk 
bravely, Imperial Highness, but let me tell you 
that your accouchement will take place in the 
Asylum of Sonnenstein; your father-in-law and 
I have arranged all the details, and your rooms 
are even now prepared for you." 

Left alone, I tried to calm myself in order to 
look at my desperate situation in all its aspects, 
and I am stue that few himian beings have ever 
been placed in such a terrible predicament. As 
I had anticipated, M. Giron's sudden departure 



MY OWN STORY 245 

had forced the King's hand; it had evidently- 
been intended all along to brand me either as an 
unfaithful wife or as a lunatic ; the first plan had 
failed, as there was not the faintest proof that 
any liaison existed between M. Giron and myself; 
so the other expedient was resorted to by my 
enemies. 

I realised with impotent despair how helpless 
I should be when once I was placed in a Maison 
de Sante, and I shudderingly recalled to my mind 
the various princesses who had been consigned 
to what I considered a living tomb. The one 
terror of my existence has always been the dread 
of insanity, and the horrors of confinement in 
a madhouse, be it known as a Home of Rest, 
a Castle, or a Private Sanatorium. Any forced 
restraint has always been resented by the Habs- 
burgs, and my whole spirit revolted against 
the fate in store for me. What could I do? 
Various ideas formed and reformed, and even- 
tually crystallised themselves into the one word 
— Escape. I knew that my hours of personal 
liberty were numbered at Dresden, and that any 
appeal to my husband would be worse than use- 
less. There was nothing for me but flight, but 
even as I thought of the idea, I suffered agonies 
at the prospect of leaving my children — those 



246 MY OWN STORY 

precious beings who belonged to me. I picttired 
dear George and Erni, and my loving Tia, left 
without "mamma," who loved them so tenderly, 
and I wept over my little girls, who, luckily, 
were too young to miss me for long. 

I have been described as a frivolous woman 
and a heartless mother, who left her children in a 
most cruel manner; but as I am now giving the 
whole truth to the world, I leave the world 
to judge who was the more cruel — a hunted, 
persecuted woman who fought for her liberty, 
or the unscrupulous enemies who drove her 
from husband, home, and children? I knew 
that the children would be well cared for, and 
I thought that arrangements could easily be 
made, after an interval, which would enable me 
to see them at Salzburg, or some other place 
within easy reach of Dresden. 

Thought of flight, alone, filled me with anxiety. 
I knew little or nothing of the outside world, and 
the unknown is always dreaded. I was in a 
delicate state of health, when all excitement was 
undesirable, and my physical condition made 
me feel both bodily and mentally ill. When I 
thought of this, a sudden panic seized me. My 
baby must never, never be born in a mad- 
house; it must be spared at all costs from such 



MY OWN STORY C49 

dreadful prenatal influences, and I think this 
last horror finally decided me not to lose an- 
other moment over my plans for safeguarding 
my unborn child and myself. 

I behaved that evening just as if nothing 
unpleasant had happened, and I said casually 
that, as I was rather run down, I should like 
to spend a few days at Salzburg. To my surprise 
no objection was raised, so I at once wrote to my 
parents saying that I proposed paying them a 
short visit, and I managed to send Leopold a 
long confidential account of all that had tran- 
spired. I told him that I relied on his promise 
to help me, should papa refuse to have me at 
Salzburg, until things covld be arranged; and 
from the moment I knew I was really going 
home, I lived in a kind of waking dream. I 
found myself taking an odd interest in quite 
trivial things in my rooms. "Look well at us," 
the pictures seemed to say, "because you may 
never see us again." The famous emeralds 
gleamed with unwonted fire, and seemed to 
whisper, "We shall adorn another Princess in 
years to come, but we shall remember you." 
When I stole into the bedrooms to look at my 
sleeping children, an unseen presence seemed to 
follow me, and say, "Cherish the memory of 



250 MY OWN STORY 

these little ones, unhappy mother, and you will 
have the consolation of being told in days to 
come that you have lived in their hearts." 

That night, as I lay awake, torn with anguish, 
I heard my husband's peaceful breathing, and I 
knew that he slept in ignorance of what the 
morrow woiild bring. I was often tempted to 
throw myself again on his protection, but I was 
too much in dread of my father-in-law to dare 
to speak. 

When I drove to the railway station on the 
day I left Dresden, I had something of the 
feeling of an emigrant who is leaving his native 
land; but an emigrant is not always obliged to 
leave his nearest and dearest behind. As I 
stepped into my coupe, and the train steamed 
out of the station, I realised that my day as 
Crown Princess of Saxony was over. 



CHAPTER XV 



My arrival at Salzburg — A fruitless interview — My brother 
protects me — We agree to fly together — A night ad- 
venture — We start for Switzerland. 



251 



CHAPTER XV 



T ARRIVED at Salzburg on December lo, 1902. 
I had passed through a whirl of conflicting 
emotions during the journey, the prevalent one 
being a feeling of intense relief at my escape from 
my father-in-law. The danger of being immured 
in a madhouse seemed now averted, but I was 
uncertain as to the attitude my parents would 
adopt. It is a strange fact that, on the various 
occasions when I have relied on other people, 
they have not only failed me, but have frus- 
trated my plans, and I have always had to face 
the great crises of my life entirely alone. 

I entered the gloomy Palace at Salzbxirg with 
high hopes, for I felt certain that papa and 
mamma would pity and console me in my 
troubles, although they might possibly disap- 
prove of my plans for the future. I was con- 
vinced that papa, especially, would be horrified 
at the idea of my detention in a Maison de Sant6, 
and would never for a moment countenance it. 

I longed for comforting words and some demon- 

253 



254 MY OWN STORY 

st rations of affection to heal my wounded heart, 
and give me fresh courage for the trials still in 
store for me. But I was doomed to disappoint- 
ment. Mamma received me coldly, and evi- 
dently thought it very odd that I wished to visit 
Salzburg in mid-winter; she said that I must be 
careful on no account to excite my father, for 
he was in a precarious state of health. 

I have often wondered how mamma came to 
have a daughter such as I am, for our tempera- 
ments are entirely dissimilar. She has been a 
good mother according to her lights, but I am 
sure she must have regarded us girls as rather 
troublesome, for she was always worrying about 
our chances of marriage, and it has been a bitter 
disappointment to her that she has only con- 
trived to "get off'* myself and my sister Anne, 
who became the wife of Prince John of Hohen- 
lohe-Bartenstein-und-Jagtsberg, in 190 1. I am 
told that ever since my divorce mamma has put 
all the blame on me for the fact that my sisters 
still remain spinsters, and maintains that my 
"impossible" conduct makes probable suitors 
chary of marrying into our family. I think it is 
a great pity that they do not marry, for they 
are sweet, amiable creatures, who, luckily for 
themselves, do not possess those Habsburg 



MY OWN STORY 255 

eccentricities which Leopold and I have inherited. 

I lost no time in obtaining an interview with 
papa, and, though I was shocked at the change 
in his appearance, I felt that I must tell him 
everything. I fancy mamma must have pre- 
pared him for a hysterical outburst, for at first 
he treated me like a wa3rward child who required 
humouring and soothing. When he saw that I 
was in deadly earnest, however, he listened more 
attentively to my story, and I could see he was 
impressed by it. 

I began by telling him how, at the funeral 
of King Albert, the Chamberlain had struck the 
first note of warning when he said to me: "For 
the love of Heaven, Imperial Highness, be careful 
in all your words and actions, for there is a plot 
against you. I dare not tell you more." 

I related all my intolerable persecution, the 
indignities to which I had been subjected by 
Von Metzsch and his spies, and the bitter hatred 
of my father-in-law. Papa asked me whether I 
had complained to Frederick- August, and on my 
replying in the affirmative he wished to know 
what my husband thought. What answer could 
I make except to tell the disconcerting truth 
that my husband only looked upon my ideas 
of tyranny and persecution as creations of my 



256 MY OWN STORY 

imagination and an unfortunate tendency to 
take offence where none was intended. 

To my utter and undisguised dismay, papa, of 
all people, seemed to share Frederick-August's 
opinion. He said that he, too, was convinced 
that my state of mind arose from nervous 
depression consequent on my condition, and 
advised me to be patient and return to Dresden. 
He even went so far as to say that I had pro- 
bably mistaken my father-in-law's attitude, 
that he could only have been actuated by the 
kindest motives when he suggested I should leave 
the palace, and that instead of a madhouse, he 
only meant a "rest-cure." 

"But, Papa," I stammered, '' Sonnenstein 
was mentioned, and all the world knows that 
Sonnenstein is a lunatic asylum." 

"Nothing you can say," said papa firmly, 
"will ever convince me that the Royal Family 
of Saxony could be guilty of such a dastardly 
act as to intrigue against you, for besides being 
Crown Princess you are my daughter, and a 
member of the Imperial House of Austria." I 
argued that with some natures hatred knows no 
laws and acknowledges no rank, and I instanced 
the animosity displayed by Bismarck to the late 
Empress Frederick to prove that similar cases 



MY OWN STORY 257 

had existed at other Cotirts ; but papa declined to 
listen, and told me again that, once and for all, I 
had better make up my mind to return to Dresden. 

"Am I then definitely to understand, papa," 
I said in despair, "that you refuse to believe 
my story? I assure you I have not exaggerated 
a single detail, but rather, out of my love for 
you, have minimised my sufferings. Papa, 
dearest, you have always been my best friend; 
the affection between us is deep and devoted; 
I implore you to let it plead my cause. What 
will become of me if you desert me? You will 
surely not grudge your unhappy child one tiny 
corner of this enormous palace where she can 
take shelter from her enemies. Oh, do listen, 
don't turn from me; if I stay here I shall give 
you no more trouble, and if I am patient the 
situation at Dresden may change as soon as 
my husband knows I will not return to him, 
and my enemies become aware that I am under 
the protection of the Emperor of Austria 
and yourself." 

I clasped my hands as I uttered this beseech- 
ing appeal. Papa was visibly affected, but he 
was obdurate, and it seemed to me as if he were 
repeating a well-instilled lesson when he said, 
somewhat testily: 



258 MY OWN STORY 

"Oh, dear, how importunate you are, Louisa! 
I am very sorry for you, my child, if you are 
unhappy, but it is wrong to interfere between 
husband and wife, and I do not propose to 
interfere between you and Frederick-August^ 
You may be sure that if he says there is nothing 
to alarm you, he is right, and you had better 
dismiss all these morbid fancies and unjust 
suspicions from your mind." 

That absolutely silenced me, and I hastily 
sought my brother Leopold, who was waiting 
to hear what papa had decided. "When I told 
him, he shrugged his shoulders, and commented 
somewhat strongly on our father's obstinacy. 

"Papa is afraid of offending Francis- Joseph," 
remarked Leopold. "For my own part, I cannot 
see why we Habsburgs are always so frightened 
of him; after all he is a very ordinary old man." 

"Leopold," I said, "my state is, indeed, 
desperate. You are my last hope, don't give 
me up to my enemies." 

"Give you up! certainly not'' cried the good 
fellow. "I won't see my sister tyrannised over 
by a set of pettifogging priests, and a Jesuitical 
old King and his creatures; I *m sure you are 
quite right in all that you say, and I think 
Frederick- August has n't the courage of a mouse. 



MY OWN STORY 259 

I should like to see any one try to persecute my 
wife." 

"What shall we do?" I queried, because I felt 
certain that now my motive for coming to Salz- 
burg was known, mamma would write whole 
reams about it to Dresden, and I was honestly 
frightened at the thought of what might follow 
her disclosures. 

"What shall we do? Why, Louisa, we '11 run 
away to-morrow evening. I '11 make all the 
arrangements for our journey, and I think our 
destination had better be Switzerland," said my 
easy-going brother. 

I thought of the old saying, that any port is 
welcome in a storm; and, though I had never 
anticipated leaving Salzburg so precipitately, 
I felt that instant flight was the only thing 
possible for me. I made one more appeal, at 
the eleventh hour, to papa, but as it met with 
no satisfactory response, I saw that the die was 
cast, and that Leopold and I must throw in our 
lots together. 

The hours of that eventful evening dragged 
on with leaden feet. Leopold was to come 
and fetch me at half -past twelve, and I retired to 
bed early in order to disarm the suspicions of 
my maid, who slept in the next room to mine. 



260 MY OWN STORY 

Directly I thought she was asleep, I got out 
of bed and dressed very quietly, hardly daring 
to move. As the weather was bitterly cold, I 
put on a thick black serge gown, with an astra- 
chan muff and boa, and a felt hat swathed with 
a heavy crepe veil completed my costume. I 
collected all my jewels, three changes of under- 
linen, some stockings and handkerchiefs, with 
a few toilet necessaries, and packed them in a 
small valise. I had hardly finished my simple 
preparations before Leopold came to the door, 
which I opened softly, and we crept in our 
stockinged feet along the icy salon. 

The distance to my brother's apartments 
seemed interminable; we passed cautiously 
through the State rooms, and down the haunted 
picture gallery, where, by the moon's rays I 
could see the portraits of my Habsburg ances- 
tors looking down at their fugitive descendants. 
The faces seemed, in my overwrought state, 
to wear a look of cynical amusement; indeed, 
so lifelike did they appear, that I should not 
have been in the least surprised to have seen 
some of them step out of their frames and 
speak to us. 

At last we reached Leopold's room, and then 
we crept down the staircase, hardly daring to 



MY OWN STORY 261 

breathe, and starting at the night noises which 
are so peculiar to ancient buildings, when joints 
crack, and boards complain, and strange insects 
tick and crawl behind the panelling. Leopold 
unlocked a door at the foot of the staircase and 
we found ourselves outside in the great square of 
Salzburg. It was very still, and the bright moon- 
light flooded the snow which covered the ground ; 
the cold was intense, sixteen degrees below zero, 
and everything looked imreal and unearthly. 

As I gazed up at the shuttered windows of the 
sleeping palace, I thought with a pang, that I 
was making another farewell, and taking another 
step towards the unknown. Ferdinand of 
Bulgaria's half-jesting remark about the nice 
little plants grown at Salzburg flashed across my 
mind, and I thought, with sad irony, that one 
plant at least had had a painful uprooting. It 
did not flourish where it was transplanted, and 
when it wished once again to take root in the old 
garden, there was no room for it. 

A closed carriage with swift horses was wait- 
ing for us, and we drove off at full speed to a 
wayside station three hours' distance from 
Salzburg; there we caught the Vienna express 
to Zurich, and another turn in fortune's wheel 
was accomplished. 



CHAPTER XVI 



/ arrive at Zurich — My future sister-in-law — A rude 
awakening — My terrible position — The only way — 
M. Giron joins me — A wild goose chase — The secret 
police — Their fruitless journey — Legal proceedings 
commence. 



263 



CHAPTER XVI 



"X A 7"E reached Zurich the same evening at five 
o'clock, and it was not until I found my- 
self actually in Switzerland that I felt safe from 
pursuit and capture. My brother, however, was 
kindness itself, and tried to make me look on the 
bright side of things; directly we arrived at 
Zurich he wired to my father that we had gone 
to Switzerland, and intended to remain there. 

I seemed to exist in a kind of waking dream; 
I had now indeed crossed the Rubicon, and I 
realised that I had burnt a good many of my 
boats. When the ordinary woman flees from 
the conventions, she is after all only going 
further into a world with which she is already 
acquainted; I was in the position of an explorer, 
and I endured many of the sufferings which 
invariably fall to the lot of the pioneer. 

When I found myself on the platform at Zurich, 

I grasped the fact that I was only a unit in the 

htirry and bustle around me. I thought of the 

265 



266 MY OWN STORY 

ceremony which usually attends the arrival of 
royalty at a railway station; but for me there 
was no reception, no red carpet, and no friends 
or relatives to meet me. No one was aware 
that the black-robed unhappy-looking woman 
and the handsome young man who accompanied 
her were the Crown Princess of Saxony and 
her brother the Archduke Leopold. 

We drove at once to the hotel, and, utterly 
wearied in body and mind, I threw myself on the 
bed, and sobbed bitterly. Here again, every- 
thing was strange to me. I missed my creature 
comforts, for I had no maid to arrange my things, 
no satin dressing-gown to slip on, no cry st al- 
and-silver bottles full of fragrant essences to 
relieve my throbbing head, nothing of my own 
except what was contained in the unimportant 
looking valise which had been placed in a comer 
of the room. 

I contrasted the hotel bedroom with my own 
room at Dresden, which was replete with every 
comfort dear to the heart of a delicately nurtured 
woman, and, as the material side of things pre- 
sented itself, a wave of hatred swept over me, 
and for the first time since my marriage I dis- 
liked my husband. It was, perhaps, only the 
condition which occasionally manifests itself 



MY OWN STORY 267 

during pregnancy, when the mother is seized 
with an inexplicable antipathy to the father of 
her child; but apart from this there was an 
undercurrent of angry revolt at Frederick- 
August's weakness and lack of perception of 
my troubles, and these unhappy feelings were 
doubtless intensified by my strange surround- 
ings. 

I do not know how long I continued to indulge 
in this painful retrospection, but I must have 
dozed off at last, for I was aroused by the open- 
ing of my door. The electric lights were switched 
on, and when I raised myself to see who the 
intruder was, I encountered the gaze of a pair of 
Madonna-like eyes in a beautiful face framed 
with masses of magnificent Titian-red hair. 
The newcomer was obviously not of my world, 
but I was not left long in doubt of her identity, 
for she introduced herself to me as my brother 
Leopold's future wife. 

I was taken aback. I had not expected this, 
and I did not want it. I knew, indeed, that 
Leopold had fallen in love with a beautiful girl 
of the people, but it never crossed my mind that 
he intended to marry her, and I felt instinctively 
that her arrival in our midst would upset all 
my plans. 



268 MY OWN STORY 

I tried, however, to disguise my annoyance, 
and to put some warmth into my greeting, but 
she was quite impossible, and I subsequently 
discovered that she had not even been trained 
in the rudiments of the art of behaving at table. 

Fortunately, there was not the faintest sus- 
picion of our identity, and after the unsophis- 
ticated young woman had gone to bed, Leopold 
and I sat up all night discussing our plans with 
the result that I received another shock. I had 
had the most absolute conviction until that 
moment that Leopold would make his home 
with me in Switzerland until the death of my 
father-in-law should make my return to Saxony 
possible; and he had never given me the slightest 
hint that he had other views. Imagine my sur- 
prise when he told me, after much hesitation, 
that it would be quite impossible for us to carry 
out our original idea, as he intended to marry 
almost at once, and that this step would, of 
course, involve him in endless business matters. 

"I firmly believe, Louisa," he said, "that 
though you are safe for the moment, it is only 
for the moment, and that you will eventually be 
forced to return to Dresden. You idolise your 
children to such an extent that they will be 
employed as the lure to get you back, and once 



MY OWN STORY 269 

back, you will (especially after this escapade) 
be consigned to a madhouse." 

On hearing these terribly candid words, I 
quite broke down, and I think my abject distress 
touched my brother's heart. He assured me 
that he had no intention of leaving me then and 
there, and that he would continue to protect me 
and my interests. I did not reproach him with 
his broken promises; I felt too stimned, and 
said wearily that I must take an hour's rest, 
and endeavour to face the new aspect of the 
situation with all the calmness and fortitude I 
could muster. 

I fully appreciated the fact that I had no 
home, and no friends with whom I could take 
shelter, even if they dared offer it. I stood 
alone, buffeted by the waves of intrigue, and I 
realised that I, a totally inexperienced woman, 
should now be forced to fight my enemies a 
outrance. 

The winter dawn was just breaking when I 
rettuned to my room, and as I wondered whether 
it would be the precursor of many hopeless days, 
despair overcame me, and I had an impulse to 
put an end to my troubles by self-destruction, 
but the next instant I thought of my unborn 
child, and the dreadful feeling passed. The 



270 MY^,OWN STORY 

flood-gates of my tears were opened, and the 
icy bands round my spirit thawed as I wept, 
remembering that after all I had still something 
to live for. In five months I should be no longer 
alone, little hands would clasp mine, innocent 
eyes would meet my loving gaze, and I should 
also have a confidant who, being unable to talk, 
would be incapable of betraying my secrets. 
This quieter mood came as a blessing, enab- 
ling me to get a little ^sleep which I sorely 
needed, but when I awoke my fears were re- 
doubled. 

Leopold's fiancee was so gauche and exas- 
perating that she aggravated my nervous con- 
dition tenfold. I think the poor thing really 
meant well, but when she treated me as a 
princess her behaviour was laughable, and when 
she treated me as an equal, she was still more 
ridiculous. Leopold, always excitable, was now 
more so than ever; he kept on telling me that 
my doom was sealed in Dresden, and he pictured 
the horrors of my fate. 

In fact, everything conspired to upset my 
mental balance, and there can be no doubt 
that I entirely lost my sense of proportion, and 
worked myself up into a needless state of terror. 
The ever-recurrent idea of the Maison de Sante 



I 



MY OWN oTORY 271 

becaxne a perfect obsession and upset my usual 
calmness of mind. 

At last, after much fruitless cogitation, I took 
a desperate resolve, and one fraught with dis- 
astrous consequences. I decided that the only- 
way out of the impasse in which I found myself, 
was to take some action which would effectually 
prevent my returning to Dresden, even as the 
victim of my triumphant enemies. What could 
I do? Defiance would not serve my purpose, 
any appeal to my husband would be overruled, 
and I shrank from the thought of appealing to 
the public. What else remained? Suddenly the 
solution flashed through my mind, I seemed to 
hear the words, "Compromise yourself"; and to 
the voice which whispered within me I answered, 
"With whom?" 

I knew well that I had been accused of having 
secret love affairs, and I had been contemp- 
tuously amused when I heard the scandalous 
gossip, for, as I never went anywhere without 
a lady-in-waiting, and always occupied the same 
room as my husband, such ridiculous lies seemed 
beneath refutation. But now I thought of the 
one person who had already suffered through his 
friendship with me, and who had sworn, in an 
impulsive fashion, to dedicate himself to my 



272 MY OWN STORY 

service, no matter when and how I required 
it. This was M. Giron, who at the moment 
represented my only hope of safety from my 
father-in-law, and the horrors of a Maison de 
Sante. 

I considered this daring expedient all day, 
and asked Leopold his opinion about it. He did 
not discourage me, partly because the unusual 
always appealed to him, but mainly because his 
one wish was to be free to live his life with the 
woman of his choice, unenctimbered by any 
family tie in the shape of a runaway sister. 

Let the world judge what must have been the 
state of my mind, when my terror of my enemies 
was so great that it impelled me to sacrifice my 
reputation in order to escape from them. The 
Habsburgs have always been accounted light 
livers and light lovers, but I had never had any 
inclination to emulate my forebears ; I certainly 
was in love with love because it represented 
to me much that was beautiful and happy, 
but I had never dreamed hitherto of betraying 
my husband, or forfeiting the respect of my 
children. 

I was perfectly aware that once the step was 
taken it could not be retraced; I saw myself as 
the centre of scandal, pointed at as an unfaithful 



MY OWN STORY 273 

wife and a heartless mother. I fancied I could 
hear the coarse, indecent gossip that would 
inevitably circulate, and I felt myself already 
enrolled in the ranks of that vast army of women 
who have been sacrificed at the altar of their 
affections. 

The ordinary woman has only to face the 
condemnation of her own circle when she out- 
rages the proprieties. I was in a far worse pre- 
dicament, for I am related to many of the royal 
families of Europe, and I had to reckon with 
the Emperor Francis- Joseph, who, as the head 
of the Habsburgs, sits like Olympian Jove, 
hurling the thunderbolts of banishment and loss 
of rank and dignities at the rebellious and way- 
ward members of his house. There was also 
the glaring publicity that would inevitably be 
given to my conduct by every newspaper in 
the world. 

Apart from the fall which I knew I must 
suffer, I was full of grief at the idea of causing 
my father any pain, and, as this troubled me 
deeply, I resolved to make one last appeal 
to my parents. I therefore telegraphed to 
them, begging to be allowed to return home. 
I awaited the reply with indescribable anxiety, 
and at last it came. With trembling fingers 



274 My OWN STORY 

I opened the telegram, and read the words 
which sealed my fate : 

"Nous avons d'autres enfants, nous ne 
pouvons pas nous occuper de Toi." 

I saw nothing left for me but to summon M. 
Giron, and he lost no time in hurrying to Zurich. 
He was at first most unwilling to let me make the 
sacrifice I proposed, but I reminded him of his 
promises, and held him to his word. Looking 
back with matured, sober judgment I can see 
that I was entirely misguided in my method of 
defying fate; but my explanation must be that 
my mind was then unfitted to judge of the real 
seriousness of my act. We Habsburgs never 
meet the right person at the right time to save 
us from ourselves, although in truth I must say 
that we are the most difficult mortals to influence 
when once we have decided on pursuing our 
own course. 

A conclave between Leopold, M. Giron, and 
myself resulted in our deciding to leave Zurich 
for Geneva without loss of time. We drew up 
a telegram to Herr von Tumpling, the Chamber- 
lain at Dresden, in which I said that I had 
decided never to return to Dresden. The form 
was posted to a friend of M. Giron's at Brussels, 
and despatched from there to throw the Court 



MY OWN STORY 275 

off the scent, and to enable us to cover up 
our tracks. 

My telegram produced a feeling of utter con- 
sternation at the palace, although the people 
were kept in ignorance that anything unusual 
had occurred. Bulletins from Salzburg were 
issued to the effect that I was confined to my 
room with a, severe cold, and the Dresden 
newspapers copied these reports. Everything 
was done to prevent a scandal, and Frau von 
Fritsch and Herr von Tumpling, accompanied 
by a perfect retinue of footmen, maids, and 
luggage, set out at frantic speed for Brussels in 
the vain hope of discovering my whereabouts. 
The secret police searched every hotel, but to 
no purpose, and at last the much chagrined 
Royal retinue had to return to Dresden. A 
five days ' search then took place all over 
Germany, and when Switzerland was finally 
discovered to be my place of concealment, the 
services of the German secret police were enlisted 
in order to effect my arrest. Their predicament 
when they reached Geneva was something like 
that of the soldiers in the unfortunate Helder 
expedition, when: 

The mighty Duke of York 
He had ten thousand men: 



276 MY OWN STORY 

He marched them up to the top of the hill 
And he marched them down again. 
And when they were up, they were up, 
And when they were down, they were down, 
And when they were only half-way up, 
They were neither up nor down. 

The secret police of Berlin have a stupendous 
notion of their own importance, and this makes 
them perfectly oblivious of the laws of any 
other country except Germany, and I have no 
doubt they believe they could arrest the Pope 
himself merely by demanding admittance to 
the Vatican in the name of William II. 

When the officers arrived at Geneva, they 
were, according to their own idea, absolute 
masters of the situation. They were greatly 
perturbed, however, when they alighted from the 
train, to encounter the Swiss Police who explained 
(waiving any question of an official introduction) 
that they must at once return to Berlin, as no 
one, be it prince or peasant, can be arrested by 
foreign police in Geneva. The emissaries were 
therefore forced to beat a somewhat undignified 
retreat, much to their annoyance and disgust. 

M. Adrien Lachenal acted as my lawyer 
at Geneva. He is a most charming and highly 
intelligent man who did his utmost on my 
behalf. I also employed a lawyer from Leipzig, 



MY OWN STORY 277 

Dr. Zehme, and another lawyer represented me 
at Dresden. Everything was in perfect chaos, 
but I steadfastly set my face against the idea of 
a divorce, and only urged the necessity for a 
separation; all I said was misrepresented to 
my husband, and I saw that my enemies were 
resolved to move heaven and earth to prevent 
a rapprochement. 



CHAPTER XVII 



Aprhs mot le Deluge — The people's sympathy — The stone' 
throwers — Blind justice — Money versus honour — The 
letter that never reached me — / enter La Maiterie — 
Bolts and bars — A plague of nurses — Cold food but 
comforting chocolate — A spirit in prison — I look far 
back — My awakening. 



279 



CHAPTER XVII 



"\ A /"HEN the people of Saxony knew that I had 
' actually left Dresden, their excitement 
and anger were such as to baffle description, 
and everything possible had to be done by the 
authorities to restore quiet. My flight was 
attributed to the treatment I had experienced 
from my father-in-law and the priests; and 
members of the Royal Family were obliged to 
keep indoors, so great was the outcry against 
them. 

A black cat was killed, and its skin, after being 
turned inside out, was hung at the entrance of 
the King's Palace, and above it was nailed a 
card bearing these words : 

" Be careful ; this will be your fate 
at our hands." 

Mathilde was afraid to walk out; and even 
poor King Albert's place of burial was seized 
by the mob. 

Another placard, fixed outside the church, 
intimated that the people regretted their beloved 

281 



282 MY OWN STORY 

King was no more, and hinted that my father- 
in-law would not be missed by his subjects were 
he within the tomb instead. 

The ** manifesto" ended with the words: 
"The old King stirs in his coffin with indigna- 
tion at the fate of his Louisa." 

Thousands of persons marched to the palace to 
demand an explanation of my flight, but the 
outer gates were closed; at last there was fighting 
in the streets, as the crowd tried to force an 
entrance, and was opposed by the police and 
the troops. For some time passions ran high, 
and above the tumult the insistent cry of "Bring 
us back our Louisa," must have reached the 
ears of niy enemies within the gates, and driven 
home to them the truth that I was not without 
friends in Saxony. 

Frau von Fritsch was stoned when she showed 
herself in the streets ; a novel experience for her, 
no doubt, for, although she was an adept stone- 
thrower herself, I am sure this was the first time 
in her life that she had ever been the recipient 
of tangible missiles. 

George von Metzsch was warned by"anonym- 
ous letters to keep out of sight, for if he fell into 
the hands of the mob he would be at once "torn 
to pieces." The situation became so menacing 



MY OWN STORY S85 

that it was absolutely necessary for legal steps 
to be taken against me as soon as possible. 

It is universally known that divorce is not 
recognised by the Roman Catholic Church, and 
as no Austrian archduchess is ever married 
civilly, it was somewhat difficult for my father- 
in-law and his advisers to find a way out of the 
impasse. Divorce proceedings were eventually 
based on the document signed by my father and 
the Emperor of Austria ; and that, and the Deed 
of Renunciation, were the only written evidences 
of a marriage-contract. A special case was, 
therefore, arranged on those lines, and a divorce 
was pronounced without the sanction of my 
father or the Emperor. The clauses were 
modelled on those of ordinary divorce petitions, 
which could not, of course, apply to members 
of the Imperial House of Austria, who are not 
under the jurisdiction of any court. 

My father-in-law, always original in his meth- 
ods, was particularly so in the matter of my 
divorce, calling together a special tribunal of 
his own, regardless of the illegalities involved. 

This throws an interesting light on the medi- 
eval methods prevalent in Saxony, for in no 
other civilised country would it be possible to 
convene such a tribunal. The King proposed 



286 MY OWN STORY 

to enact the r61e of Lord Chief Justice, and 
appointed twelve judges under him, but at the 
last moment his courage failed. Perhaps he 
was confronted by visions of disapproving saints, 
and he therefore summoned the faithful Von 
Metzsch, and told him that he must do all the 
unsavoury work because, as a fervent Catholic, 
my father-in-law was greatly perturbed at the 
idea of a divorce, and was also apprehensive as 
to the attitude of the Vatican. 

This extraordinary court of justice was an 
absolute farce. Quantities of forged letters were 
produced purporting to have been written by 
me, but even the limited intelligence of the 
judges convened failed to see how I could 
possibly have penned all the letters attributed 
to me, for, had I done so, I should have had 
to write for years from morning to night without 
a moment to eat, sleep, or dress. The saddest 
and most disgraceful part of the whole thing 
was the bribery which was resorted to in order 
to obtain possession of some of my correspond- 
ence so as to forge letters full of my intimate 
tournure de phrases and the most striking 
peculiarities of my caligraphy. Unforttmately, 
money triimiphed over honour, and my enemies 
were able to secure a great many private letters 



MY OWN STORY 287 

written to certain persons whom I had trusted 
and befriended. 

I was desperately unhappy, and, in addition;to 
my mental misery, I was subjected to a positive 
persecution from newspaper reporters. I have 
always refused to be interviewed, and the many 
so-called interviews with me, alleged to have 
taken place in Switzerland and elsewhere, were 
baseless fabrications. 

I remember on one occasion being confronted 
by a reporter who represented an American jour- 
nal. As I came out of my room, he approached 
me and said, without preamble: "Say, Princess, 
I 've the power to cover this stairway with 
bank-notes for you to walk on if you will just 
let me have a few words with you. Is it a deal?" 

I took no notice of him, but this was only one 
of many worries ; and the constant strain, added 
to my delicate health, made me feel on the verge 
of a bad nervous breakdown. 

M. Giron did not remain long in Switzerland. 
My reputation being thoroughly compromised 
by his presence, my object was achieved, and 
he therefore returned to Brussels. 

In February, 1903, I heard that my beloved 
"Tia" was dangerously ill and, torn with de- 
sperate anxiety, I wired to my husband and 



288 MY OWN STORY 

begged him, as a most unhappy mother, to 
allow me to see my child. Frederick- August did 
not reply himself; the cruel answer came from 
Von Metzsch, and it was No. Von Metzsch 
added that if !• attempted to see "Tia" I should 
be immediately arrested on the frontier. 

That almost broke my spirit. I had never 
until then believed the world was so hard, and 
the knowledge of my forlorn and friendless state 
caused me the most poignant anguish. My 
thoughts always reverted to my husband, and I 
constantly wondered of what he was thinking, 
and how the days passed for him. A thousand 
times I longed to see him, to be forgiven and 
sheltered from the indignities which now fell 
to my lot, and I hoped against hope that Fred- 
erick-August would assert himself and save 
me, even though the eleventh hour had passed. 
It is only right that I should here defend my 
husband, whose seeming attitude of indifference 
to my sufferings has been strongly commented 
upon. I know now, when it is too late, that he 
sent Herr von Tiimpling expressly to Geneva 
with a letter in which he urgently begged me to 
return to him with his complete assurance that 
all would be well. 

His contemptible emissary remained in 



MY OWN STORY 289 

Geneva for three days, but always evaded my 
efforts to see him though I wrote and asked 
for an interview. It seems incredible that 
such base measures were employed to prevent 
my husband and myself from ever arriving at 
an understanding, but I owe it to Frederick- 
August to tell the world that he was willing to 
forget the past, and it affords me a certain sad 
pleasure to think that, although his letter never 
reached me, it was most certainly written. 

I was, in addition to my other troubles, greatly 
perplexed as to ways and means; and I had to 
face financial worries, an experience I had never 
hitherto known. I asked for my allowance, 
but it was refused, and I knew it was worse than 
useless to appeal for help to Salzburg. My 
lawyer, M. Lachenal, tried to persuade me 
that, as I required perfect rest of mind and 
body, the best thing I cotild do was to go into 
a private nursing home until matters could be 
arranged, and I decided to follow his advice and 
enter "La Maiterie, near Nyon, a few miles from 
Geneva. 

Just before leaving, I saw Professor Jentzer, 
who came for the express purpose of telling me 
that he had received a letter from the powers at 
Dresden asking him to certify that I was not 



290 MY OWN STORY 

enceinte when I left Saxony, and offering him a 
very large sum of money if he complied with 
this outrageous request. He told me that he 
had left the letter unanswered, and added: 
"I would never lend myself to such an infamous 
thing." 

M. Lachenal made all the preparations for 
my departure, and as Leopold also strongly 
approved of it, I ended by thinking that it 
might probably be all for the best. 

On the morning of February 6th, I left Geneva 
by train accompanied by Leopold, Dr. Zehme 
(my Saxon lawyer) , and Dr. Jentzer, the head of 
the Maternity Hospital in Geneva. We reached 
Nyon, where a carriage awaited us; it was a 
sullen, depressing day; the skies were overcast, a 
persistent drizzling rain fell steadily, and, as the 
carriage was somewhat small, we were packed, a 
damp, uncomfortable mass of humanity, inside. 

La Maiterie is situated near the Lake; it lies 
in a plain surrounded by park and pasture land, 
and my first glimpse of it through the steady 
downpour showed a large house and several 
small villas. On our arrival I was introduced to 
the resident physician, Dr. Martin, a charming 
man, somewhat unkempt and shaggy in appear- 
ance, but with a heart of gold. Professor Forel, 



MY OWN STORY 291 

head of the Asylimi for the Insane, was also in 
attendance; he is, I beHeve, the greatest brain 
speciahst in Switzerland, and he is also an 
authority on natural history. Directly I heard 
his name it seemed strangely familiar to me, and 
I suddenly recollected that he was always being 
quoted by Mathilde as the one man in the world 
who knew all about the antics of ants. 

Dr. Martin told me I must sign a paper saying 
that I wished voluntarily to enter La Maiterie, 
and that I agreed to give myself up to the care 
of himself and his colleague. Something intui- 
tively warned me that it would be as well if I 
did NOT sign any paper, and I therefore firmly 
refused to do so; I agreed, however, to allow 
my lawyer to prepare a document saying that 
I was willing to stop at the "Home," but only 
so long as I wished, and not a single day longer. 
This was accordingly done. A smart nurse in 
uniform was sent for by Dr. Martin, and after 
I had said good-bye to Leopold and the lawyers, 
I was taken to the little villa where my rooms 
had been prepared. 

I was very tired, but my natural curiosity 
forced me to display some interest in my strange 
surroundings, and, as I was crossing a corridor, 
I was startled by a succession of piercing shrieks 



292 MY OWN STORY 

proceeding from a room opposite. I stopped, 
half afraid, and turned to the nurse to inquire 
the cause. 

She looked at me in rather an amused way, 
and then said with complete indifference: "That 
noise? Oh, that 's only a Polish count who has 
been here for the last thirty-five years!" 

Up to now I had believed La Maiterie was a 
nursing home; now I knew, with feelings of 
indescribable horror, that it was a lunatic 
asylum. 

I thought the shock would have killed me. 
Here was I in the very place I most dreaded 
in the world — a Maison de Sante — through fear 
of which I had sacrificed my reputation. This 
last irony of fate was too much for my over- 
wrought nerves and, utterly worn out and 
crushed, I went into the villa, sank into a chair, 
unable to speak, and almost fainted from 
exhaustion. I looked at the windows: they were 
barred, and a glance into my bedroom showed 
that there also I was a prisoner. Who, save 
myself, or any one who has experienced what I 
did can realise the horror of such surroundings? 
I yearned for merciful oblivion to come, and for 
a time obliterate the terror of bolts and bars, 
but instead of oblivion, every faculty I possessed 



MY OWN STORY 293 

seemed more keenly alert than ever. I suffered 
such agonies that the recollection of them, even 
to-day, makes me shudder again, and thank 
God for freedom! 

I asked the nurse for something to eat, and 
after an interminable time various enamelled 
dishes were brought containing chilled, badly 
cooked, unappetising food, the sight of which 
nauseated me, and effectually subdued any 
desire to eat. I was given a common spoon, 
but no knife or fork, and the simplest comforts 
of an ordinary meal were lacking. I turned 
away with repugnance, and a sense of revolt 
against life seized me, and, like Job, I almost 
wished to ctirse God and die, so lonely and 
heart-broken did I feel. But even as I wept, 
little tender lips seemed to kiss away my tears. 
I imagined I felt soft clinging arms round my 
neck, and I pictured innocent eyes looking at 
me with that wisdom of all the ages which is 
only seen in the eyes of a young child. A voice 
seemed to whisper, bidding me be consoled, 
for out of much suffering I should find much 
joy, and also to take courage for the sake of 
that little being I should very soon bring into 
the world. 

Comforted and reassured, I dried my tears 



^94 ^Y OWN STORY 

and proceeded to examine my rooms which, 
except for the "locked in" feeling that per- 
vaded the whole villa, were quite cosy and 
tastefully furnished, and if I was barred in, the 
outside world was most effectually barred out — 
a consoling thought after my hotel experiences. 

Dr. Martin suggested that I should have two 
nurses, but I declined his offer, for there is 
probably no being so unsympathetic and tact- 
less as the average mental nurse, and I was 
anxious to keep them at a distance. The more 
I saw of the nurses during my stay at La Mai- 
terie, the more I detested them; with very 
few exceptions they were totally unsuited by 
temperament to look after the poor sufferers 
under their care. Their one and only idea 
seemed to be that, as the patients were insane, 
anything was good enough for them, and it 
mattered not how rudely or unkindly they 
were addressed. 

It was the old, old story of the tyranny of 
the strong, and I was curiously interested to 
observe how nurses of common origin seem 
positively to delight in annoying and goading 
the unfortunate ladies placed in their charge; 
it proved to me that the hatred of the lower 
orders for the aristocracy is ineradicable, for 



MY OWN STORY 295 

ever smouldering, and needing very little to 
fan it into a flame. 

My maid, however, was kindness itself, and 
every morning at seven o'clock she prepared 
me a refreshing cup of chocolate, which was 
the only warm, comforting nourishment I had 
during the whole day. 

The doctors paid me regular visits twice a 
day, and at odd times whenever they deemed 
it advisable. At first I was only allowed to 
walk in the grounds with a nurse, but I could 
not endure such a trial to my patience and 
intelligence. I told Dr. Martin that I preferred 
my maid as a companion, and the kind man 
permitted me to dispense with the nurse's 
society. 

The inmate of the room next to mine was 
a lady suffering from acute mania, and I heard 
endless noises and shrieks which made the long 
hours hideous. The nights were terrible; apart 
from the disturbance near me, my own sad 
thoughts prevented me from sleeping, and I 
indulged in retrospective reveries. At times I 
was a girl with papa, happy and free, inhaling 
the pure icy mountain air, and tracking the 
chamois. Again I was at the Hofburg, sur- 
rounded by splendour and gaiety; I could see 



296 MY OWN STORY 

the shimmer of costly fabrics, and the glitter of 
jewels; I listened to voluptuous music; I was 
sought after and admired, and I held pride 
of place as an Archduchess of the House of 
Habsburg. 

Then the scene changed to Dresden. I was 
again the young bride in love with love and life, 
the happy mother, the idolised princess ; but just 
as I dwelt with happiness, a piercing shriek 
dispelled the visions of the past, and I started 
in renewed agony of mind as I again realised 
that now I was a lonely woman whose only 
shelter was a madhouse. 



CHAPTER XVIII 



/ leave La Maiterie — A reconciliation with my parents — 
Birth oj Monica — The chalet at Wartegg — / interview 
the Socialist leaders — The Red Queen — Death of my 
father-in-law; his remorse — Hope deferred — The ec- 
centricities of the Habsburgs — The Story of John 
Orth — "/ will return." 



297 



CHAPTER XVIII 



T REMAINED at La Maiterie until March i, 
1903, when I wrote to papa telling him how 
much I had endured and suffered since I left 
Salzburg, and begging him to relent and show me 
some kindness. My letter touched him ; perhaps 
he understood at last what I had gone through, 
and his affection for me overcame his disapproval 
of the course I had adopted. I was accordingly 
informed that I could go to Lindau and stay 
there as long as I liked. 

I was deeply touched and grateful for papa's 
kindness, and lost no time in leaving the Maison 
de Sante. When I arrived at Lindau, I found 
mamma awaiting me. It was a painful meeting 
for us, and she remained only a few days, 
returning later when Monica was born on May 4, 
1903. I was dreadfully ill, for inexorable Nature 
demanded from me the toll I had levied on my 
constitution and nervous system. I also endured 
that bitterness which only the heart knows, and 
I wondered if, in the days to come, my child 

299 



300 MY OWN STORY 

would still love me when she heard how much 
the world had condemned her mother. Poor 
little princess! There was no father to kiss 
and fondle her, like the other babies ; no beautiful 
christening robes of lace, and no elaborate 
ceremonial for Monica. There was just the 
mother who idolised her, but who dreaded the 
future, for the joy of undisputed possession 
was clouded with the fear of possible separation. 

I stayed at Lindau for six weeks, and then I 
took my baby to the Chateau de Ronno d 
Amplepuis, which I had rented from the Com- 
tesse de St. Victor. It was a tumble-down old 
house, infested with rats and mice, and after 
remaining there for five months I went to the 
Isle of Wight, where I lived until June, 1904. 

Monica was the sweetest child in the world; 
beautiful and extraordinarily precocious. She 
seemed to notice everything that went on, and 
the dear little soul lavished all her affection on 
me. Gradually I seemed recalled to life, and 
with renewed interests came renewed hopes. 
My temperament was always buoyant, and I 
imagined that Frederick- August would take 
some step which would change everything and 
restore me to my old position. 

In June, 1904, the Diike of Parma lent me a 




Photo by Paul Labhart, Rorschach. 



MONICA 
SEPTEMBER, 1906 



301 



MY OWN STORY 303 

chalet in the park at Wartegg, and there both 
my parents visited me, and I resumed to some 
extent my affectionate relations with papa, who 
was philosophic enough to believe in the truth 
of the words, "Tout comprendre, c 'est tout 
pardonner." I was almost happy in those days, 
and as papa very generously provided me with 
horses, carriages, and servants, all that I had to 
pay was household expenses. 

I had a very curious experience at Wartegg, 
which offered me an opportunity for revenge of 
which I did not avail myself. 

One day I was told that two men wished to 
see me on urgent and private business. When 
I received them, they informed me that they were 
the leaders of the Socialist Party in Saxony, 
and that their errand might lead to important 
results if I cared to consider their proposals. 
I was naturally interested, and begged them 
to enlighten me. 

"Imperial Highness," said the man who 
appeared to be the chief person in authority, 
"we have come to ask you to rettirn to Dresden 
under our protection. We have, I can truthfully 
assure you, the power to overthrow the existing 
regime. Our plans were carefully laid long 
ago, and the moment is ripe for their execution. 



304 MY OWN STORY 

Come back with us, avenge yourself on your 
enemies, and you will become the Red Queen 
of Saxony, owning the allegiance of the Saxon 
populace, who have always been faithful and 
devoted to you. We know the weak points of 
the Constitution, and we are assured that you, 
and you alone, really understand the needs of 
the people. We will give you back your children, 
and you shall be happy once more. Do not 
refuse," urged the man, who seemed profoundly 
moved; "obey the dictates of your heart, and 
do not suffer any further martyrdom at the hands 
of Von Metzsch. Return, 'Our Louisa'; thou- 
sands of arms are already outstretched in wel- 
come; thousands of voices are ready to acclaim 
you. Come back and carry out those reforms 
which we know you have always favoured. 
Destroy the power of the priests, and cleanse 
the Court of the plague of parasites and liars, 
who have sought to destroy you." 

I was deeply affected, and for one moment I 
allowed myself to imagine the luxury of revenge ; 
but my better self triumphed, and I said very 
quietly and decidedly: "I thank you from the 
bottom of my heart for your offer, but I cannot 
accept it. True, I have suffered unjustly, but 
if I bought revenge, consider the price I should 



MY OWN STORY 305 

have to pay. It would be far too costly, as it 
would entail the degradation of my husband, and 
I will never be a party to injuring him. He has 
been forced to act against his inclinations, and 
I understand and do not blame him. The 
authors of my downfall are the King and Von 
Metzsch. The King will soon render his account 
to a Higher Power, who will mete out his judg- 
ment. I therefore leave my father-in-law to 
God. Baron von Metzsch will live on in fancied 
security, but the day will come when my injuries 
will cry out against him. My friends, I await 
that day in patience and — I am content to wait." 

The Socialists seemed much impressed, but 
they could not conceal their disappointment 
at my non-compliance with their wishes. The 
episode showed me how much the people loved 
me, and it was a source of the greatest consola- 
tion to my heart. 

On October 15, 1904, my father-in-law died, 
after much suffering. He was unable to lie down 
owing to dreadful fits of suffocation, and I am 
told it was pitiable to see the fanatical old man 
gasping for breath in his chair. When he felt 
that his hour had come he asked to see me, and 
said he could not die peacefully unless I were 
brought to him. Von Metzsch was repeatedly 



3o6 



MY OWN STORY 



urged by the dying monarch to send for me, 
but, although he promised to do so, he never 
intended that we should meet this side of the 
grave. 

The King asked my husband to arrange mat- 
ters, but Frederick- August was told that his 
father was the victim of delusions, and that when 
he was in complete possession of his faculties 
my name was never mentioned by him. By 
those hours of torturing remorse I was avenged 
for the years of suffering my father-in-law 
inflicted on me, and I have learned to pardon 
some things due to his bigoted fanaticism which 
extinguished his better nature. 

I sent a wreath inscribed "Louisa" on the 
day before his funeral, and when it was brought 
into the death-chamber, some of the zealous 
Court officials decided that it had better be 
removed. The matter was mentioned to my 
husband, and he was asked if he wished the 
wreath returned to me. 

' ' Certainly not , ' ' said Frederick- August. ' ' Let 
the wreath remain where it is," and for those 
kindly words I have often inwardly thanked 
him. 

I had always hoped, and so did my family, 
that directly my husband became King of 



MY OWN STORY 307 

Saxony, he would free himself from the influence 
of his entourage, and that better days would be 
in store for me. Alas ! when a pliant nature is 
dominated by unscrupulous men, it has little 
or no chance of escaping from their toils. 
Although Frederick-August was now a King 
and could do all, he did not at this crisis dare 
all, and things remained as before. 

I was bitterly disappointed, and I saw that I 
must face the future alone, so as I have always 
been prompt to act, I decided to make a home 
for myself and Monica in Italy. 



Leopold's marriage had not been a success, for, 
like most of the members of my house, he seems 
to be very unlucky in love; indeed, in the ordi- 
nary affairs of life our family rarely does any- 
thing in the accepted way, and we afford a 
fascinating study for those interested in heredity. 
It has always been usual to judge us Habsburgs 
as perfectly normal beings, who do astounding 
things solely because it pleases us; and our 
mania for self-effacement is, perhaps, the most 
curious of our idiosyncrasies. It seems to me 
that, at certain crises in our lives, we are seized 
by abnormal and slumbering forces which tem- 



3o8 MY OWN STORY 

porarily create neurotic disturbances, under the 
influence of which we commit acts of impulse 
that frequently have lifelong consequences. Our 
position does not allow us to have any really 
intimate friends who could persuade or influence 
us in a nerve storm, and the result is that a 
Habsburg generally seeks counsel from a Habs- 
burg, a course which seldom makes for wise 
decisions. 

As I have often speculated as to the cause of 
those "nerve storms" which plunge us into 
unhappiness and disaster, I feel I cannot do 
better than quote some observations communi- 
cated to a friend of mine by that distinguished 
young physician, Dr. W. Brown Thomson of 
London. 

"There can be no doubt that from Ferdinand 
I. of Austria, the son of a vicious father and an 
insane mother, Joanna the Mad, the House of 
Habsburg derives its psychoneurosis. Its insan- 
ity comes from the Spanish connection, and the 
symptoms were aggravated by marriages with 
the Bourbons, which brought in their train all 
the defects of character which marked that 
unstable though brilliant family. 

"Up to the time of Maria-Theresa, occasional 
attempts seem to have been made to counteract 



MY OWN STORY 309 

the deleterious influences of the Spanish connec- 
tion. A wife was chosen for the Emperor 
Charles from the healthy House of Bavaria, and 
in the offspring of this union, nine in number, 
there was no trace of the taint. This does not 
prove, however, that it was permanently eradi- 
cated; it was simply latent for the time being, 
as the normal element was powerful enough to 
hold the abnormal in check. The stock of this 
period bade fair to eliminate the diathesis, and 
might have done so had not the family tree been 
once more sapped by the marriage of Ferdinand 
III. with a princess of Spain, who was herself 
a normal individual, though the immediate 
result of the union was once more to fortify the 
attenuated taint. It is an axiom in heredity 
that the reappearance of any family taint among 
its descendants is in some degree proportionate 
to the frequency with which it has occurred 
among their ancestors. Bearing this in mind, it 
is not surprising to find a 'throw-back' in the 
offspring; and of the two children bom of the 
marriage in question, the species was perpetuated 
by Leopold, who, to say the least, was a man 
of weak constitution and eccentric disposition. 
His marriage with Magdalene-Therese was in 
every way commendable, since her lineage bore 



3IO MY OWN STORY 

no trace of the taint which characterised that of 
the Habsburgs. This augured well for the future, 
and one might without fear of contradiction 
regard this marriage as the dawning of a new 
era, and the consolidating of the hopes of the 
Habsburgs. 

" In the next generation there are evidences of 
the addition of further mental ballast, as the 
result of the marriage of the Emperor Charles 
VI. of Austria with Elizabeth of Brunswick, 
which progenated that famous Empress of 
Austria — Maria-Theresa — in whose person, and 
under whose sway, the Habsburgs reached the 
'highest pinnacle of their fame. 

"Originally a powerful and healthy stock, 
we have witnessed the contamination of the 
Habsburgs by the psychoneurosis of the Spanish 
royal family, which in its turn was counteracted 
by careful selection culminating in the birth of 
the brilliant Maria-Theresa, at which stage the 
Habsburg lineage would seem to have cleared 
itself of the taint which was so conspicuous in 
their ancestors. There can only be one explana- 
tion of this improvement, namely that it was the 
result of these happily-chosen alliances. 

"The second epoch of the Austrian Habsburgs 



MY OWN STORY 311 

shows the lamentable results of inbred marriages 
amongst tainted stock; and it is not to be 
wondered at that the offspring in the later 
generations appear in an unfavourable light. 
No greater handicap for the future of any 
generation can be imagined than to start life 
with an inheritance of neurosis or psychoneurosis 
from both parents and their collaterals. We 
have here a specific and defined inheritance 
displaying itself in insanity and epilepsy; or in 
the less-defined but nevertheless important series 
of manifestations grouped imder the heading 
of neurasthenia, which comprise insufficient will- 
power, nervous prostration, lack of mental 
concentration, self-effacement, hatred of sur- 
roundings, and an uncontrollable desire to shun 
the society of one's kind. There are, in addition, 
curious digressions of conduct, and variations of 
character, which are usually almost inexplicable, 
and seem to be automatically exercised. Yet at 
times these people would pass muster in the 
category of normal beings. Again, the pre- 
disposition may change in expression in the same 
generation as well as in separate generations. 
Thus we find insanity in the one generation 
followed by epilepsy, alcoholism, and libertinism 
in another. 



312 MY OWN STORY 

"The brain responds instinctively by feeling* 
and by reflex actions, to almost every influence 
outside it, and in these responses no two brains 
act alike. The equipment of the brain may work 
harmoniously for years, but under the strain of 
some constitutional crisis, the mental springs, 
strained beyond the limits of endurance, snap — 
and the inherited traits which have lain dormant 
for years will manifest themselves in one or other 
of the above ways. It is not the inherent desire 
to commit flagrant indiscretions, but an over- 
mastering wish to separate themselves from their 
surroundings that goads them to perform rash 
deeds, and all these phenomena are the result of 
an inherited neurosis in a constitution whose 
dynamical power is unstable and eccentric 

"With a heritage like that of the Habsburgs we 
can only expect disaster to follow disaster, and 
the seed sown in the varied strains of ancestry to 
manifest itself in the offspring. The House of 
Habsburg exemplifies the influence of that great 
law of heredity which is such an important factor 
in moulding the character of rulers, and in 
directing the destinies of their countries; and 
when we examine each link of the genealogical 
chain, and observe the appreciation or deprecia- 
tion of the offspring as the resiilt of their union 



MY OWN STORY 313 

with the normal or with unhealthy families, we 
can deal with the problem on a scientific basis. 
It is only by taking one generation in conjunc- 
tion with another, correlating and interpreting 
all the psychological phenomena, and extend- 
ing our field of operations back into the ninth 
and tenth generations that we are able to 
reach some tangible and pertinent reason to 
account for the perversions of character in the 
Habsburgs. 

"They are extraordinary people, brilliant, 
gifted, fascinating, and reckless, but their sins 
and indiscretions are not the result of a love 
of either; they are generally brought about by 
environment and the dire influence of suggestion, 
and, in my opinion, the Habsburgs are only to be 
looked upon as the unhappy and (in their calmer 
moments) the unwilling victims of heredity." 

A most mysterious and interesting member of 
my father 's family is my Uncle John, who is 
known to the world as "John Orth." I say is, 
because I believe he is still alive and is only 
waiting for the Emperor's death to return to 
Austria. 

My Uncle John was much younger than papa, 
short in stature, with brown hair and blue eyes, 
and most fascinating. Like papa, he did every- 



314 MY OWN STORY 

thing he attempted well and thoroughly ; he was 
also like papa a gifted musician and highly- 
accomplished. He often visited us at Salzburg, 
and we were great friends; in fact he wanted 
to get permission from the Vatican to marry 
me, as he considered I was the ideal mate for 
a man of his temperament; but although the 
Church sometimes sanctions a union between 
uncle and niece, I could never have countenanced 
such a thing, for I only looked upon Uncle John 
as a very delightful relation who possessed 
papa's perfect understanding of my character. 

Many and varied have been the conjectures 
put forward to account for the strange disappear- 
ance of the Archduke. It has been said that 
he was implicated in the tragedy of Meyerling, 
and in consequence renounced his titles and 
estates, and left his native land for ever. This 
is absolutely untrue. The real reason which 
caused "John Orth" to leave Vienna was 
wounded pride arising from a stubborn unyield- 
ing will, which would not brook any contradic- 
tion. This statement coming from me, his 
niece, will probably destroy some of the mystery 
and romance of the story, but is nevertheless 
accurate. 

My uncle held an important position in the 



MY OWN STORY 315 

Austrian army. The late Field-Marshal von 
Moltke considered him one of the most accom- 
plished strategists in Europe, and he controlled 
the military forces in Bosnia and Herzegovina. 
He was most progressive in his ideas, tried to 
reorganise the army, and obtained the Emper- 
or's permission to draw up a scheme for recon- 
struction. This scheme was approved of, and 
he was then asked to write a kind of "manifesto " 
incorporating the proposed principal reforms. 
The manifesto was sent to all the generals and 
officers, but my uncle had reckoned without the 
Commander-in-Chief, the Archdiike Albrecht, 
who was one of the veterans of '66. He was 
deeply offended, and made such an uproar that 
the Emperor, who hates any kind of disturbance, 
sent for John and told him he must submit all 
plans to the Archduke Albrecht. Uncle John, 
beside himself with rage and mortification, at 
once issued an appeal to the army asking it to 
judge between the respective merits of Albrecht 
and himself, and this daring step so enraged 
the Emperor that he sent for John and told 
him he must apologise immediately to the Com- 
mander-in-Chief. 

There was a violent and heated discussion 
between the rebellious Archduke and Francis- 



3i6 MY OWN STORY 

Joseph. Uncle John said in his bold way that 
he would leave the army and the Court rather 
than be dictated to, and he concluded by 
declaring that he did not care in the least 
whether he was a member of the Imperial 
House. A storm followed this rank apostacy, 
and my uncle, in a fit of ungovernable rage, 
tore off his Order of the Golden Fleece and flung 
it at the Emperor. 

After this unpardonable insult, the Archduke 
wrote to the Emperor saying that he was about 
to leave Austria for ever, and that he renounced 
all his titles and dignities, and desired to be 
known henceforth as "John Orth." Francis- 
Joseph promptly replied that he was free to 
adopt any name he pleased, but that, once he 
had quitted Austria, he would be immediately 
arrested as a renegade if ever he attempted to 
re-cross the frontier. 

Uncle John at once went to see grandmamma, 
who lived near Gmunden, but he had not the 
courage to say that he was leaving, perhaps for 
ever, so he wrote her a letter that was after- 
wards given to her in which he told her all that 
had occurred. He then came to Salzburg, and 
we listened with excited sympathy to his account 
of his wrongs, and were greatly interested in 



MY OWN STORY 317 

his plans for the future. "John Orth" was 
emphatic in his declaration never again to lead 
a restricted life, as he wished to be true to him- 
self. He told us he had decided to become a 
captain in the merchant service, and should at 
once study for his master's certificate. Leopold 
and I followed him out of the room, as we hoped 
he would say something more to us, and we 
were not disappointed. 

My uncle looked at us tenderly, for we were 
on the verge of tears at the idea of losing our 
kind and brilliant kinsman, and he then said 
with calm gravity: "I am about to disappear, 
my dear children, and I shall do so in such a 
manner that no one will ever find me. When 
the Emperor is dead, I will return, for then 
Austria will require my services. 

"I wish, Louisa and Leopold, that you could 
come with me for we three should lead the life 
best suited to us. It cannot be, however, and 
our ways must part here. You are both, like 
myself, individualities, and like me, you will 
work out your destinies. But we shall become 
forces that will eventually be felt. How strange 
it is," he continued, as though deep in thought, 
"that our house, hampered and harassed by 
convention and tradition, should produce such 



3i8 MY OWN STORY 

offshoots! It must be the revolt of the soul 
against the imprisoning bands of our world. 
Never, never, believe that I am dead, for I will 
return one day, and we shall meet again and talk 
of this." 

These were the last words I heard my uncle 
speak. He left Salzburg, and some time after- 
wards we heard of his marriage and purchase 
of the sailing-vessel Margherita. The crew 
were all Croats and Italians, especially selected 
as trustworthy, capable men, and my uncle 
navigated the vessel himself by virtue of his 
master's certificate. 

He arrived at La Plata, and then, after a stay 
of some weeks, he sailed for Valparaiso. Before 
leaving La Plata he shipped an entirely new 
crew, and from that day "John Orth," his ship, 
and all on board have disappeared completely 
from himian ken. The Margherita never 
reached Valparaiso, and if ever she entered 
another port it was under an altered name. 

The chief officer of the vessel came to Salzburg 
expressly to see papa, and this man told me 
he was positive John Orth was alive, and had 
never gone to Valparaiso. He described how, 
as the old crew stood watching the Margherita 
disappear into the evening mists, the person 



MY OWN STORY 319 

who stood on the bridge, enveloped in a great- 
coat, and muffled to the eyes, was not John 
Orth, but some one impersonating him. The 
crew in question returned to Trieste, and one 
and all believed the evidence of their own eyes 
at La Plata, and refused to put any credence 
in the report that their captain had been 
drowned at sea. 

We heard nothing more of him, but I am told 
that a M. Renaux, who had formerly lived in the 
Argentine Republic, declared that after he saw 
John Orth at La Plata he met him in Buenos 
Ayres, and again at Rio Quarto. M. Renaux 
returned to France in 1893, but he is positive 
my uncle is still alive. I, too, feel convinced 
that he has not found a resting-place in the 
swaying deeps of the ocean, and his words, "/ 
will return," are ever in my mind. 

Various impostors have at times claimed to be 
the missing Archduke, and grandmamma sent 
large sums of money to one of them. She 
showed papa letters in which the handwriting 
was apparently that of Uncle John, but when the 
police were communicated with, they eventually 
arrested the man, who proved to be a dan- 
gerous criminal "wanted" for years! 

It has been stated that the Archduke had 



320 MY OWN STORY 

money in the Swiss banks, but the assertion is 
inaccurate. All his securities were deposited 
with Paris, Vienna, and London houses. He 
never withdrew any money, and the interest 
must now amount to a large sum. Papa was 
convinced to the day of his death that his brother 
was alive and, as time proves all things, the 
Emperor's death will perhaps solve the mystery, 
for Austria may then require the services of 
John Orth in the international complications 
which will no doubt follow. 



CHAPTER XIX 



The Emperor Francis-Joseph — His power in family 
affairs — The tragedy of Meyerling — What I know 
about it — The tody under the cover — The story of 
Isabella of Parma — " Three hours, three days, three 
years" — I resolve on a coup de tete — Once again in 
Dresden — I am arrested outside the palace — The 
attitude of the people — I leave for Leipzig — A won- 
derful reception — / learn the value of disinterested 
affection. 



221 



CHAPTER XIX 



nPHE House of Habsbiirg at the present time 
is, perhaps, the most iminteresting royal 
family in Europe as, during the last twenty 
years, nearly all its striking personalities have 
either gone into exile or have died. 

The Emperor Francis- Joseph has absolute 
power over the members of his house; he can, 
at will, strip them of their possessions, deprive 
them of their titles, and send them penniless 
into the world. His ideas of family government 
are mediasval, and he is quite narrow in his 
judgment of relatives who wish to leave the 
tradition-paved ways of Court. When he heard 
of my flight, he said to papa: 

"Louisa is dead, I do not care to hear her 

name." 

Francis- Joseph is not, to my mind, a man 
of strong individuality; he is weak-willed, and 
has always been so. He shirks responsibility, 
and instead of helping any one in distress, he 

323 



324 MY OWN STORY 

shelters himself behind the Throne, and acts as 
a monarch instead of a man. 

He has certainly experienced crushing 
domestic troubles, but his wonderful constitu- 
tion has helped him to support anxieties which 
would have killed any ordinary person. The 
terrible tragedy of Meyerling, however, was 
almost more than he could bear. This myste- 
rious affair is the darkest story in the annals 
of the Habsburgs, and several of its details 
have been kept secret even from some members 
of the Imperial family. What I know was told 
me by papa, who was one of the few people 
aware of what really happened on that ghastly 
night. 

On January 30, 1889, we had just returned 
from skating, and found every one at the palace 
in a state of great excitement on account of 
a telegram which awaited papa, and which 
read as follows : 

"Rudolph has been killed." 

Naturally we were all dreadfully distressed 
at the news, and the first telegram was speedily 
followed by another, which stated : 

''The Crown Prince has killed himself." 

Papa immediately left for Vienna, and when 
he returned, after an absence of some days, he 



MY OWN STORY 325 

confided to me that he had spoken to Rudolph's 
valet, who brought his master's body back to 
Vienna, and the man gave him some curious 
details of the tragedy. 

It appeared that on the fatal evening the 
hunting party had a very uproarious dinner, 
and drank heavily. The valet heard a great 
deal of noise, but did not take much notice, 
until dreadful moans on the staircase caused 
him to open his door, and he saw, with inde- 
scribable horror, the bleeding form of the Crown 
Prince being carried upstairs. When the bearers 
of the body saw the valet, they peremptorily 
ordered him to go back to his room and wait 
until they sent for him. He did so, and after 
a time he was taken to the unfortunate Crown 
Prince, who lingered for hours in an unconscious 
state. 

Papa said that when he arrived at Vienna, 
Rudolph had been dead barely eight hours. 
He went into the room at the Hofburg where 
the body lay, and was horrified to see that the 
skull was smashed in, and that pieces of broken 
bottle-glass protruded from it. The face was 
quite unrecognisable, and two fingers of the 
right hand had been cut off. When the body 
was prepared for the lying-in-State, the face 



326 MY OWN STORY 

and head were completely covered with a wax 
mask in order to prevent people from seeing the 
awful disfigurement, and thus realising what a 
terrible tragedy had occurred. 

The Emperor, who was told as gently as pos- 
sible about the injuries to his son, summoned 
a secret conclave at which the whole truth of the 
night's events was disclosed, and none but those 
present at that meeting ever knew what had 
really happened. 

A very gruesome story was told me by a 
forester who had been a gamekeeper at Meyer- 
ling. This man once came to the Imperial 
estates near Salzburg, to superintend the plant- 
ing of some trees when we were at the shooting- 
box. I asked him what he knew about the death 
of the Crown Prince, and his story certainly 
bore all the impress of truth. 

He said that he had been ordered, on the 
night of the tragedy, to come to the lodge at 
half -past eight the next morning. When he ar- 
rived, he was very much surprised at the absolute 
stillness which seemed to pervade everywhere; 
and, bewildered and apprehensive, he opened 
a door of which he possessed a duplicate key, 
and went into the billiard-room. Here all was 
confusion; the tables and chairs were over- 



MY OWN STORY 327 

turned, broken glass was scattered on the 
carpet, and the cover of the billiard-table lay- 
on the floor. 

The gamekeeper was not astonished at the 
state of the room, as rough nights were the 
accepted order of things at Meyerling, but some- 
thing odd about the appearance of the fallen 
cover arrested his attention. He stooped to 
pick it up, and, as he did so, he saw a foot pro- 
truding from under it; when he lifted it he was 
horrified to find the nude body of a dead woman 
bleeding from revolver wounds. The frightened 
man rushed from the room and cried for assist- 
ance, but no one came, and the house was as 
still as the tomb. He went upstairs to the 
Crown Prince's bedroom, where he saw the 
valet and the dying man. 

That was all he would tell me about this 
most terrible affair, and the world will never 
know the whole truth. The Emperor was 
asked by the Austrian people to disclose the 
facts about the fate of the Crown Prince, but 
he absolutely refused to do so, and incurred 
great impopularity in consequence. 

All sorts of stories were current, but my 
belief is that certain disclosures were made to 
Rudolph in order to prove that an insurmount- 



328 MY OWN STORY 

able barrier existed between Marie Vetschera 
and himself, and that any affection between 
them, as lovers, was impossible. 

I fancy he told her this at Meyerling, and, 
perhaps, over-excited with champagne and half- 
maddened by the horrible thing revealed to her, 
the unfortunate woman attacked Rudolph with 
a bottle and dealt him some murderous blows 
on his head and face. She was then, in all pro- 
bability, shot down when the other members 
of the party realised what had happened. 

However, as I have already said, the exact 
truth will never be known. "John Orth" was in 
the secret, but it has been, on the whole, well 
kept, and the mystery remains a mystery. 



A most interesting Habsburg story, which has 
never been published, concerns Maria-Theresa's 
son, the Emperor Joseph II., who married 
Isabella, daughter of Ferdinand, Duke of Parma 
— one of the Spanish Bourbons — and if I may 
here digress, I should like to tell it. 

Isabella was a lovely girl, and her ambitious 
mother, a daughter of Louis XV. of France, 
naturally wished her to make a brilliant 
marriage. The gratification of the Dtike and 



MY OWN STORY 329 

Duchess of Parma was extreme when the 
Emperor Joseph sent his Ambassador to ask 
for Isabella's hand, and her proud parents at 
once gave a willing assent. 

Unforttmately for her future happiness, the 
girl had already bestowed her affection on a 
young Spaniard at her father's Court. The 
lovers met in secret and at night enacted the 
parts of Romeo and Juliet, from the balcony 
of Isabella's room. 

It is not, therefore, surprising that the news 
of her proposed marriage to another threw 
Isabella into a pitiable state of despair. She 
implored her lover to fly with her and marry 
her as soon as possible, and at last he consented, 
although he fully realised the danger and trouble 
attending such a daring step. 

Isabella took her maids into her confidence 
and, needless to say, was betrayed b}^ them, as 
servants of a certam class always abuse the 
confidence and kindness of their employers. 

The longed-for evening at last came; horses 
were in readiness for the eloping couple, but the 
anxious girl waited for her lover in vain. From 
her window she saw dark forms passing and 
repassing amid the trees and suddenly a scream 
broke the stillness of the night ; it was followed 



330 MY OWN STORY 

by another and fainter cry, and Isabella could 
bear no more; hardly knowing what she did she 
climbed over the balcony, and fear lending her 
wings, she ran like a wild thing through the 
gardens. Some one was lying on the grass, and 
her anguished gaze saw that it was her sweet- 
heart. He was dying, but was just able to 
tell her that two men had attacked and stabbed 
him. The poor girl looked with unutterable 
love into his fast glazing eyes, and managed 
to catch the words, "In three . . . you," but 
he expired before he was able to finish the 
sentence. 

Isabella fainted and was carried back to the 
palace, where she lay for a long time uncon- 
scious. When she came to herself, her one 
prayer was that she might die, and she imagined 
that the words, " In three . . . you," meant 
that in three hours she would rejoin her murdered 
lover. 

Death did not come, however, and the next 
day she was obliged to receive the Austrian 
Ambassador. So she made one despairing appeal 
to her father. 

'^ Yon force me to do this, Sire?" she faltered 
through her sobs. 

"Yes," said the Duke, "I do: your lover will 



MY OWN STORY 331 

trouble me no more, and I can dispose of you 
as I will." 

After the Princess had received the betrothal 
ring, she went back to her rooms, hoping that in 
three days her sufferings would be terminated, 
but when the third day passed, she concluded 
that it would be in three weeks that she should 
die. 

The marriage was celebrated by proxy, and 
Isabella left Parma for Vienna. Directly the 
Emperor saw his beautiful young wife he fell 
desperately in love with her, and she received 
all his protestations of affection with a sad 
dignity which was infinitely appealing. 

When the newly-wedded pair found them- 
selves alone in their bridal chamber, Isabella 
stood silently by the window and looked out into 
the night; the moon rode high in the serene 
heavens, and no doubt she thought of that other 
night when its rays had shown her the face of 
her dying lover. Her husband bent over her 
with passionate endearments, and she said, 
looking at him with touching sweetness: 

"I will be kind, and I will make you a good 
wife, but I am doomed to die, either in three 
months or in three years." 

Isabella was greatly beloved by all with whom 



332 MY OWN STORY 

she came in contact, but her health rapidly 
declined after her marriage, and although the 
birth of a daughter was a source of joy to the 
Emperor, the doctors were apprehensive about 
the mother's delicate constitution. The Em- 
press seemed as though she belonged to another 
world, and was always waiting to hold commune 
with some one invisible; she was highly strung, 
and it is said that once when she went to the per- 
formance of a new opera by Gluck, one of the 
scenes brought back so forcibly her own tragic 
love-story that she fainted, and for some time it 
seemed doubtful whether she would recover. 

Three years passed, and when the anniversary 
of her lover's death came round, she seemed 
absolutely transfigured with joy, and became 
once more a laughing, happy girl. That night 
exquisitely dressed, radiant and charming, she 
supped with the Emperor in their private apart- 
ments at Schonbrunn. All at once, without a 
word, she rose from the table, and made her 
way into the gardens, walking quickly; just 
as she was about to cross the parterre, she 
suddenly stopped, stretched out her arms as if 
in welcome, and fell dead. 

The story goes that the Empress looked 
angelically lovely and peaceful in her rose-filled 




Photo by Max Kohler, Dresden. 

MY THREE BOYS: LEFT TO RIGHT, lURY, ERNI, TIA. MAY, 1909. 



333 



MY OWN STORY 335 

coffin, and it is said that no one knew whence 
the flowers came. The Emperor was inconsola- 
ble at her loss; but, as the child soon followed 
its mother, he married again for reasons of 
State. That marriage, also, was celebrated by 
proxy, but Joseph II. never lived with his 
second wife, whose neck and arms were covered 
with spots due to a skin disease, and he was 
wont to say that no other woman existed who 
could compare with sweet Isabella of Parma. 



I fear I have digressed widely by recounting 
so much gossip about the Habsburgs, and I 
must now proceed with my own story. 

In December, 1904, I took a villa at San 
Domenico on the Fiesolean Hills, as I thought 
the air and situation would prove beneficial to 
delicate little Monica. I was obsessed with a 
desire to see my children again ; they were never 
out of my thoughts, and at last I felt I could 
endure the separation no longer. I saw plainly 
that any appeal to Dresden would be dis- 
regarded, so I determined to leave persuasion 
alone and make a coup de tete instead. 

I therefore lost no time in leaving for Leipzig, 
where my lawyer lived; I drove to his house, 



336 MY OWN STORY 

and told him I wished him to accompany me 
at once to Dresden, and that I reHed on his 
absolute secrecy in the matter. We accordingly 
took train to Dresden; but, before we left 
Leipzig, my "chivalrous" legal adviser tele- 
phoned to the Dresden police and informed 
them of my coming. 

We arrived at Dresden quite early in the 
morning; it was cold and foggy, and the sun 
hung like a ball of fire in the winter mists. As 
I drove over the old bridge my emotions almost 
overcame me. I felt like a dreamer in a dream 
city, until the thought that I was now near my 
beloved children recalled me to myself. 

I stopped the cab at the shop of the perfumer 
who used to supply me when I was Crown 
Princess; and as I walked quietly in, everybody 
was busy, some assistants dressing the windows, 
while others were setting out soaps and essences 
on the counter. The proprietor came forward 
to serve me, and, turning, I lifted my heavy 
veil and looked at him. The poor man was 
so overcome that he was unable to speak for 
a few seconds, and, when he at last found words, 
all he could stammer was : 

"Our Louisa! Our Louisa!" 

I told him what had brought me to Dresden, 



MY OWN STORY 337 

and his sympathies were all with me and my 
errand; he informed me in which part of the 
Castle my children's rooms were situated, and 
as that was all I desired to know, I re-entered 
the cab and drove to the Neue Markt, where 
I dismissed it. I was terrified lest I should be 
recognised, and as I walked through the market 
to the Taschenberg Palace, I observed a man 
staring at me. I paid no attention, and hurried 
to the entrance of the palace; with trembling 
fingers I was just on the point of pressing the 
electric button when my hand was suddenly 
seized and I confronted the man who had pre- 
viously attracted my attention. 

He took off his hat and bowed. "Imperial 
Highness," he said; "you cannot see the King 
or the royal children." 

"Who are you?" I demanded. 

He produced a badge which showed that he 
was connected with the criminal police. 

"Your coming was known to us," he said, 
"the palace and the castle are surrounded by 
our men, and you must at once return with 
me to your hotel." 

As he spoke he blew his whistle, and two 
policemen appeared ; I saw that resistance would 
be useless, and made no remark, but I think 



338 MY OWN STORY 

that moment was one of the most humiliating 
and distressing in my Hfe. I looked up at the 
rooms which had been my home for eleven 
years, but I saw them through a mist of tears. 
However, I called all my courage to my aid, 
and behaved with the dignity of a descendant 
of Maria-Theresa. 

An icy wind laden with stabbing flakes of 
snow was blowing as I and my "guard of 
honour " crossed the square. As the trams filled 
with business people passed, I became aware of 
startled faces looking at me, and in a moment 
the atmosphere was charged with electricity. 
The policemen escorted me to the Hotel Belle 
Vue, opposite the Opera; that again Was familiar 
ground to me, and I thought of the days when 
I had driven there in one of the royal carriages, 
and never dreamed that I should be arrested on 
foot in my own capital. 

"When we reached the hotel, I was asked to 
go upstairs with the man who had taken me 
into custody, and a room was chosen which had 
no outlook on the square; it was most cheer- 
less, but I sat down to await events. I was 
by now aware that my lawyer had betrayed 
me, and when he came into my presence, I told 
him my candid opinion of his despicable conduct. 



MY OWN STORY 339 

At last the manager of the hotel appeared with 
a magnificent bouquet of roses, which he pre- 
sented to me with tears in his eyes and his 
assurances of love and devotion. 

The Chief of Police was my next visitor; he 
did not attempt to remove his hat, and said 
roughly: 

"I am deputed, Countess,"^ by the Ministry, to 
offer you a special train so that you can leave 
Dresden at once." 

I advanced to the centre of the room. 

"You are wrong," I said quietly. "You 
cannot offer a special train except to a queen; 
it would not be permissible for the Countess 
Montignoso to avail herself of it. Return to 
the Ministers, and say that Louisa of Saxony 
will choose her own time for her departure. But 
you can also tell the Ministers that they have 
no cause for apprehension. I shall not appeal 
to the people ; my only wish is to see my husband 
and my children." 

After the Chief of Police had left the hotel, I 
sat down and chatted to his subordinate, who 
was genuinely distressed. 

^Countess Montignoso was a Tuscan title which I sometimes 
used when travelling incognito. After the divorce proceedings at 
Dresden it was, with obvious motives, employed by the Saxon 
Court when it had occasion to refer to me. 



340 MY OWN STORY 

"Oh, forgive me, forgive me," he kept on 
repeating. "Alas! that / should be compelled 
to arrest 'Our Louisa.'" I comforted him, and 
he told me how much the people loved me, 
and how well he remembered the days of my 
early married life. Poor man! I always hope 
he realised that I bore him no malice for the 
unwilling part he played. 

I wrote to the King, and when the Chamber- 
lain, Herr von Criegern, came to interview me, 
I asked him to give my husband the letter. He 
laughed rudely. 

"Give your letter to the King! Certainly 
not! Do you for one moment suppose that his 
Majesty ever receives any of your communica- 
tions? Other people take good care that he is 
not troubled by you." 

I could have killed the man. "How dare you 
stand there and say this to ME?" I demanded; 
"if you will not give the letter to my husband I 
will find some one who will." 

The letter was eventually given to Frederick- 
August at a "shoot" which had been hastily 
arranged that morning in order to get him away 
from Dresden. I am told that when he read 
it he nearly fainted, and at once ordered a 
carriage to take him back, as he wished to see 



MY OWN STORY 34i 

me. My enemies had expected this, so he was 
told I had already left. 

I demanded an audience with Von Metzsch, 
who was too cowardly to face me. He sent the 
Chamberlain, however, who said that nothing 
could be done. I knew that this man disliked 
me, but even he seemed somewhat sympathetic, 
and urged me to leave Dresden as soon as 
possible, for the news of my arrival had spread, 
and the police were afraid of the hostile crowd, 
who were all in my favour. 

I lunched with the lawyers, and my cheerless 
sitting-room had now become a perfect bower 
of flowers, which arrived every few minutes. 
During the meal my attention was arrested by 
a sound somewhat resembling distant thunder. 

"What is that noise?" I inquired. 

The reply to my question was given by the 
Chief of Police, who rushed into the room sans 
ceremonie. 

"Imperial Highness," he cried, "I beg of 
you to leave Dresden, for in a few moments we 
shall be powerless. Already the crowds fill the 
streets and the square; they threaten to break 
into the hotel and carry you away. I implore 
you not to be the cause of bloodshed." 

"All this is your own fault," I said, coldly. 



342 MY OWN STORY 

"You arrest me en plein jour. What else can 
you expect? But as I do not wish to expose 
my people to injury, I will leave the hotel — • 
after I have finished my lunch." 

I was as good as my word, and when I had 
collected my small belongings, went downstairs 
with the officials. As soon as we reached the 
entrance-hall, the people crowding round the 
door saw me, and a tremendous cry went up 
of "Our Louisa!" 

The Chief of Police wished me to drive in a 
closed carriage, but I refused, and when at last 
I emerged from the hotel I saw a sight I shall 
never forget. 

The whole square was packed with people; 
the air was filled with angry cries. When my 
carriage appeared, the mob broke through the 
cordon and rushed to the vehicle. 

"Louisa, stay with us," they shouted. 

"Death to Von Metzsch!" 

"Down with the Church!" 

Some ran to the horses' heads and tried to pull 
the coachman off his box, others pressed forward 
to grasp my hand. I stood up in the carriage and 
endeavoured to speak. A roar of voices arose. 

"Let your people know how you have been 
treated! Write a manifesto and justify yourself! 



MY OWN STORY 343 

Don't be afraid, the whole of Saxony is with 
you." 

" Hush," I said, as soon as I could make myself 
heard. "Don't make a disturbance. I love 
you with all my heart. Think of me as an 
unhappy mother. I will speak one day and let 
you all know the truth." 

At last we managed to reach the railway- 
station, and the whole route was lined with 
cheering crowds; never before had I seen such 
a demonstration. I was taken to the departure 
platform by the recently constructed approach, 
and the station was thronged with tearful people, 
eager to show their respect for me. I found 
my coupe a mass of flowers. There were many 
letters there, too, and the burden of all the 
communications was — justify yourself. 

Amid the waving of handkerchiefs and cries 
of "Au revoir, Louisa," the train steamed out 
of the station. 

Wherever it stopped, crowds assembled, and 
everywhere I met with assurances of love and 
loyalty. I had a long talk with the Chief of 
Police; I remembered him when he held a very 
subordinate position, and I could not help 
remarking: "Well, it is a strange world. I 
suppose that in your wildest dreams you never 



344 ^y OWN STORY 

imagined it would be your lot to escort me to 
the frontier!" 

I arrived at Leipzig in the evening; the whole 
station had been appropriated by the students, 
who were dressed in black and wore black hats, 
black ties, and black gloves, for all the world 
like mourners at a funeral! I was received by 
the head of the Leipzig police, and, escorted by 
him and the Dresden officer, I passed through 
the black and silent crowd. 

Suddenly there were cries of "Louisa! Louisa! 
We will carry you back to Dresden!" and I felt 
myself lifted by strong arms, and though I beg- 
ged my supporters to desist, the cries continued. 

"Keep quiet," I said to those nearest to me. 
"You must not make these demonstrations. 
I promise one day that you shall know all." 

We drove to the lawyer 's house, but the 
people ran behind the carriage, throwing flowers, 
and imploring me not to be driven out of Saxony. 
I was quite exhausted by the excitement of the 
day, but as I was obliged to leave Leipzig that 
night, I returned to the station after I had finished 
discussing business matters with my lawyer. 

The crowd still filled the station, and the cries 
of the populace never ceased. 

"We will kill your enemies. You allow your- 



MY OWN STORY 345 

self to be trampled on, but your silence is more 
eloquent than words," 

"Tell everything; we know who your enemies 
are." 

Others screamed, "Revenge! Revenge! We 
will not let Louisa go." 

The secret police were everywhere, trying to 
discover the authors of these treasonable cries, 
but they met with little or no success. 

I quite expected that a seat would be reserved 
for me, but such was not the case, and I was 
put into a "through" coupe to Frankfort. The 
train was crowded, and had it not been for the 
courtesy of a gentleman who gave me his seat 
I should have been obliged to make the journey 
standing. 

So ended my coup de tete. I did not regret 
my useless and painful experience, because it 
showed me that I was still beloved in Saxony, 
and I realised the wonderful value of disinter- 
ested affection. As I sat in the hot coupe, stared 
at by inquisitive eyes, bereft of all royal dignity, 
an exiled woman and a desolate mother, I felt a 
glow of pride when I recalled the honest, excited 
faces of my adherents, and I heard again the 
shouts of "Louisa," which I knew came straight 
from loyal hearts. 



CHAPTER XX 



Popular Feeling in Saxony — Life at St. Domenico — / am 
not allowed to remain in peace — Alma Muth, spy — 
The King of Saxony^s lawyer arrives in Florence — 
An interview at the Consulate — / refuse to surrender 
Monica — The siege of the villa — I turn Alma Muth 
out of the house — She goes to Pegli with Dr. Korner 
— What was overheard in the restaurant car — I make 
the acquaintance of another spy, Frau Ida Kremer — 
Her methods — A vile hook — / receive permission to 
see my children — Our meeting at Munich — I resolve 
to let Monica go to Saxony — My second marriage — / 
conclude my story. 



347 



CHAPTER XX 



/\ /I Y coup de tete caused tremendous excitement 
all over Saxony. The accounts of my 
arrival at Dresden and reception at Leipzig were 
ordered to be suppressed in all the newspapers, 
and it was forbidden to mention my name. If I 
had remained another twenty-four hours, there 
would have been a revolution, and the author- 
ities were fully aware of the gravity of the 
situation. On the night I left Saxony, myself and 
my wrongs were the only topic of conversation, 
and afterwards most extraordinary scenes took 
place. In tiny cottages far away in the country, 
my photograph was encircled with chaplets of 
flowers, candles were burned before it, women 
wore brooches containing my likeness, and 
although the police afterwards prohibited the 
sale of my picture post-cards, hundreds of thou- 
sands were sold in one day alone, and during the 
months of January and February after I left 
Dresden the demand for them was enormous. 
If any officials were known to favour me, it 

349" 



350 MY OWN STORY 

was all up with their prospects of promotion. 
When I first left Dresden, there was a refresh- 
ment btiffet at the Opera where excellent choco- 
late was sold, and the proprietor sold medallions 
of chocolate stamped with my likeness, and 
called the bonbon "Louisa Chocolate." It sold 
remarkably well, but one day the man was sent 
for by the management of the Opera and told 
he must give up the buffet within twenty-four 
hours on account of his selling the "treasonable" 
chocolate. The unlucky proprietor, who was 
one of my partisans, wrote and told me what 
had occurred, adding that whatever happened 
to his fortunes, his devotion would never swerve. 

These sentiments of loyalty still prevail, and 
are the greatest source of consolation to me. I 
thank all my unknown friends who write so 
kindly, and I value every letter I receive. On 
my last birthday I acknowledged four thousand 
cards of greeting, a physically exhausting task, 
but one which was only a labour of love. 

My life at San Domenico was for a time 
uneventful, but naturally my enemies did not for 
long allow me to continue in peace. Their 
object was to find out whether I had a love 
affair, and they employed spies to attain their 
ignoble ends. When Monica was born I chose 



MY OWN STORY 351 

her a Protestant nurse, whom I liked and 
trusted, but this did not suit the Court, who 
insisted that I should have a Catholic nurse of 
their own selection. As I desired, for several 
reasons, to avoid friction over the child, I agreed 
to accede to their wish, and accordingly Fraulein 
Alma Muth was sent from Dresden to take 
charge of Monica. 

One day I was told over the telephone that I 
had a spy in my household and that this person 
was my child's nurse. As the information 
seemed genuine, I made secret inquiries on my 
own account, and discovered that Alma Muth 
corresponded with the Saxon Court through the 
medium of the German Consulate at Florence. 
She had asked me to allow her to take a daily 
walk in the grounds of the villa, and I found out 
that when she did so, she had long, unobserved 
conversations with an employee at the Consulate 
who came there for the purpose of being told 
what I was doing. I also ascertained that she 
telephoned to the Consulate, but when I taxed 
her with her treacherous behaviour she flatly 
denied everything. 

The morning after my conversation with 
Muth, I received a telephonic message from a 
hotel in Florence, informing me that the King 



353 



MY OWN STORY 



of Saxony's lawyer, Dr. Korner, had just 
arrived, and wished to see me. I repHed that 
I was quite ready to receive him, and in about 
an hour's time he drove up in a landau. 

The lawyer had a long discussion with me 
about Monica 's future, but nothing was settled, 
and I felt that his visit was only a ruse. I 
was afterwards asked to go to the Consulate, but 
when I arrived, there was no one to receive me. 
At last, however, after a long wait, Korner 
came on the scene. In a very rude manner he 
told me that he was ordered to take Monica 
away, and he showed me a document which 
empowered him to act exactly as he thought fit. 

I fiimg the paper in his face, but all he said 
was: 

"Countess, be ready at two o'clock this 
afternoon to give up your child." 

I felt like a tigress at bay, and with blazing 
eyes I confronted him, saying: 

"You will tell me why, before I shall allow 
you to take Monica; try to get her by force if 
you can, but so long as I am free I will defend 
her and defy you." He spat on the floor. 

"What can you do?" he answered, jeeringly. 

I wasted no time, but motored back to the villa. 
I sent for my butler and my cook, and told them 



MY OWN STORY 353 

that the house was to be well guarded, and that 
if either of them betrayed me I would have the 
traitor instantly punished. I also gave orders 
that the telephone should be disconnected, and 
all the bell-wires cut, and I especially instructed 
them not to lose sight of Alma Muth for a single 
instant. 

At two o'clock Muth came to me and asked 
whether I had seen the King's lawyer. She was 
perfectly furious at my contemptuous attitude. 
At last I heard the noise of carriage wheels, 
and peeping through the blinds I saw a landau 
coming up the drive. When it drew up I saw 
that it contained Komer and the villainous 
Taschenberg servant who had, as I afterwards 
heard, begged to be allowed to come in order 
to gloat over my misfortunes. 

Both men alighted, but, after wasting three- 
quarters of an hour in trying to effect an en- 
trance, they were obliged to return to Florence. 
The telephone was then resorted to, but that was 
useless, so, fuming and fretting, the lawyer again 
came up to the villa. 

A regular "siege" then commenced. Muth 
went to the maids and demanded to be let out. 
She had up till then relied on these women, 
whom she had bribed, but she did not reckon on 



354 ^y OWN STORY 

the temperament of Italian servants. Directly 
they saw my attitude of inflexible determination, 
they refused to help her in any way, and she 
was beside herself with rage and mortifica- 
tion. 

It was not unamusing inside the villa, for the 
chef had armed himself with a revolver, which he 
repeatedly pointed at Muth, as a gentle reminder 
that she was not by any means having things 
all her own way. 

The next day I went into Florence to inter- 
view the King 's lawyer, and remained in his 
office from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. He read a long 
statement in German which Muth had sent 
him, and he argued and threatened imtil my 
patience was quite exhausted. I was faint from 
want of food, for no refreshment was offered me, 
although Fraulein Muth was given chocolate 
and biscuits. 

At five o'clock we went to the villa, where 
another statement by Muth was produced. She 
nearly went mad with rage when it was read, 
and declared that she would swear nothing. 
The villa servants were next interrogated, but 
they blandly maintained that they could neither 
read nor write, and that any statements said to 
be theirs must be inventions. 



MY OWN STORY 355 

The lawyer was quite mortified, and he said, 
bitterly: "He '^,ughs best who laughs last." 

I agreed with him that this was often the case, 
and he continued: "I shall bring some luggage 
the next time I come for the Princess, and 
when I take her to Saxony she shall not wear 
a single thing you have touched." 

When he returned later, he failed as before 
to gain admittance to the villa. He was rein- 
forced this time by the German Consul, who 
said in a loud pompous voice: "In the name of 
William II., I ask you, Countess Montignoso, to 
open your doors." 

As I took not the slightest notice, Komer 
went to the Italian police, and asked them to 
assist him in enforcing my obedience to his 
Sovereign's orders, but he received a reply to 
the effect that the Italian police recognised no 
orders but those of the King of Italy. 

Night fell, and from my bedroom window 
I watched the progress of events. I observed 
a carriage coming up the road; it stopped, 
and some one made flashes with a hand electric 
lamp. This was, as I afterwards discovered, 
the signal to Muth that Korner was waiting, 
and that later she was to bring Monica out 
through the garden without my knowledge. 



356 MY OWN STORY 

Naturally there was no sleep for us, and at 
two A.M. the butler informed me that some 
telegrams had just been delivered, and that the 
boys wished to see me. They told me that 
when they passed the carriage, which was drawn 
up on one side of the road, some one inside 
hailed them and asked where they were going. 
They replied: "To the villa with telegrams" — 
"What are you doing here?" 

"Oh," answered the coachman, "we 're wait- 
ing to take away an insane lady who is inside 
the house." 

It was a bitter night, and Korner and his 
friends kept themselves warm with plentiful 
supplies of cognac; but at four a.m. they ap- 
parently grew tired of waiting, and drove off, 
leaving me mistress of the situation. 

I instinctively felt, however, that something 
was still afoot, so I went upstairs to the night 
nursery, where I found Monica dressed for 
travelling and her trunk packed. Muth was in 
her own room, so I told the butler to go at once 
and tell her that some one from the Consulate 
wished to see her in the garden, and that, in order 
to get her out of the house, he was to pretend to 
give this information without my knowledge. 
The ruse was completely successful. The butler 



1 



MY OWN STORY 357 

unlocked a side door, and Muth rushed out 
hatless and coatless, into the night, only to dis- 
cover that she had been duped, and was unable 
to get back. 

I called the trembling servants, and said in my 
most awe-inspiring manner: "If any one dares 
cross me, it will mean immediate arrest." Then 
I told the maids to collect Muth's clothes and 
throw them out of the window. This was done, 
and her luggage was then put outside by the 
frightened girls, while the butler moimted guard 
with a pistol. 

Muth rushed about the garden like a person 
demented, and at last went to San Domenico 
and telephoned to Komer, who sent up a 
carriage to take her and her belongings away. 
The siege of the villa lasted a whole fortnight, 
and then my enemies gave it up in despair. It 
afforded a great deal of amusement, plenty of 
"copy" for the Press, and was the subject of 
numerous caricatures in the Dresden comie 
papers. 

Dr. Komer left Florence, but as Fraulein 
Muth's nerves were rather shattered after the 
exciting time through which she had passed, 
he very kindly took her to Pegli on the Riviera 
to recuperate, and I have no doubt she derived 



358 MY OWN STORY 

great benefit from her restful change. They 
returned to Dresden together, but, unfortunately 
for themselves, they were indiscreet enough to 
abuse the King of Saxony and his Ministers 
while dining in the restaurant car. Their 
remarks were overheard by a German lawyer, 
who reported them to the Dresden authorities, 
with the result that Korner is no longer employed 
by the King. 

After Fraulein Muth's departure, Von Metzsch 
made another attempt to ruin my position. I 
had insisted on my faithful nurse returning 
to my service, and as this greatly annoyed my 
enemy, he again issued an order that Monica 
should have a Catholic governess. He sent a 
Jewish convert, Frau Ida Kremer, who was 
entirely in the hands of the priests, and she duly 
arrived at Florence. She is an ugly, hunch- 
backed woman, whose mind is as distorted as 
her body. I can say with perfect truth that she 
was a most accomplished spy, and as she has 
a very vivid imagination, she invented what 
she was unable to find out. 

When Frau Kremer had been with me a few 
days, an unknown friend warned me by tele- 
phone to be very careful, as my house again 
harboured a traitor, and that Von Metzsch's 



MY OWN STORY 359 

agents intended to force a sudden entrance one 
night to see if they could discover me in com- 
promising circumstances. This plan was act- 
ually carried out. The villa was broken into 
on one occasion, but naturally nothing was 
stolen, and the ** burglars" were disturbed before 
they made their way upstairs. Another time 
my garage was entered and some tires were taken 
away, and I often heard mysterious noises at 
night. But I fancy Frau Kremer's reports at 
last convinced her employers that my mode of 
life was above suspicion, and I was troubled no 
more by night alarms. 

Frau Kremer left me after a stay of six 
weeks, and concocted a wicked book purporting 
to deal with me and my life in Florence. It 
was a scandalous production, but I suppose it 
satisfied those who instigated her to write it. 
She tried to sell it to a "backstairs" publisher 
in Berlin; but directly my friends in Saxony 
heard that negotiations were in progress, they 
threatened to boycott any bookseller who sup- 
plied the production, and it was eventually 
issued as a Jeuilleton in a Berlin paper. It was 
a tissue of lies, with an occasional grain of truth, 
for, as the authoress had eaten my salt, she had 
had many opportunities of studying me, and 



36o 



T OWN STORY 



several things in the book could only have been 
learnt from me. Unfortunately this abominable 
work, like the bogus Confessions of a Princess, 
did me a great deal of harm; but the accusa- 
tions it contained were too vile to answer, 
and I took no steps to repudiate them publicly. 

I was, by this time, quite used to scandalous 
reports being circulated about me; I could 
hardly ever take up a newspaper without coming 
upon something about myself, and I read with 
some amusement the fabricated accounts of 
my extraordinary and extravagant tastes. But 
the things which really pained and disgusted me 
were the unfounded reports about my private 
life. If I spoke to a man he was at once assimied 
to be my lover, and it was impossible for 
me to enjoy his friendship without the worst 
construction being placed upon the circum- 
stance. 

My life was absolutely dull. I rode and drove, 
and in the summer I travelled, and occasionally 
visited papa and mamma who were now quite 
friendly to me. My one bright experience 
was in October, 1906, when I received per- 
mission from the King to have an hour and a 
half's interview with my darling boys. I was 
overjoyed at his kindness, and decided to take 




Photograph by the Dover Street Studios, Ltd., London, W. 
PRINCESS LOUISA 



331 



1 



MY OWN STORY 363 

Monica to make the acquaintance of her brothers 
and sisters. 

The meeting took place at the Saxon Embassy 
at Munich. Mamma went with me, and I was 
told that I must conform to prescribed con- 
ditions and regulations as to my behaviour. 
I was not to be permitted a private interview, 
and I was expressly forbidden to say a word 
about my departure from Saxony and my 
present mode of life. 

When we arrived at Munich, we drove to the 
Embassy, and the Saxon Ambassador, instead 
of waiting for me upstairs, as had been arranged, 
came down to my carriage, and, kissing my 
hand, said with tears in his eyes : '* Come quickly. 
Princess, for your little ones anxiously await 
their mother." 

We hurried upstairs and he threw open the 
door of the salon. It was a dark day, and the 
first things I saw were the silhouettes of lury and 
Tia who were sitting by the window. I ad- 
vanced ; the room seemed swimming round me ; 
I was overcome by a thousand emotions, and 
I could hardly believe that my darlings were 
actually before me. Trembling — my heart filled 
with a mother's aching love — I clasped my 
children in my arms and they chmg to me as 



364 MY OWN STORY 

though we had never been separated. We 
lunched together, and the boys told me that 
"papa" always made them pray for mamma, 
who was so far away. This remembrance of 
me was bitter sweet, and I thought with a pang 
that if only Frederick-August had brought the 
children to me how different things might 
have been! Time passed only too quickly, and 
then came the moment of parting — and I cannot 
find words to describe it. The children went to 
Cannes, and I returned to Florence with Monica. 
Every year the King asked me to give up 
Monica, and each time he did so I begged to 
be allowed to keep her a little longer. Monica 
was a really beautiful child; she had a sweet, 
sunny disposition, and the most winning ways. 
We were inseparable, and her companionship 
made my life so much happier that I could hardly 
face even the idea of parting with her for a 
single day. Tremendous pressure, however, 
was eventually brought to bear upon me. It 
was pointed out that my love was selfish, and I 
was urged not to deprive my child of the advan- 
tages of her birthright by insisting that she 
should share my fallen fortunes. I have always 
endeavoured to preserve an entirely impartial 
judgment in the affairs of my life, so I considered 



MY OWN STORY 365 

the question of Monica 's future from all points 
of view. I decided to put aside my maternal 
love for the time being, and came to the conclu- 
sion that if she was to go to Saxony it would 
be far better for her to do so when she was 
a tiny girl, as no one would then be able to say 
I had kept her until she was old enough for 
me to prejudice her against her relatives. I did 
not wish the child ever to reproach me with not 
giving her what the world would consider her 
due; and although she would probably have been 
very happy with me, I felt it was my duty to 
restore her to her father, and I can only pray 
that my little Monica will have a happier life 
as a princess than that which fell to my lot. 

It was a great struggle to sever this last 
link with my old life. I felt, however, that 
my husband would love Monica, and that she 
would not, at least, suffer from any lack of 
affection. This thought made the parting easier 
to bear, but a merciful Providence hid what the 
future held in store for me. I never realised 
that I should not be allowed to see my children 
again, and that their affection for me would be 
left to the tenacity of their early memories. 

Surely a mother should not be deprived of 



"h 



366 MY OWN STORY 

the rights of motherhood unless strong adverse 
reasons prevail. Circumstances may arise which 
estrange husbands and wives ; love may die and 
affection wane, but it is a cruel thing to prevent 
a mother from seeing her own children. 

I tried to pick up the threads of my life, 
and present a brave face to the world, but 
my enemies actively continued their persecu- 
tion. I desired to be protected as a wife, so 
that the tongues of slander might be silenced, 
and that is one of the reasons why I married 
Signor Toselli. With that curious mania for 
self-effacement which sometimes seizes the Habs- 
burgs, I chose to marry a man who boasted 
no pride of ancestry, and possessed no worldly 
wealth. 

My second marriage completely estranged my 
parents who, as strict Catholics, abhorred the 
idea, and considered that I had no right to 
take such a step, as my marriage with Frederick- 
August had not been annulled by the Vatican. 

Here ends my story inasmuch as it concerns 
my more or less public life as Crown Princess 
of Saxony. I have endeavoured to show the 
world what actually went on at the Court of 
Dresden, and how I fared at the hands of 



MY OWN STORY 367 

unscrupulous enemies. I have hitherto been 
judged without a hearing, but now I have 
pleaded my own cause. 

I have seen the splendour and the shadows 
of life; I have touched the heights of joy and 
walked in sorrow's depths, but I still rejoice 
in friends who love me, and I look forward to 
a brighter future. 

So walking here in twilight, O my friends ! 

I hear your voices softened by the distance 
And pause, and turn to listen, as each sends 

His words of friendship, comfort, and assistance. 

THE END 



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